What a bizarre title, you’re probably thinking. I’ve been doing some reading about sociopaths. And since there are a high number of them, there may actually be a sociopath sleeping right next to you in your bed.
How Many Sociopaths Are There?
It is estimated that 1 in 25 people are sociopaths. Startling, isn’t it?
I started thinking about this due to the number of emails I was receiving from women about their divorce or impending divorce. Some of the stories were horrific.
Not that they were beaten to within an inch of their lives; those scars would heal. It is the psychological torture; the gaslighting.
What is Gaslighting?
“I never said that. You’re making things up again.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”
I have been reading about women whose husbands have cleaned them out financially behind their backs. Husbands who never let them see the tax returns, but demand they sign on the dotted line.
You’re probably thinking. Why on earth would a woman sign on the dotted line not knowing what she was signing? By virtue of that question, I must assume that you have not been in a toxic abusive relationship before.
You can’t judge a book by its cover. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.
They Have No Conscience, Therefore No Guilt:
You are dealing with someone who has no conscience. And if you are the person signing the documents, you have a conscience. And you are smart to be afraid.
It’s not like they (men or women) go around with a sign looped around their neck that says: Warning: I am a sociopath.
You know what they say regarding what you should do when someone is pointing a gun at you: Stay calm. Keep your wits about you.
The sociopath’s gun is his/her lack of remorse. So don’t be foolish and poke the bear. Just quietly find a way out of their sights until you are safe.
The bizarre manipulation and confounding lengths these individuals will go to to ruin you is scary. The statistics alone are frightening.
Four percent. 4% of ordinary people are sociopaths. One may be sleeping in your bed. They may be a family member, a co-worker, or a friend.
Unmasking The Sociopath:
It is only when you manage to unmask them that you see what they really are. Don’t cross them. Turn around and walk in the other direction.
If you are sleeping with the sociopath and just had a sweeping flash of what your future will be, you are probably looking for a way out. Good for you. Because it will only get worse.
It’s like fighting someone with one hand tied behind your back. You have a conscience and therefore limits to your behavior and the lengths you will go to. He/she does not. This puts you at a great disadvantage.
That’s all well and good, you may be thinking. But how do you untangle yourself from such a person and a relationship?
Leaving a Sociopath – 5 Break Up Musts
1. As soon as the door shuts, have your door locks rekeyed.
2. Go No Contact and Non-Threat
3. Reconnect With People Who Love Us
4. Find People Who Know What We’re Going Through
5. Please – don’t even think about dating
Remember con artists, users, and takers sense vulnerability.
Right now we’re more vulnerable than a newborn baby.
As we can – do things that soothe. – Avoid romantic music and “our song”. Go for care and nurturing. We gave up things we love doing during the con. – Start again as we’re able. Fall in love with ourselves.
(Information found at The Mind’s Journal)
How many times have I sat and picked at the carcass of a now dissolved marriage, trying to figure out why? I have learned that that is a fruitless labor. There is no answer to why.
I never could figure out how he could so fulsomely make me believe he loved me while doing the things he did.
I tried so hard to figure out when things went wrong. Now I know they were never right to begin with.
It was never really a marriage. It was a time bomb set to go off.
I so wanted closure after the divorce. I needed to put my questions and answers to rest. But that would never really happen.
There are many reasons why you will not get closure from the sociopath:
- They like to retain control
- They do not like exposure
- They are secretive because of the above
- They do not think that they have done anything wrong
- In their own mind, they would prefer to shift the blame onto you
- If you take them back, you will still not get closure, because they have by now put on a new mask
- They often do not know why
- They have a sense of entitlement that they can behave in that way
- They do not want to go over the past
(From Dating A Sociopath. I suggest you go to that link and read more.)
I have found happiness and peace. It took some time to get there. I am still to this day bewildered by what happened.
But I have gone through the tunnel and am now firmly on the other side. And it is from this side that I wish to help women just like me.
We may look different, act different and be different. But with the burning embers we are left with, we are all the same.
Please take this very seriously. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 1 year or 45. This person wears a mask. When all is said and done, you will wonder when that wonderful charming man that you married changed.
The important thing to remember is that he did not change. He just put on different masks when you weren’t looking.