I have been working hard on trying to free my mind of worries. Medical worries. Financial worries. Telling myself things will work out.
Two days ago, while I sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, I took the piece of paper that was my receipt for my co-pay and started jotting ideas down on the back of it. For where I want my blog to go next.
For sometimes you come to a fork in the road, often due to some scare like this, and fully realize that time is not infinite. That you must make hay while the sun shines.
Suffice it to say: When I crossed the state line from Texas into Oklahoma nearly four years ago after my divorce, I told myself what my aim was going to be in life.
I whispered to myself in the car: “I’m going to help other women like me.”
A person does not need a resume for life experience. Because living writes one up for you. So if you’re breathing, you have experience with life.
Along with many others, so many of you, I have lived as a woman who finds myself, as I age, not much of a commodity in this society.
I have lived as a woman who recently found out she has autism. Which kind of threw me for a loop. After 30 years of thinking I was something else.
I have learned what it is to be faceless because you are no longer a hot young babe. Men no longer turn around and stare. And if they did, it would probably mean I had a trail of toilet paper coming out of the back of my pants that I didn’t notice upon leaving the ladies’ room.
I have learned that unless you are a young mother and have children to nurture, people wonder “what you do with yourself.”
Or unless you have a career and are given the elevated status of being a “career woman in a corporate world,” people don’t ask you much of anything. Then you are pretty much just considered put out to pasture till your time comes.
And all of that is sheer nonsense. Of course we have so much to offer! And most importantly, I think, we have so much to offer one another.
I am delving into some new ideas I have to broaden my horizons and that of my blog. As I once wrote: “I’m more than pretty pictures on the wall.”
That still holds true today. More than ever.
I don’t want to just blog about decor and where I moved a lamp and what color should I paint the dresser. Yes, decorating is one of my true loves. But there are so many other waters I yearn to navigate.
I came home the other day with notes jotted all over that piece of paper and all around the margins. Written while I tried to distract myself from whatever the outcome of the biopsies were. Sitting in my chart, already an immutable fact. But one I was not yet privy to.
When I walked out of that office, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had folded up my piece of paper and shoved it into my purse.
I’ll keep you posted. Literally!