Grief

Letting Her Go

flowers

Wednesday when I picked Abi up, the vet and I talked. He told me that the most humane thing for her would be for him to come to my apartment and give Abi a shot. We didn’t want her to suffer.

Having her at home, she wouldn’t be getting the IV fluids and vitamins. He told me there was nothing else we could do for her.

So we decided that he would come over yesterday so I could keep her at home with me.

Just before noon he called and said he was on his way with one of the girls from their office to assist.

Abi had not left my bed all morning. I moved her to the couch to their soft dog bed. Charlie and I were next to her when he gave her the shot.

I tried to be as calm as I could for Abi’s sake. I just kept talking to her and telling her that I loved her.

Watching the light leave my baby’s eyes was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.

They took Abi to be cremated. At least I will have her ashes.

Charlie and I are comforting one another as best we can.

I thank all of you so much for your kind words, comments and emails. It means a lot to me.

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94 Comments

  1. Oh Brenda,
    I am sobbing here for your tremendous lost. I had shoulder surgery and have not been on the computer much in May. I just read your post today and had to follow back to find out what had happened.
    What a blessing your vet was willing to come to your home so Abi could be with you and Charlie at the end.
    I pray GOD will wrap you in his arms as you grieve and give you peace.

  2. Hi Brenda….I have followed your blog for a long time …I don’t often leave a comment but pin many pics of your sweet pupsters & patio garden…I just wanted to say I am truly so very sorry ,,,.Please know I think of you Abi & Charlie daily ….If there is anything at anytime I can do ,,Please let me know.. Sending prayers & strength extra your way….From South Carolina

  3. Brenda, I am just reading this and am so sorry for your loss. It’s the hardest thing to go through ever! I hope the hurt lessens a bit each day.

  4. I just caught up with you. My sympathy and love to you and Charlie, too. We lost 4 dear pets through the years. The sadness becomes less but it takes time. My dogs all were elderly and had pain. Our vets were so loving and kind, they said you have to be selfless and let the pets have peace. But after all these years I could still cry thinking of the special love we shared.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there in your situation and it’s a really hard one and hard decision to make. She loved you so much that she trusted you to take care of her and do the right thing, even if that meant letting her go. It does get easier. Stay positive and remember the good times. Never stop loving.

  6. Brenda, Thank you for sharing this most difficult time with us, your readers. You have shared so much with us, we have come to know you, Charlie and Abi. Letting Abi go has touched me deeply, I still weep for your loss of you precious pup. Hugs,~Crystal

  7. Oh, Brenda! My heart is breaking for you right now. I know how awful it is to lose a pet. I know that Abi was more than a pet to you- she was the baby that your nurtured and loved deeply. I am so sorry. I wish I could wave a wand and take away your sorrow and sense of loss.

    God bless you. Take care of yourself and I will be praying for peace for you- xo Diana

  8. Brenda, I’m heart broken for you and Charlie. I know you are also. Thank goodness you have such a compassionate caring Vet.
    I haven’t written in a long time. But have visited your blog to see how you’re doing. Have thought about how strong you’ve been over the years.
    You don’t have to be strong now. Give yourself time to grieve. I know how much you have loved both of your babies.
    Take care and know that I’m thinking of you.
    Charlotte in Va.

  9. So sorry for your loss. You did well for Abi’s sake to remain calm. May you find comfort in Charlie and in all your wonderful memories of Abi. Hugs. xx

  10. I honestly believe this is one of the hardest things we do as pet owners. To make the decision to let our babies go when they are hurting. I have been there and I am so sorry for you and Charlie.

  11. I agree, how kind and compassionate of your vet and assistant to come to your home so Abi would be surrounded by comfort and love. Obviously, they know what good loving care you give your furry babies. Peace to you, Brenda.

  12. How kind of the vet to come to your home. It has been almost a year since we had to make that decision for Autumn (our 16 yr old doxie) Nicholas had never been an ‘only’ dog and it took some getting used to for him. You adjust and learn a new normal but you never forget. I hope you take comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain.

  13. Brenda, I am so very sorry for your loss and Charlie’s also. You will miss her every minute of the day. Your readers will miss her every morning. She was a delight to so many. Sending love, hugs and tears.

  14. I dread the day I have to do this with Zippo. He’s 19 and I know he doesn’t have much longer. We’ve had to put down other cats in the past, but my husband always took them to the vet for me. I just couldn’t bear to do it. Your vet is an amazing man to come to your house for you and Abi. I’ve already asked my vet’s office ahead of time and they said they don’t do it anymore.

    I am so, so sorry you had to go through this, Brenda. I know how much Abi was loved and what good care you took of her. She gave her a wonderful life full of so much love and that’s what counts. Love, hugs and blessings to you and Charlie.

  15. I have been where you are way too many times. And yet, I always come back for more dogs. The rewards far outweigh the pain of letting them go. They unconditionally give us their devotion, their joy, their trust, their love. And we must deserve their love by not letting them suffer, even though you know it will tear a hole in your heart. You are not alone in your sorrow–so many of us are thinking of you.

  16. You have handled Abi’s with such compassion and grace. Your vet is awesome. Keep Charlie close.

  17. Dear Brenda, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think that out four legged friends are really the nicest entities that we will ever know. Prayers and peace to you and Charlie during this difficult time.

  18. Brenda, you have shared your life and heart so openly through the years and it has helped many of us get through challenges of our own. We have come to care deeply for you and your sweet babies. You, Abi, and Charlie along with Dr Poteet and his staff have been in my prayers numerous times throughout the day for comfort and the mending of your sad and grieving hearts.

  19. Brenda I am so very sorry for your loss. I know and understand your pain. Our pets are family to us and having to let them go is one of the hardest things we ever have to do. Prayers for you and Charlie.

  20. I’m so for your loss. It’s such a loss for animal lovers that equals the grief felt losing someone. Thinking of you.

  21. So very sorry Brenda. Going to miss Abi on your blog as many will. Yet somehow I just know that you and Charlie in your own special way are somehow telling the other “keep your chin up ducky”. Hard to do no doubt but between tears and the feelings of loss you will make it through. Sweet Abi is no doubt commandeering the top spot in doggie heaven for all the best photo ops! Bless her. Bless Charlie. And bless you Brenda!

  22. So sorry Brenda, it is the kindest but most painful decision we make as pet parents.
    You and Charlie are in my thoughts and prayers. .

  23. I have been thinking of you and Abi so much the past few days. We had to do the same with our German Shepherd Dani and I was one of the sadist days in our lives. She was at the vet and we spent some time visiting with her. It’s a hard decision but there are no other options when they can never get better and you don’t want them to suffer. I spent most of my next few weeks crying and to this day I miss her and the constant company she provided. You are in my prayers.

  24. I have walked that road as you did, it’s a hard road. But I felt it was what I had to do, be their Mum till the very end. Hugs!!!

  25. .Brenda, I’m was so sad to hear about Abi. I have been following your blog for the last year, I’ve grown to love Abi and Charlie . I love it when Abi photo bombs your pictures. That adorable little face looking out at us, and Charlie barking at the squirrels.I lost my little Yorkshire terrier (MADISON) 3 year ago, she was 12 years old.I sleep with her ashes on my bed side table each night.I tell her good night and i love her. She help me get through a very difficult time in my life and she never left my side. I have a new best friend and her name is (Emma Rose) and she is 3 years old and weights 3.2 pounds. I said i wasn’t ready to get another baby so soon after
    loosing my other baby. But it has work out great because i can’t imagine my life without her. Please know we are praying for you and Charlie everyday.Take care of yourself.

  26. I was wondering if Abi had suffered. You did the right thing, but oh how hard it is! It’s not something I wish for anyone to go through, but I suppose those who have fur babies knows that terrible day will come. But it’s so worth it.

  27. Thank you for sharing Abi’s passing. It has helped me to better understand losing my fur baby. You are a wonderful person who cares for other people and fur babies. And I am so glad to know that you are having Abi cremated. She will always be with you. I wish I could take away your pain, but only time will help with that. God bless you and Charlie.

  28. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear Abi. Thank you for sharing her life with your readers. I read your blog every day and think of you as a friend. You have been such a wonderful mother to your pups. Abi and Charlie are the reason I have my yorkies Milo and Molly!

  29. I know it was a comfort to Abi to have you and Charle there by her side as she slipped away. You have a wonderful vet to come to your house like that. Charlie will understand where Abi has gone. I’ve got tears in my eyes at what you have gone through. Our little dogs live forever in our hearts.

  30. I am so sorry to hear this sad news. You have always been such a wonderful caregiver to your dogs. (and cats, previously). Truly, this was your last, selfless act for Abi.

  31. How nice of the vet to come to the house and bring his assistant to help care for Abi. I feel as tho he was greatly concerned for you, too. I know your heart is aching so much now. I’ve followed you with those pups for years and I know the void she will leave. Charlie needs lots of love and cuddles now too so I’m sure he will console you.

  32. Brenda,

    What a gift of love you gave to your sweet Abi. You and Charlie continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

  33. Brenda ~ bless you for doing the absolutely right thing for your beloved Abi. And blessings on your wonderful vet and his staff, for coming to you. I had been worried about a possible ride home for you.
    May the wonderful memories you have of Abi Rose sustain you in the days and months to come. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve.
    More cyber hugs coming your way ~

  34. A caring and compassionate vet. I do not think many will make a house call these days. It’s SOOOOOO hard to decide to put a beloved pet to sleep, but you did the right thing for your girl after trying medical intervention and care. Abi did not suffer, that’s the most important thing. I hope you won’t second guess yourself, Brenda. The pain will pass with time. The joy and love and memories of Abi will live on.

  35. Oh Brenda. We chose the exact same thing for our Abby when it was time. We felt it would be less stressful for her to have the shot administered at home. I know there are a lot of us crying along with you. I’m glad you have Charlie with you. Take good care

  36. Dear Brenda,
    In 2013, I broke up with someone whom I was with for twelve years. We had just gotten the house of my dreams and had gotten engaged. Up until that final year, I thought I’d had the world on a string. I had a rescued black Labrador that he had gotten for my birthday and I had a chocolate Labrador that showed up one day. Anyway, the future between us fizzled, I had to move in with my mom for six months until I could find a little house I could afford and love.
    When I moved in, my chocolate lab had gotten so sick. I took her to three different doctors and finally the last one found the cancerous tumor that was causing me to lose her.
    I ended up losing her on Christmas Eve that year, and it almost broke me. I had lost so much and was trying to start over from nothing. But my black lab and I found that we could make a life, and with the help of your blog helping me enjoy my new found freedom to make my own cozy home, we managed, and you helped. I thank you for that.
    In the summer, I rescued a wonderful older Bichon from a local dog rescue program run by people who just love animals.
    We made a garden, took walks and my babies made me laugh and forget the hurt. I became a dog foster mama. I felt like I had a purpose.
    I had to lay my black Labrador to rest this winter. It was so hard to say goodbye to my angel who gave me strength. But he taught me to keep going and to continue to love. I have my bichon and a little mutt whom I became a foster failure for, and we are making our way.
    I just want you to know that I thank you very much for your stories and your openness in sharing your life. You have helped me with my heartbreak, and I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that you give back so much. My heart goes out to you and the silence that has entered your life. I hope you and Charlie possibly find another companion- there are so many, especially, the older ones, that need the love that you know how to give.

  37. I’d hug that vet and his assistant if I could. They did a kind thing for you and Abi. It’s hard to come by such thoughtful kindness. My heart is with you, Brenda.

  38. ” GRIEF, I’VE LEARNED IS REALLY JUST LOVE. IT’S ALL THE LOVE YOU WANT TO GIVE BUT CANNOT.
    ALL OF THAT UNSPENT LOVE GATHERS UP IN THE CORNERS OFYOUR EYES, THE LUMP IN YOUR THROAT, AND IN THE HOLLOW PART OF YOUR CHEST.
    GRIEF IS JUST LOVE WITH NO PLACE TO GO..”
    SNUGGLES TO CHARLIE, AND LOVE TO YOU PRECIOUS LADY

  39. My prayers are with you so that you find acceptance of your dear Abi’s passing. May you find joy and peace with Charlie for many years to come.

  40. What a wonderful life Abi had and I know she left behind some wonderful memories to help fill the hole in your heart.
    (((Hugs)))
    Nancy

  41. Dear Brenda, you made an incredibly hard but loving decision. You and Abi were blessings to each other. May your days get lighter from here on out. Thinking of you.

  42. I am so glad you are having her cremated and she will be home with you once more. We did that with all our pups and it is a real comfort when that sense of loss is so unbearable. How wonderful that you have such a compassionate vet … what a blessing!

    Our dear pup had the same diagnosis and while we were offered the option of giving her subcutaneous fluid treatments at home and did so, it only served to delay the inevitable.

    Praying for you and Charlie. Don’t be surprised if he too mourns her loss. So glad the two of you are there to comfort each other. (((Hugs)))

  43. You have an amazing vet to come to your home to help you and Charlie with Abi. Take time for yourself and hug on Charlie because he has to adapt and mourn too. You have given each of them a wonderful life full of love but it still hurts. I had to have two of mine put down in the space of two months and it was very hard. You have such a kindred spirit Brenda and you make us all feel loved. Sending you ((((((hugs))))) and healing thoughts.

  44. I am so glad the vet could come to your house so Abi could be at home. My son lost his cat recently to cancer and his vet came to the house. I was with him and it was good to not have to go back to the vet for that. I know this hurts terribly but always remember you gave her a wonderful life. Maybe you could plant something special in remembrance of her? I’m sending you and Charlie all my comforting and healing thoughts.

  45. That is amazing your vet did this for you. Prayers for you during your sad time but you will wonderful memories of your Abi.

  46. your vet is wonderful to do that for you. instead of a cold and clinical room.
    i have the ashes of both my little dogs… Sarah and Zeke. we were a family.
    they will be buried with my own ashes and next to my husband when my time comes. they were like my own children. just as Abi and Charlie are for you and all those who love an animal here feel about them. we mourn with you over Abi.
    and maybe it’s an odd thing to say… but having two beautiful little urns holding their clean white ashes in the same room with me was comforting and still is. it’s like they’re somehow still with me. i know it makes no sense. i’m just telling you if you feel that way too you are not alone! in their lives you know that they are ALWAYS wherever WE are! and so they’re still with me. and if it has ever offended anyone seeing their little urns on the shelf near my favorite books then they’ve never said so. and it would make no difference to me. it’s my home.
    i find in it peace and love and simple acceptance of the circle of life.
    sending you love and peace too at this hardest of times dear Brenda. xo

  47. I am so sorry Brenda. I am glad she could be with you and Charlie before she passed on. Sending hugs and prayers for you and Charlie. This is very painful I know and have been where you are right now. Please know that time does not make the heart ache and loss and pain easier but it does have a way of making this loss more tolerable. I wish that for you.
    Hugs,
    Kris

  48. Brenda, You are admired and loved by so many people. Your care and love of Abi and Charlie show what a really good person you are. You won’t get over this but you will get through it. Charlie needs you now more than ever. cuddle him, love him and keep him close to you. After all, he too lost Abi and he will miss her and mourn for her.

    I hope you will dig into your garden and change things around your in your apartment because I think it will truly help and Abi will be right there beside you and Charley. Animals have souls as sure as I’m sitting here writing to you so they are ALWAYS with us forever and ever.

    Please take good care of yourself because we all want to continue reading your blog. Know that your readers all love you and are thinking of you and Charlie and little Abi.

  49. Having read about your pups over the years has been a pleasure. I will miss reading about Abi but I hope as you will remember her in the best light possible and let us share your memories. Your vet sounds like a wonderful, kind and caring person, the best helper under the most difficult circumstance. Wishing you and Charlie love and peace in this very difficult time.

  50. OMG…That is one of the hardest moments to go through with your furbabies. I did this with one of our dogs and I cried & sobbed. I was able to kiss & talk to him, but it wasn’t easy. My heart goes out to you. Please rest easy, though, she’s in God’s hands.

  51. Goodbyes are the hardest part of this life. Thinking of you & sending love & white light for comfort.

  52. I am so very sorry for your loss. We love our fur babies so that they take a piece of our heart when they leave. ???

  53. Your veterinarian is a very compassionate man and his assistant coming to your home is truly kind. Abi was surrounded by mom and brother Charlie as she crosses over the Rainbow Bridge.
    Hugs to you Brenda and Charlie as you learn to live without Abi.
    Take care, Kathleen in Az

  54. Even though I already sent my condolences to you, I felt that I needed to reach out to you again. I was in tears reading about your loss. Our pets have such a special place in our hearts. Thinking of you….

  55. I’m so sorry, Brenda. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this painful time. Hugs to you and Charlie.

  56. So hard to do, but how good of the vet and an assistant to come out to the house. Whenever I’ve had to make this decision, it meant a trip back to the vet’s office, usually scheduled at the end of the afternoon when all the other appointments were done. But oh that last ride together, forever in my memory. Please know how much we’re all thinking of you and Charlie, take care, go out into your garden, rest, and let your tears come.
    Mary

  57. My heart breaks for you. I have been in your place and it is a terrible decision to make and yet the best for our furry loves. I am sitting here reading your update and tears are rolling down my cheeks. Sending love and wishing I could take your pain and heartbreak away. I have my pups ashes too and I talk to Mollie and Lucy often. ❤️

  58. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do also but it was the right and loving thing to do. Prayers to you and Charlie.

  59. Brenda, I have shed so many tears over the years for our furbabies and it actually got worse as time went on. Except for Molly, all our furbabies and other pets were all buried in the yard of our previous house. We had Molly cremated and she’s in our condo with us now. Cry as many tears as you must. Hug!

  60. Brenda this has brought tears to my eyes today and the memory of losing our two sweet pups this year. It is never easy but because of their love, trust and devotion, our unconditional loving fur family depends on us to keep them safe , comfortable and unfortunately, make the hard decisions.

    Thinking of you and Charlie at this very sad time
    Sue

  61. It is never going to be easy for us . I had to do the same with my pug of 18 years. She was just not herself and would wonder around the house and wind up in places she had never gone before. I also had her cremated and have her ashes. I hope your pain eases somewhat. Hugs to you and Charlie.pam

  62. I am so sorry for your loss. Our sweet four-legged babies are family and to lose one feels like a hole in your heart. Tough decision, but you did the right thing out of love and compassion. God Bless You and Charlie.

  63. Been there and I know it is sooooo very hard!! Praying comfort for you today …… and for little Charlie…

  64. So glad that you and Charlie were there to comfort her. Good for Charlie to understand. I know you heart is breaking. Hugs

  65. Brenda,
    The kindest thing you ever did for sweet Abi was to let the vet give her the shot. I too had to do the same and I went to the vet with my Munchen. They said to take as much time and to let them know when I was ready, oddly, after I loved on Munchen and fawned on her and took come selfies with her she let me know by crawling from my arms and laying on her blanket. As they administered the shot I was crying and I told her I loved her and the vet as well as the tech told her how much she was loved, and she started to wag her tail. My pup went out of this world as did your Abi with her mom by her side knowing she was loved and that is a blessing. I am thinking of you and Charlie and know that pain is real but hope that by looking out your window at your beautiful garden that you can see something to smile about.

    You and your pups are very special to those of use that follow along here and we are heartbroken for you and Abi and Charlie. I am crying as I type this.

    Sending love and prayers to the two of you.

  66. If it is necessary for us to make this decision again for any of our remaining furry family, I will most certainly follow the procedure that you have presented. What a kind, compassionate vet (and his wonderful staff) to provide this service in your home among familiar and private surroundings. What a wonderful life your Abi had.

  67. Yes, that light going out of their eyes is what stays with you a long long time. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m so glad you both were at home for the end. You’ve been on my mind so much. I know how hard this is and nothing really helps for a long time, just time. It took me four months with Otis for the first memories of the day of him were about the wonderful beautiful happy times together, not the end. It will come someday, Brenda. Please take care and much love to you and to Charli.

  68. What a kind and very caring vet to come to your house. I had an animal hospice come to do the same for my large Labrador. It was the best way of all my babies that I have lost, having her
    at home when the shot was given and then taking her for cremation. I am so sorry for your loss and I know you will make a special garden on your patio for your Abi.
    Hugs,
    Gina

  69. I am so sorry for your loss of Abi – I think I have been just as upset as I was when I
    was losing one of ours. Reading you every day you and the pups seem like family.
    Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers and do keep Charlie close as he will
    be wondering where she is. Know you are loved by many people and they, as we, feel
    your pain. Love and Hugs……….

  70. As much as the pain absolutely flattens us,they’re not able to tell us they can’t do this anymore and it’s time to go…
    I’m glad that you had someone else with you and that she crossed the rainbow bridge peacefully, painlessly and surrounded by love.
    Now you need to take time to grieve and to heal and help Charlie also,he will miss his sister too.
    Love and hugs!

  71. I’m so sorry for your loss, both to you and Charlie. I’ve enjoyed meeting Abi through your blog, she always made me smile! Prayers to you and Charlie as you comfort each other during this difficult time.

  72. Thank you for doing the kind thing for Abi. She is grateful to you for caring for her as long as you could and then letting her go when it was time. She’s no longer in pain. Hugs and prayers, cousin!

  73. I’m so very sorry. Our wonderful pets are such an integral part of our lives and you are a wonderful “pet” mom.

    1. I’m so sorry Brenda. I’ve had to have our dog of fourteen years put down. I held his paws until he was gone. It is heart wrenching. Glad you have Charlie

  74. Oh Brenda, I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you. I have been thinking of you and Abi and Charlie so often, my heart is truly breaking for you. Some day in the near future I will have to make that decision about my old girl, Lily, and I have been dreading it. Poor sweet Abi I know you will miss her so terribly. xoxoxo