What I’m Listening To & My Decision

This morning I am listening to Philip Wesley’s “Beyond Cloud Nine.”

It seems to be the perfect music right now, with the gray skies and cold weather. I do think I’m ready for spring to arrive.

Last Book I Read:

I finished the book “Before We Were Yours.” What an atrocity Georgia Tann perpetuated on these children.

Too bad she died of cancer right after this all came out and was not brought to justice. I suppose, in a way, she was brought to justice.

Can you imagine the level of greed and sociopathy it would take to do what she did for years? The lack of conscience and moral compass? Truly astounding.

Though this was a fictionalized account, the horror and desperation came through. Heartbreaking.

Luckily this came to an end in 1950 and I wasn’t born until 1957. My parents would have been easy targets for someone like her.

My Decision About Sage:

I read all your comments, several times in fact. Guess I had a moment of emotion and rash thinking.

I’m such an animal lover. I wish I could live out in the country and bring many of these dogs and cats home with me.

When I read a comment that mentioned Abi, I was in tears. Because I still can’t read her name or think about her without crying. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.

I’ve thought of getting a framed photo of her out of the box I keep them in, but I don’t think I could bear it yet. Even now, nearly three years after I lost her.

Full Time Caretaker & Nurse:

Taking care of Charlie is a full time job. He’s lost some weight so he’s not as heavy to carry up and down from the bed and couch and such. But still, my mind is on him 24/7.

I’ve trained myself to wake up when he does to help him down the doggy steps. I’m constantly watching him to see what he needs.

And of course my heart is breaking a little more each day as he starts to fade. I cannot bear the thought, but it is out of my hands, isn’t it?

Ivy comes rushing to me every time she hears me in the bathroom, day or night. She wants attention, or for me to throw a toy for her to fetch.

Ivy Wants My Attention:

I think maybe that’s why she’s constantly getting her toys underneath furniture and the refrigerator and begging me to get them out.

So maybe it isn’t loneliness so much as her just needing attention. And I suppose she realizes Charlie is ill and that is stressful for her.

Sometimes she will come plop on my lap. And Charlie is usually with me in my chair. But he typically doesn’t snap at her unless she touches him with her paw.

I’ve begged her to sleep in the bed with us, but she won’t for some reason. I call out to her at night hoping she’ll come jump on the bed, but she doesn’t.

Now Is Not The Time:

Though I would love to bring Sage home with me, now is just not the time. But it was nice imagining her frolicking around the apartment and having her here to love.

Thanks for all your insightful comments. When I have a decision before me, especially an emotional one, I rely on all of you to help me see the light. So thank you all.

Also I wrote to my ad network about the pop-up ad appearing over the comments just before I started writing this post.

11 Comments

  1. My heart breaks thinking of you watching Charlie decline. I had to watch my sweet Lily fade away before my eyes, and in the end I waited too long and she suffered, which I never wanted for her. My sweet Lily girl – she was such an angel. I thank God every day for Molly and The Monkey – they bring such life and energy to this house, and Molly is just a sweet little lovebug – she’s constantly giving me kisses!

  2. You have to do what you know in your heart and mind is right. Safe is being taken care of. She’s not in desperate straits so maybe you have enough to do taking care of Charlie and Ivy right now. Let’s not forget that at timeS you need care too. So enough right now is enough. Take care of your little furry family and take care of Brenda too. She deserves a bit of care too.

  3. oh dear heart. my comment is the one that made you cry.
    and I wouldn’t hurt you for the world. I still cry over my own Zeke.
    and I also cannot have pictures of him like people do. just can’t.
    so I understand!
    I only meant that this is little Charlie’s special time with you.
    I will steal a line from Gail L above… she says it best for me too…
    ” I think both Charlie and Ivy have exactly what they need and crave – a mom that
    Loves them so much and takes great care of them! ” bless you Brenda.
    and please forgive me for upsetting you even more than you were. xo

  4. I wholeheartedly agree with your decision. You will know when it’s the right time to get another pet. It’s funny how animals have such distinct personalities. People that don’t have cats or aren’t familiar with them, think that they don’t have much of a personality compared to dogs, but that’s absolutely not true. My Clementine is like Ivy – she wants and needs constant attention. She follows me everywhere. She always wants to be petted and to play. She’s also very active; doesn’t nap much for a 12-year old cat. Monkey, her son, is the opposite. He doesn’t crave as much attention, nor does he follow me around the house. He sleeps a lot more than his mama and he’s only 10.

  5. Life decisions can be so hard no matter when or how many times we make them. Being a grown up is hard. Some days when I am out, I see preteens at 10 and older and think to myself, they have so much living to do but boy I wish I could go back to those days of playing outside, climbing trees, cutting out paper dolls and reading a library book under a tree till dinner time. And you know Brenda, my cat finally at 10 yrs old sleeps in bed next to me. Never did all those years before either.

  6. Brenda, what you are going through is very hard and you are immensely faithful and loving to your sweet babies. Challenging as it is, those of us who have walked this journey know you will always be glad you did your best for these little ones you love so much.
    It is so good Ivy is with you. She brings a bit of lightheartedness
    to you and perhaps even some comfort to both you and sweet Charlie.
    Know many of us are with you, even if it is just online and in spirit.

  7. We have always been a multi-pet household. I cannot imagine my life without my furkids. The love, companionship and joy they bring is immeasurable to me. What I have found is that they are much like human kids. They are each individuals with their own distinct personalities. Just like kids, they want to be recognized for who they are, loved unconditionally and crave one on one time with us for themselves. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are lonely because they want to interact with us. I think both Charlie and Ivy have exactly what they need and crave – a mom that
    Loves them so much and takes great care of them!

  8. I think Ivy is in tune with your feelings. She is trying to distract you. I’m so happy you have her. Charlie’s situation is so sad. Hugs, my friend.

  9. Brenda, I am sure that your heart is big enough for all of the animals that you want. I agree with Judy, I think Ivy is lonely. As for Charlie, he needs your attention, and that is where you should focus it. Have a wonderful day!

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