Special

You will always remember that person who said you were special.

Those magic words lit you up from the inside out.

Especially if you’ve never ever felt special before.

Because who doesn’t want to be considered special?

And with those words all the doors to the kingdom are unlocked.

Like a princess in a dream, you are instantly transformed. Now you look out at the world through rose colored glasses.

Until one day those glasses are broken into sharp little pieces.

Ultimately “you are special” can become the most costly words ever to be uttered. Because of what you would do for that person who said them.

Like a drug it gets into your system and the addiction leads the way. To do more and believe more and throw caution to the wind.

Because feeling special is such an enticement that it takes over your senses.

But in the end, decades later, the words cause you to feel sick. You know you would blindly have followed “you are special” to the ends of the earth.

So was it worth it to be queen for a day? Only to feel like a fool for the ages?

18 Comments

  1. Yep—what you described here, Brenda, is Relationship Addiction.

    Finally healed from that by the Lord’s help via individual therapy, group therapy, lots of research/reading, 12-Step groups, abstinence for awhile, and more.

    There’s a 12-Step group specifically for this, called SLAA: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I was never a sex addict, thankfully, but definitely an addict of destructive romantic relationships.

    Hope all this helps some out there. 😉🙏

  2. Brenda, I agree with everyone of the comments here, you are special to everyone here. Your story , your history, insight and articulation of everything that shaped you into the woman you are is an inspiration.
    Thank God you were able to get away from this man and live your life on your own terms.

    Have a great night my friend,

  3. Growing up with an emotionally distant father, and a mother that was extremely close with my brother; I felt very alone as a child/teenager. The 2 serious relationships I’ve had in my 55 years, were with emotionally unavailable men. Always losing myself in those relationships and always seeking acceptance and a feeling of worthiness or “feeling special.”
    With the passing of time, introspection + some therapy,
    I can see my own worth.
    We are all worthy and special, never doubt it.

  4. Specialness is conferred on ourselves by ourselves when you realize who you really are. A partner through love shares that specialness with you. I am going on 40 plus years with my fella and we are both special to and for each other

  5. Well, I guess I’m an egomanic because I always thought I was special, and proved to others that I am. Brenda, we’re ALL special, girl!

  6. For me, the harmful phrase was, “You have potential.” You’d think that would be an encouraging phrase. My father said it to me many times, but at some point I finally realized that no matter how hard I worked, he never was going to indicate he thought I finally had accomplished anything. His words left me with the feeling that I was always going to come up short. My first husband was the same way, always pushing me to do something, be something, but always expressing disappointment or disapproval of my efforts or my choice of job or activity. My second husband and I have not accomplished big things by my late father’s standards, but, we do like and appreciate each other for who we are. We know we’ve applied ourselves as best we can. It is so nice to feel accepted.

    1. I can relate, Lynx. My father was like this, too. But even moreso were my grade school teachers. I think every report card said that I wasn’t working up to my potential. Maybe because I was so shy? And bored? But like you said, these words aren’t helpful, only wounding. If a parent or teacher feels a child is not “working up to their potential”, then take action and help that child find what they NEED so that they WANT to work harder.

    2. I can also relate, Lynx, as I had a perfectionistic dad. Also a very abusive man. I figured out that if I wanted less criticism from him, just not quite finish a project when I showed it to him. It is hard to this day for me to finish ANYTHING…cause if you are not quite done yet, how can it be judged? I am still dealing yet, at times, with the issues from my childhood, which I assume is indeed the thing most of us face who came from dysfunctional families or origin. But we too were less than perfect parents, though we tried our best. And so it is.

      I had a dear friend of more than 35 yrs before she passed, who ALWAYS answered the phone when I said who I was, “Well, Precious, how are you?” No one else did that, though I know others loved me. But that was like being wrapped up in a big huge blanket…I doubt she ever knew how much it helped me.

  7. Dear Brenda,
    you have a gift of articulating your experiences and thoughts. That is rare and SPECIAL….So, Brenda, as one of your many readers; we think you are special.
    Have a beautiful weekend and give those fur babies sweet hugs

  8. Many years ago, when I was a young woman I dated a man who worshipped me and put me on a pedestal. He was so handsome and fun. All of this was very heady for me. However, there were red flags. For one, he decided on our first date that I was the one for him and he wanted to marry me. Secondly, he had just been divorced. Thirdly, he began to monopolize my time so that I could not date anyone else. Even though I was still young and foolish, I knew deep inside that this would never work. So, I just enjoyed dating him for several weeks until he became insistent on an exclusive relationship. It was not easy to let him go. He spoiled me and made me feel like a queen. However, I knew that I was doing the right thing. Years later, my mom told me that he came by looking for me. I was already happily married. My husband is the love of my life and the smartest thing I did was to wait for him to come into my life. The man that I let go has been married three times now that I’m aware of. I know that I would have ended up as one of his exes.

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