Reflections/Life

Regret

The rain has paused for a bit. Sure is cold.

Colder when I’m sitting here with a large ice back along much of my back. Ah well, next will be heat. And that fireplace is churning out warmth about 4 feet away.

Woke up this morning stiff as a board, as my Granny would say. I gingerly stood up and walked like a robot. Took care of the pets’ needs, had a bowl of cereal and my cup of coffee.

Went about like I was walking on a stretch of land minds.

I’m thinking I’d better get more groceries in here by the end of the week. Either I’ll be able to walk through the store and get them myself. Or I’ll sign back up for a delivery service. I’m thankful for that option if needed.

The hardest part of grocery shopping is lugging those heavy sacks to my apartment.

Last time I wanted to make fewer trips and carried about 4-5 in one hand at a time. I see now that that was not wise. Live and learn.

Learning To Take It Easy Isn’t Easy:

When you’re getting about well you don’t really think of those things. No, if you’re nimble and pain free, you just do what seems most practical.

It’s only later when you’re barely walking that you look back and regret your actions.

Ah well, there’s so much regret in life. Most of it needless.

What did regret ever do for anyone except make you relive your actions over and over again? Maybe make you think twice next time.

But does it help matters?

No. And wallowing around in a sea of regret takes away from the current moment. I learned long ago that one must live in the moment. Though I don’t always heed my own advice.

That Thing Called Regret:

If regret would fix some of the massive mistakes and horrible decisions I’ve made in life, I’d be the first in line to sign up.

When you make a ‘mistake’, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. ‘Mistakes’ are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.”  –  Hugh White

It could be something as simple as needlessly injuring myself. Or it could be something far worse, like marrying someone you never should have married.

It’s only been these 9 years of being by myself that I’ve learned so much. Maybe it takes being by yourself for the clarity of a situation to become crystal clear.

No other voices in the mix. No acrimony or ugly words said and exchanged. Just the silence that allows the clear thoughts to rise to the surface of your consciousness.

You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.  – Richard Branson

Those Who Haven’t Been Tested:

Really, sometimes I pity people who have had an easy smooth surface to glide along on. A road with no pot holes and nails to become enmeshed in their tires.

They probably think people like me, who took years to learn from my mistakes, are daft. Or terribly hardheaded.

Maybe they think they’re simply more intelligent than most. Better equipped to make the right choices.

I’ve got news for them. Yes, they may be smarter than me emotionally. They may have successfully rounded the curves without their tires veering over the side.

But if you haven’t had a bad stretch of road yet, you don’t know what those potholes feel like when your tires hit them. You don’t feel the jolt in your spine.

If you’ve been fortunate enough to have an easier, smoother life than most, you might feel superior. But if you haven’t truly been tested, you don’t know what you’d do in a given situation.

You don’t know if you’d be blinded by emotions or get swept up in that giddy headiness of feeling loved. Because all of that muddies the waters.

Learning From Your Mistakes:

I guess sometimes you just have to knock your head against the wall repeatedly before the answers are laid bare.

Many times what we perceive as an error or failure is actually a gift. And eventually we find that lessons learned from that discouraging experience prove to be of great worth.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

It’s raining again.

I shall look at it as a gift from nature, not annoyance after so many days of it. I have to remind myself that the rain sweeps away the dust that obscures our vision.

It seems to make the slate clean again.

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33 Comments

  1. I was scrolling on pinterest. On common ground was listed under the picture, there was a guy in the picture doing a large table piece in a window box. I was a floral designer and it caught my eye. Anyway in the description was a list of blogs. There were several I had followed years ago yours was one and A Stroll Thru Life was another.
    It appears you have moved again.nI followed you through 2 of your moves. I think they were small houses with yards.
    Good to see you are still doing. I bought myself an up cart, works great for moving things like groceries up stairs.
    I have to say my biggest regret is not appreciating my husband enough. He died sept 6th 2016. We had 55 years together and I miss him everyday. Glad to see you here.I have wondered about people I sort of knew through the internet. Blessings Judith

  2. Your home looks lovely and welcoming for the upcoming season. It seems you have set up a cozy space for you and your fur babies to keep toasty. The decor is ready to bring in some lovely happy feelings which we could all use a bit of these days. My mother is 93 and is moving into assisted living tomorrow. Of of the reasons we’ve encouraged this is the grocery shopping dilemma. When this pandemic started she’d changed her shopping habits. Instead of going to the store “regularly” she moved it out to 10-14 days in between trips. She buy so much on each visit that after getting everything into the house, putting away perishable items and leaving non perishable items on the counter, she’d have to lay down. She’d way over buy so she could shop less frequently. I’d take her 2 days to recover. At 93 we finally convinced her she deserves not to do all that “hard” stuff any more (like grocery shopping). So, tomorrow is a big transition day for her but for us kids we’ll know she’s somewhere safe with people checking in on her daily. She’ll have her own apartment but meals (except breakfast) are provided. Any grocery shopping will be done by delivery for the now. I guess that’s a long winded way to say I understand how carrying groceries can be a pain, literally!

  3. I hope that you’ve had a much better day. If I’m not careful my mind will take me right down the rabbit hole called ‘regret’. I know I can fix the things I regret but the guilt can be overwhelming.
    When I was living in apartment complex some of the people had garden wagons they used to haul their groceries and such from their cars to their apartments. Food for thought!!!

  4. Regret is a normal feeling and can lead to gaining some wisdom provided we don’t wrestle with it to the point that it turns into despair.

  5. You are right, you never think about how you do things until something happens. My husband is 73 and he is finally learning to work smart and not hard. He has always been big and strong and could muscle his way thru, until now. Instead of carrying the bags of groceries from the car into the house, I had him buy a little red cart and now he wheels the groceries in the cart and to the kitchen door where I unload them. Instead of carrying everything while doing yard work, he attaches the cart to the mower and transports things that way. We got a portable bench/kneeler that we can use when weeding, planting, etc. Smarter, not harder…life is too short to suffer in pain.

  6. Well, you know Brenda, if anybody tells me that they’ve never hit any nails or bumps on the road of life, I’d think to myself “Liar.” And my goodness, what a boring kind of life that would be if it was actually true and my lie sniffer-outer was defective.

  7. Years ago when a friend confided in me her husband was seeing someone else and was leaving her for that girl, I thought to myself then “why would I ever want a man who goes from one home to another home without ever being on his own to figure out what he wanted in life”. It’s always stuck with me cause he didn’t stay with that one and ended up back with my friend. I realize some people are needy and want to depend on someone else or there are those out there who prey on a companion they can control by making them feel dependent but honestly I would think being alone helps sort out your mind in a good way and then decide how you chose to live out your life. It seems to be these 9 years (which I can’t believe it’s been that long now since you left Texas) being alone has been good for you in becoming a much stronger person.

  8. Throwing caution to the wind is wonderful and fabulous when we’re young! The mistakes along the way, may be heartbreaking at the time, but lead us to where we are today.
    Acceptance and gratitude even for the mistakes, brings me peace.
    Feel better Brenda.

  9. I lived on top floor of an apartment complex. I bought one of those 2 wheel carts from Walmart. It was the best thing I’ve ever bought there. I continued to use it when I moved to take things from car to house and even to my church and club activities. It is a real back and legs saver for sure. It’s also useful in the house for transporting laundry or stacks of things.

    1. Yes. Yes. yes. My “old lady cart” best investment I’ve for Getting groceries or bargain finds from the car to my house! I can roll so much from the car to the kitchen and unload it as I can. I got mine at a local thrift store, but try Amazon or Walmart. Feel better, relax and be grateful for all you are all you have and all you give. I am grateful to have you in my life.

      1. I have one too. I used it when I lived at the top of a hill and sometimes lugging groceries home from the supermarket was a real burden if I was getting ready to entertain family or friends and was buying more than my usual. But I couldn’t take it to work with me, and so for 25 years I would get off the bus at the end of a work day and walk to the supermarket a few blocks away, to pick up only enough items that I could carry home comfortably. And then Id go “big” shopping, sometimes with the cart, but more often not because what woman in her 40s used a granny cart, on Saturdays. So I was going to the supermarket 3-4 times a week. Ridiculous! Now retired, but still entrenched in going to the supermarket 3 times a week to get my 3 miles of walking in every week, when the pandemic hit I pulled the cart out of the garage, cleaned it up, and have been using it ever since. What a relief to be able to get all kinds of things plus extras like paper towels and large packages of toilet paper (nobody seems to make anything resembling the before-pandemic 4-pak any longer) that aren’t heavy but would take up all the space in my canvas grocery totes. Once a week trips and sometimes I can stretch it out to 10 days between trips to the supermarket. It’s Heaven. And nobody looks twice at me lugging my granny cart behind me on the walk to the supermarket, or pushing it in front of me (loaded to the top) on the walk back home. The perfect thing for a person who doesn’t drive – or how you use yours, to haul your goodies from the car to your home in one fell swoop!

  10. When my knee was shattered last year, as I finally got to therapy, they would heat it up first to get it moving, I did my exercises, and then they did ice last to reduce swelling. I regret not moving out of the way fast enough as my dogs were playing and slammed into it from the side, breaking it. The more I sat on the couch after I could walk again the more it stiffened up and hurt. So it’s move it or lose – I’m headed out after cleaning houses(my job) for an hour walk in the hills at 31 degrees. I’m 57.

    1. Good for you! Yes, I’m moving when I’m able to be mobile. Too much so sometimes. That’s usually how I injure myself. Not stopping when I should.

  11. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    Courage to change the things I can
    And the wisdom to know the difference.

    The Serenity Prayer

  12. Brenda I agree with the suggestion of getting a folding rolling cart to transport groceries from your car, I’m sure you could find one that suits your needs on Amazon. Thank goodness there are so many products available for seniors and others that need help dealing with life’s daily challenges.

      1. I can second that. I ordered mine from Amazon. It has the three little wheels on the back so you can pull it up steps when necessary and has been such a help. Hope you feel better soon, Brenda!
        Sherry in Little Rock

  13. My new mantra is….don’t look back; you’re not going in that direction. As a lifelong control freak, that’s a difficult thing to do. My husband died in his sleep. I was sleeping on the couch because I had a terrible cold and didn’t want him to catch it. Naturally, I blamed myself. I thought that if I had been sleeping beside him, I could have saved him. Regret and guilt set in immediately. But slowly I realized that I was not in control of the situation. Oh, regret is a terrible thing!

  14. Brenda, sign up for Instacart, see which grocers they go to in your area. Deliver right at your door…been using them since feb….so much easier if you are a senior or handicapped in any way. Good luck.

  15. As you get on in years you realize the mistakes you made in your younger years. You think to yourself that I wish I hadn’t been in such a hurry to jump into a situation, but that comes with maturity! I can honestly say I have no regrets for anything I ever did because many good things came out of it!

  16. Oh Brenda,
    such a timely subject. I read once that “Regret is the most expensive of all emotions.” I have navigated through some real potholes of heartbreak. And, come out the other side smarter and a lot less trusting… at least for awhile. I now plod a bit more carefully.
    Keep warm and safe and enjoy the love of your family and fur babies. I hope your back can get better!

  17. MAYBE IT’S TIME TO GET YOU ONE OF THOSE “GRANNY CARTS “.
    THEY MAKE IT SO MUCH EASIER TO “CARRY ” THINGS. I’VE HAD ONE FOR ABOUT 15 YRS. AND CAN’T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT IT. I EVEN USE IT TO TRANSPORT MY TRASH TO THE DUMPSTER. TO GET PKGS. FROM MY MAILBOX HERE AT APT. COMPLEX AND MOVE THINGS FROM ROOM TO ROOM IN MY APT., LIKE THE STACK OF 12 BOOKS I RECEIVED IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY .
    POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS FOR YOUR HEALTH TO IMPROVE.