Do you ever think you might have left your heart in a place you once lived? I used to think I left my heart in East Texas among all those pine trees.
I am sitting here digging through my online photos trying to find a certain photo I need to locate.
Country Woman magazine contacted me weeks ago. They want to do a feature on my decoupaged cabinets in the kitchen.
Stumbling Across Other Photos:
While I was going through those photos, I found others that I want to show you, of a place I truly loved.
Where pine trees are thick and line the roads like soldiers protecting a region from harm.
But they really didn’t protect me. I guess I have to admit that.
The pine trees grow so tall you’d think they scraped the sky. I loved gathering all those pinecones. They were so pretty.
But here I feel safe and don’t jump at every noise.
Have you ever felt that way about a place? A place that just wound its way into your heart somehow?
What Happens With Time:
But then with time, the good parts drained away and the bad parts stuck around like a wad of gum on your shoe.
I adored my neighbors. And the milder weather. You could garden most of the year.
In fact, I started this blog there, in April of 2009.
I don’t miss some of the awful things that happened there. But awful things happen no matter where you live.
The flowers that I grew there were simply indescribable. Lush and gorgeous beyond belief.
The Gardening Was Fantastic:
I’d never had so much luck with gardening as I did digging in that rich soil.
I loved the little green lizards that drove Charlie Ross near crazy. Watching them skitter across the ground and up a fence or tree.
I loved driving out into the countryside with my camera. Because I was so at peace during those drives.
Just heading down a country road and stopping to take photos of cows and horses and wildflowers.
I wish I could have bottled that countryside lined with pine trees and brought it here. Then maybe I could have sprinkled that magic around.
I do love this little house. But I’d love it a lot more if I could lift it up and take it back there. And settle it among those tall pines.
If I could convince my daughters to go with me, I’d dare them to tell me where the tall pines stopped and the blue skies began.
On The Cusp Of A New Year:
On the cusp of this new year, I think I need to stop trying to make myself believe that it was just a place, among the many places I’ve resided.
Turns out, it was a place where there was good. And then there was bad.
Just a step in the journey of my life. A chapter in a book I thought was closed and already put back on the shelf.
I think I finally have to accept that I somehow left part of my heart there, though I didn’t mean to. In a place where the pinecones carpet the ground. And tiny pines spring up all over the place, thick as thieves.
Chapters Of My Life:
Somehow that chapter in the book of my life isn’t quite finished. But I doubt I’ll ever go back there.
Over time, I realize it was the friends I made there that was the difference. I think about them a lot. Sometimes we talk on the phone.
But really, when push comes to shove, the bad things that happened there tainted everything else. Like a wine stain you can’t get out of a white tablecloth.
Memories That Stay With Me:
Those memories stay with me. Reach skeletal fingers into my dreams and turn them into nightmares. That doesn’t seem to fade away with time.
So to sum it up, I’m glad I don’t have those memories staring me in the face. In the house where they occurred.
I realize if I had stayed there, the bad things that happened would somehow have oozed through the walls of that house I once loved.
Because not much good happened within those walls. I know I’ll never forget any of that.
I guess I’m glad I’m not there anymore.