You know, it’s funny how the mind forgets about things that aren’t pleasant.
Over the weekend, I felt sluggish. Nauseated. And that is very rare for me. My gums were very sore. And getting worse instead of better.
By Monday I felt like I had the flu. And I’ve only had the flu twice in my life. But I recall how it felt.
Monday morning I called the dentist first thing. Something is wrong, I told her.
At first I thought my mouth was just sore from having my teeth cleaned.
I went in and the dentist and hygienist looked at my mouth. Then she looked at my records, and said: “Looks like you might have what you had a year and a half ago after we worked on your teeth.”
“Do you recall that you got shingles after we worked on your teeth?”
No, I’d happily forgotten all about it.
Because shingles in your mouth, which then spreads to other places, isn’t something you want to remember.
Or maybe it’s just that I’m not as young as I once was and I have enough worrisome things on my mind. Like most folks.
Over the weekend, I recall my head hurt. I wondered if I was getting migraines again. I haven’t had migraines since I left Texas.
I couldn’t get in to see my doctor Monday. I went yesterday afternoon.
I told her I’d never been so aware of my tongue. I have lived 60 years and I don’t recall my tongue feeling too big for my mouth. It’s hard to sleep at night when your tongue can’t find a place to go.
She said that was normal in this instance.
Normal? I thought I was losing my mind. Laying awake at night wondering where to put my tongue so I could go to sleep.
I dragged myself in there in the 100 degree heat. Naturally there were no handicapped spots in front. I was ready to crawl in a hole and cover my head with a tarp till autumn.
Only to have her tell me what I pretty much already knew.
Last time, the dentist had told me, it was on the left. This time it is on the right.
It started in my back upper teeth. Or rather, the gums over them. Which are red and swollen and angry.
Then my forehead. Then I started feeling it on the right side of my lips.
Then my right cheek. My eyelid. My right lower back.
In the middle of the night Monday night, I woke up and it was on the roof of my mouth. I could feel the sore ridges of it with my overly large tongue.
How could I have forgotten that experience when I paid for three crowns and subsequently got shingles?
After the dentist visit on Monday, I went home and got Abi to go to the vet to get her stitches out where they removed a little cyst on her head.
I told the vet that she wakes up coughing despite my running cool steam all night. And I give her Benadryl tablets that they’d told me to give her.
Yes, they said, it likely is collapsing trachea. They x-rayed her chest, but didn’t see it. But, she told me, it doesn’t always show up unless they’re coughing.
Charlie has it too, I think. Just not as bad.
All this makes me sad.
My babies are sick. I am sick. I don’t care if I am sick as long as I can take care of my babies.
I need my babies to be okay.
They’re 11 years old, and I’m looking at the computer screen right now and its blurry through tears because the very thought of not having my babies one day just terrifies me.
The vet gave me another prescription for Abi and handed me another one to take to a pharmacy. I took it to Walgreens and the price for cough syrup was $60 for 2 ounces. I hesitantly declined.
I felt horribly guilty and cried because I felt like I wasn’t taking good care of Abi.
I got her some regular generic cough medicine yesterday. I still feel bad because I always get my pupsters what they need. I take good care of them.
That malt tasted so good. I haven’t been able to eat much since I had my teeth cleaned over a week ago. I sucked that chocolate malt right down.
I’m not too anxious to have any more dental work done at the moment. Even if I already could only eat on the right side, and now the right side has shingles.
Seems like the whole world is crazy right now.
People wanting to spread violence and others inciting violence.
People dead this week that were alive and well and going about their lives just a week ago.
What has happened to people?
Every time I turn on CNN I brace myself for what might have happened while I was taking a shower or sleeping or eating my lunch.
Because it sure seems like a lot of bad stuff is happening right now.
The whole world is like my shingles. Red with pent up anger, and spreading. With no end in sight.
There will be an end to my shingles, I’m sure.
But I don’t know about the rest of the world outside my door.
There were people in this world already starving and needing clean water. Dying of diseases that should have been conquered years ago.
Then inexplicably there are those that have so much hate in their hearts that they feel compelled to hurt others by whatever means available to them.
I don’t get it. I really don’t get it.
But you have to have hope. You can’t give up hope.