I was a little late out watering the container gardens. It was already over 100 in the shade.
There must be some place to live where the summers aren’t so dreadfully hot and muggy.
Just looking at lemons makes me feel a bit cooler. Though I can’t have any. Nothing citrusy due to reflux. Haven’t had lemonade in over 20 years! Oh well, there are far worse things.
Like dreams that repeat themselves over and over in similar form, rotating through the weeks and months. Changing a bit here, adding a bit there.
I have been having the most vivid and complex dreams of late. Sometimes I wish I could take all the little bits and pieces of my dreams and put them on a table, then fit them together like a board puzzle.
When I finally got it all figured it out and each piece snapped smartly into place, I would decoupage it, frame it, and hang it on the wall. Reminding me of how all the strange components of my dreams somehow come together and make sense.
There it would be, hanging, glossy with Mod Podge, the meaning just clear as a bell.
But maybe that is the point. Maybe they’re not supposed to make sense. Perhaps they are just disjointed segments of our lives that are snipped into little pieces and thrown up willy-nilly like confetti.
In my dream last night, I was lost. Well, imagine that! I was in some sort of maze and I would take one turn around a corner, only to discover that it was a dead end.
So I would energetically turn around and head in another direction. Only to walk and walk and turn and turn and find myself at another dead end.
Finally the energy was gone, and I was becoming overwhelmed at all the twists and turns that went on and on but never took me anywhere. I was still locked in the maze.
I think that reflects how I’m feeling right now. A bit scared and overwhelmed, and possibilities loom large out there in the great big world. But I can’t find them.
They are just shadows that beckon me toward them, hoping the dark nebulous forms will take shape. And there will be an answer for me.
This morning when I woke up, the vestiges of the dream hung on. I felt lethargic and weary. East, west, north, south. Where do the answers lie?
Perhaps there are no answers. Just questions that hover in the air and taunt. There isn’t an answer for every problem, I’ve begun to think.
Just questions that loop together like those old-fashioned garlands we made in grade school out of thick colorful paper. We’d glue the pieces into a circle of sorts, and then loop them all together. End to end. Then drape them on the Christmas tree.
Questions milling about in my mind, looping end to end.