The other night before I fell asleep, I found myself thinking about decorating. Which is something I’ve pondered a lot in my life, as I’ve always loved decorating.
How many times have I laid awake at night before moving to a new home thinking how I’d arrange the furniture? Too many to count.
I almost majored in interior design in college. But my advisor said there was no money in it. Which then lead me to journalism. It isn’t exactly a path to money either. Unfortunately I’ve never been drawn to money-making ventures.
In the well of my thoughts in the dark of night as I waited for sleep, I realized that I kind of have my apartment the way I want it.
There aren’t a lot of ways to arrange the furniture. The couch has always been along that one wall. I like my bed facing the door. I’ve always wanted my bed facing the door. So that’s a no-brainer.
Gardening is a true love of mine. I’ll always garden, because it somehow feeds my soul in a way that nothing else does.
I love to plant seeds and watch them sprout from the soil. To plant seedlings and eventually have blooms. I am happiest with a camera in my hand and my eye focusing on various outdoor elements.
I like to sit and enjoy the breeze caressing my face. I am at a point in my life where I no longer yearn for human touch, foreign as that may sound to some.
I feel relaxed around gardens and nature in a way I never am when around human beings. I’m always thinking and worrying about saying the right things and acting the right way. Even around my own family.
I don’t need a lot of human interaction. In fact I can’t abide much of it before I want to close the door and be alone again. I know that probably isn’t the way most feel.
But it’s the way I feel. Whether I want to feel that way or not. I’m just not a social person. I never have been.
Nature is ever changing. It isn’t like you have to decorate it or rearrange anything. Mother Nature does all the changes for you.
The seasons arrive and then intermingle, and there is always something outdoors that captures and holds my attention.
Life is about change. We change. Our desires ebb and flow. We grow tired of some aspects of our lives and suddenly overjoyed about others.
You will always see decorating here. You will see how I aim to live fully in a small space. I love to share that.
I will always fix my cup of coffee and sit down and look around me and think: I sure do love my cozy little apartment. I will always strive to have a pretty home.
But you should know that in many ways my heart is outside on that rectangle of cement patio. Where my garden life resides.
Where I find and enjoy true serenity. And the feel of a soft breeze cooling my face is a touch that does not make me flinch.
I guess the moral of the story is this: Accept who you are. Don’t apologize for it.