I miss the pretty blooms. My patio has been pretty barren of flowers in the past month. The heat has stifled all their energy and turned many plants brown, despite my efforts to save them.
I surely miss the golden yellow of the tall zinnias. The ones I recently planted aren’t doing all that well, and I hope I’ll at least get a few blooms before winter sets in.
Meanwhile I focus on the plants indoors. It’s hard for me to go long without tending something green that grows and gives me joy.
Ivy has fun swiping at the few strands of this lipstick plant that dares to hover over the sides of the beverage stand. But I let her have her fun. You have to have a balance and pick your battles, as they say.
Right now she’s tossing her “baby” that I showed you the other day way up into the air and trying to catch it. It’s fun to watch the games she makes up to amuse herself.
She also likes to run underneath the curtains. When I go over and look down at her, she peers up at me as though she can’t believe it.
I don’t think she can make the mental transition of seeing all of me to seeing just my face in the space between the curtains and French doors. The look on her face is hilarious.
The Pill Pockets that Charlie used to love barely gets his attention anymore. I’ll have to figure out another way to get his meds down him.
This morning and yesterday he didn’t eat all of his boiled egg that he used to beg for all day. I started giving it to him in the morning so he’d let me have some peace, but he isn’t all that interested in it anymore.
This of course hits me where it hurts most. To see him changing. Enjoying less. I keep telling myself to cling to the days with him with all my might.
Last night I finished watching “Paranoid.” I don’t know what I’ll watch next. In the living room I’ve still been watching “The Fall” and I really enjoy that series.
I haven’t gone out since Saturday and that was only to pick up a sandwich and bring it home.
We had a short reprieve on the heat, but now the temps are creeping back up into digits that means I close the curtains and sit in the shadows.
The chimes are tinkling and the plant leaves are shaking in the cool air from the vents. That is virtually the only movement indoors right now. Except for Ivy moving about and the ceiling fans whirring and stirring the air.
I’ve been reading a book about a woman in Britain who is poor and rides the bus to and from the grocery store where she works each day. One Friday she gets off the bus and realizes there is something heavier in her hand bag.
When she gets home to her tiny one room apartment, she sees that it is packs of money. At first she cannot look away from it. She counts the bills over and over again. It isn’t a tremendous sum. But how did it get in her bag between getting on the bus and then getting off at her usual stop?
She keeps looking for a notice that someone lost something on the bus, but there is nothing.
She has succumbed to spending some of it. And once she does, she finds it’s hard to stop.
She hasn’t always been poor. She adjusted to buying the cheapest of everything. But she needed a new laptop and sneakers. She took her neighbor and her boys out for pizza and ice cream for a treat. Before she knows it, she has spent quite a bit of the money she fully intended to give back to its rightful owner.
What will happen if someone realizes she has the money and has spent some of it? It felt so delicious to actually buy herself something.
She hides the money, then takes it out and counts it, as though she is addicted to touching it. She debates hiding it in her tiny apartment when she goes out. But wouldn’t it be safer to keep it with her?
She is fired from her job for allowing a poor young mother with a baby to get by without buying a few items. It isn’t the first time she’s done this out of pity and wanting to help. She knows what it feels like to be so poor and she feels sorry for the young mother whose eyes are already filled with weariness and despair.
But she is rightfully let go. Now she will have to spend the money to pay her bills. How long will it last? Will she be able to secure another job? These thoughts and the appearance of the money is making her feel afraid. Plus she’s noticed a man cropping up everywhere she goes now.
Whereas her job as a grocery store clerk was boring and barely paid the bills, now she realizes how important it was to have that one small bit of tidiness in her life. Of not having to worry whether she would at least be able to pay the rent on her small flat. Of having somewhere to go each day that meant she’d get a paycheck.
The money has been a gift, but also now it is a burden. They say don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. But maybe sometimes it’s best not to see the gift horse at all.