An Epiphany Of Sorts

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Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts. I woke up and decided I’d really like to get out and about on my own. I’ve wanted to pick up a few houseplants to bring here to the house I call Mamie, since I now have 18 windows to provide light for them.

Lately I’ve mostly stayed home. Of course, there’s so much to do that I want to get done! But also, I haven’t been feeling well physically, and because of that, I’ve become a bit afraid of going out on my own.

When your body is letting you down, and you are letting down your body, you find yourself depending more on loved ones. You stop going out much because your body is leading you to be more afraid and to doubt the vigor you once enjoyed. Because now it’s almost gone.

There’s something so freeing about stepping out on your own and leaving your comfort zone.

I went back and forth, asking myself if I should do this. Because I was having trouble just getting around here, the thought of going out on my own was a little scary. But I decided that wasn’t going to stop me, because independence and activity are pure gold. It is not to be frittered away.

Pain Will Not Defeat Me:

I decided I am not going to let this physical problem defeat me and pull me down. Something that helped me for over 20 years was getting down on the floor on a yoga mat and stretching my body twice a day. It helped with pain and endurance, and gave me strength and confidence.

But I stopped doing these stretching exercises a few years ago because I began having trouble getting back up, given the fragility of my ankle.

I needed the morning and evening to focus on my body. So I got down on the floor and began doing a few stretches for my arms, legs, and feet. It was similar to what I’d done for years. What had really kept me going and moving past the pain.

I let the stretches push and pull my body as I slowly grew more limber. To get back up, I figured out a way to turn around and get up without putting much weight on my ankle. The lithe feeling of my body after I move and stretch is vital to my well-being.

I picked up a breakfast sandwich and an iced coffee and sat in my car to enjoy them before continuing my impromptu outing. It was so wonderful to get out and about on my own.

Another Thing Driving Me:

Yesterday was my two daughters’ father’s birthday. You may remember that he died in March. He would have been 80 yesterday, November 22.

Of course, they were feeling very sad on his birthday. It was a milestone, a first. A pin to put in their grief. Because it was their first time not celebrating with their dad on his birthday.

I am 13 years younger than their dad was. So I got to thinking: I don’t want them feeling like they need to take care of me. I want them to live their lives without having to wonder how I’m doing.

I am going to do whatever I have to do to get stronger, have my independence, and spend time with my daughters and my grandchildren.

Kendra and Kasi went through so much during the time their dad was dying of cancer. It had been a year and a half since they had moved him here to assisted living after his diagnosis. In the months before he died, he was bedridden. They each fed, clothed, and cleaned him.

In the end, they sat with him day after day to comfort him. They watched their father get weaker and then die. Essentially, they were forced to take on a sort of parental role.

Sad as it was, I believe that it created a stronger bond between them. They learned to lean on one another.

As I drove my car yesterday, I thought about the three weeks since I moved here to live in Mamie, and how I love this old house! It brings me such joy.

My girls lost their father, and they will always love and miss him. But their mother is still alive. And I am going to get stronger and live life to the fullest, for them and for me. As their lone parent, I know I owe them that.

Ivy staring at me as I write this post.
Ivy is staring at me as I write this

A Trip To A Nearby Nursery:

I went to a nearby nursery/shop I’d seen recently. It was small inside and really didn’t have what I wanted. So I drove a bit down the road and went into Cohlmia’s. I walked around one side, but then needed a place to sit for a spell.

There were two ladies behind the counter, so I asked them if there might be a place for me to sit down now and again while I was shopping. One of them brought out a chair to me, and I sank into it, grateful for the easing of pain in my ankle.

I found some very nice plants to bring home to Mamie. They should flourish in this light-filled house. They are calathea plants and non-toxic to cats.

In an epiphany of sorts, I decided to get out and go to a nursery on my own.

Feeling a little like the free spirit I used to be, I took care of a few errands while I was out. It felt so freeing to accomplish all this and tend to business. When you have ailments or injuries, you sometimes fear your body will let you down, which often means staying close to home.

That one independent trip around my neighborhood did a lot for my confidence. It was a gift to myself that I sorely needed.

Collagen Supplements:

Another thing I’m trying is something Teri told me about. She began taking collagen supplements after an injury and said she feels much better. So I ordered some for myself.

You put four level tablespoons of this collagen powder in liquid (I used water), then mix and drink it once a day. Teri said she puts hers in her morning coffee.

What she suggested I order is Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides Powder Joint Supplements. So we’ll see if this helps my joints and eases the pain. She says it’s really helped her, and she’s been taking this supplement now for quite some time.

I figured, well, it can’t hurt. And you never know whether it’s just the thing you need. So I’ll keep you updated.

Sometimes, with chronic continuous pain, you feel like giving up. Every day tasks become harder. It takes an emotional as well as a physical toll on you.

But then you sit and watch life happening outside your window, and you want so much to be part of it.

As the saying goes: What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. That is actually an aphorism by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

Resilience is the ability to adjust to or recover readily from illness, adversity, or significant life changes.

I’m going to continue stretching twice a day and taking the daily collagen supplement, and see where life takes me. Thanks, Teri, for suggesting this to me.

Progress: The Room That Leads Out The Back Door

I managed to do away with the rest of the boxes yesterday. Then I cleared off the two tables I will use as desks in the room that leads to the back yard.

It was so nice to clear out the clutter. When I stand in the hall or the living room, I now see an actual room instead of boxes and chaos. This makes me smile in this old house that is now my home.

Progress in the room at the very back of this house.
Paintings layered in my office room.

Progress: The South-Facing Room:

Kendra hung my thrift-store-stained-glass cardinals and a few paintings on Thursday. These little additional touches make a house feel more like a home.

In an epiphany of sorts, I decided to go out and get plants and decorate my new home.

I will show the entire south-facing room’s progress in a few days. Early next week, I think that will be sorted out.

Happy weekend!

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I'm Brenda, creator of Cozy Little House. I live with my cats, Ivy, Simon, and Daisy. I graduated from journalism school with a degree in professional writing and won awards for feature writing. I practice gratitude and enjoy my solitude. My interpretation of life is that the glass is always half-full.

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48 Comments

  1. I am so proud of you! I have MS and don’t go out much without my husband. I love going out alone, though, since he is not a shopper. Like you, I stick to nearby places. Brenda, I really wish you would go to an orthopedic foot and ankle specialist and get a second opinion on your ankle. You have suffered too long. I have ankle problems and see one. Second opinions never hurt. Good luck.

  2. Thank you, for this post, and for making me smile. I hope that you continue to improve every single day and embrace all the joy that really is yours to have!

  3. So glad to see you out and about. I think Mamie has given you a new lease on life. Can’t wait to see her all decorated and cozy. Have fun and enjoy!

  4. I love the picture of Ivy! She has such personality! I’m so happy for you that you were able to stretch and get out for a little adventure. That sounds wonderful… good for the body and soul. Glad you got some plants. I know how happy that makes you too. I’d love to see some pics of all your plants enjoying all the natural sunlight.

    1. I will take pics of the whole house once things get settled a little more.

  5. I’ve always thought you should move more, funny how your physical therapist says the opposite at times.

    1. He knows I tend to do more than I should and then I sometimes gets worse. But who’s to know that?

  6. Penny LaCore says:

    I enjoy reading your blog. You have a beautiful home.

  7. Hooray for you for getting out on your own! I’ll bet that felt good.

    I totally agree that the daily stretching feels so good. I do it (plus yoga movements) just about every day. If I miss a day, I really feel it. If you can’t get down on the ground (or back up), please try chair yoga. There’s free videos/classes on youtube.

    I’ve been taking the Vital Proteins collagen powder for about a year now. The one thing I have really noticed is the rapid growth of my fingernails and my hair not falling out as much. My mom takes it too, and said the same thing about her hair. I hope it helps with your pain.

    Your new home is looking beautiful!

    1. Helpful to know! I’m glad to know someone else taking the supplement.

      1. I’ve been taking collagen supplements for over 5 years now. I injured my knee and then had a knee replacement and I think it’s been very helpful through it all. And my fingernails grow like crazy and very little hair leaving my head! Yeah!

  8. SO HAPPY FOR YOU💗

    1. I’m so happy to be living in this old house with Ivy.

  9. Being more active is a wonderful approach! A rollator might be beneficial for you as you are out and about. It’s like a walker that converts to a seat. A friend used one before knee replacement surgery and it made it possible for her to remain active. Good luck!

    1. I have a rollator I use. It was Steve’s late wife’s.

  10. I loved this happy post. You are making great strides, Brenda! You are happy in your new home, and determined to reclaim the old Brenda…healthier and with freedom. You are determined, and I, for one, am rooting for you all the way! Can’t wait to see the new home interior pictures. Sending love–Jane

    1. I’m just taking photos of small areas now. But you will see the bigger picture very soon.

  11. Ivy’s eyes are the same color as the green in the rug she’s sitting on – very cool! I don’t have any conditions that cause chronic pain, but I do have other health issues. Every morning I tell myself when you stop moving, you start dying; crude, but it works for me! I keep moving, even when I don’t want to vacuum, or go up and down the basement stairs to do laundry, or do yard work (like raking, which I did a 30 minutes round of a little while ago), or walk the mile round trip to/from the supermarket. If nothing else, when I start running low on peanuts for the birds and nuts for the squirrels that’s motivation to get to the store – I feed them better than I feed myself! Now I’m contemplating lugging the Christmas tree (in 3 pieces, the bottom part being the heaviest) up the basement steps, all 11 of them. I should have arms like Popeye’s with all the heavy lifting, raking, mowing, chopping outdoors I do but – alas, I still have batwings. Oh well.

  12. Brenda, thank you for this lovely post, and of course, the picture of beautiful Ivy! Just the other day I remembered how you used to get on the floor and do stretches each morning. I wondered if you were still doing that. I know it made you feel so good just to be able to do them again.

    I’m so glad you’re enjoying your sweet, charming home! ❤️❤️

    1. Figuring out the best way to get up and down was the hard part. But I have it figured out now.

  13. I am so happy for you to be enjoying your life in Mamie! Have a great weekend!

  14. Joan Kurth says:

    Ivy is so cute—her face is marked perfectly!
    So glad you are happy in your new home. We love seeing the pictures you post.
    Happy Thanksgiving!

    1. I feel like I’m almost there with decorating this house. However, as we all know, you’re NEVER really finished! I can’t find so many things. I can’t figure out what happened to them.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Brenda,

    I have autoimmune issues that cause me much pain but have been able to continue my exercises by completing them on my bed. It is so much easier to get up from the bed rather than the floor. Try it and see if it works for you. My Physical Therapist was the one who suggested that I try this to see if it worked and it does. Sometimes I need to move to a opposite corners to achieve some stretching it works. So glad you are trying new things, we are the only ones that can try things to see if it helps. Sometimes it is surprising what it is that makes a big difference. I also have a general practitioner who is an acupuncturist and that has been a life saver for me once a month. Blessing, Cherlyn

    1. I’m so sorry for your pain. I have done the stretching in bed as well.

  16. I know I replied at one time “little by little” but Oh Boy, have you been on the go. You have done so much already, and things are going really good. I just wanted to say, I am so happy for you. Glad you got out and about, and did a little shopping. That can always make the mind and heart feel really good.
    Have a wonderful weekend. Temps today are 37 degrees, chilly outside, so putting on the warm coat when going out. Had a little snow yesterday, but that has melted. I think winter has arrived. Hugs to you and Ivy, from WI.

    1. In a few days it’s going to get really cold. But I stay warm here in Mamie and have never once had to touch the thermostat. Kendra says the house isn’t insulated, so it must be the plaster walls.

  17. Couldn’t you just do your yoga stretches on your bed when your ankle pain is too much? That’s what I do.
    After a bout with cancer when my daughters had to take care of me for a few days after surgery, I realized how much I hated being dependent on someone to take care of me. I had to do that with my mom the last 6 years of her life and I don’t want to burden my kids like that.
    So I do everything I can to stay strong. I go to exercise classes almost every day at the YMCA and on the days I don’t, I do chair exercises I found on YouTube. I also greatly changed my way of eating and try to eat as healthy as I can and take supplements too. I do feel healthier than I have in years.
    I know we can’t control everything about our health and eventually bodies just wear out but I’m doing everything I can do to stay strong, healthy and independent for as long as I can.

    1. That’s what I’ve done in the past. But what feels the best to me is to put a rolled up towel behind me on the yoga mat. Then I lie down on it and work my body up and down it by rolling from side to side. That limbers me up more than anything.

  18. So happy to read this post♥️♥️

    1. And I’m so happy you commented!

  19. It sounds like you’re making great progress, and the change in your attitude is wonderful! Hope you can get the previous apartment tended to while the weather holds.

    1. I left nothing in that apartment and Kendra picked up the outside stuff. Kasi and I vacuumed the day after I moved here. I think Kendra will go hand them my keys in December. I never want to see them again.

      1. I’m so glad to hear that!!

  20. Brenda, I am so happy for you because you sound so happy!

    1. I am happy. I thought about my ex, the girls’ father, a lot yesterday. He was such a great athlete in the day and kept so fit. Somehow I miss him the most of the 3 husbands and he was the first.

  21. Your posts are filled with such beautiful and uplifting words of encouragement and wisdom! I just wanted to say, Thank you!!

    1. And I am so thankful for all of you. You readers are my heroes!

  22. I’ve come to realize, no matter how difficult it is, if you don’t use it, you lose it. Do it anyway. First, it’ll make you feel better if there’s some pain as the gains are overall, better. Second, with a good attitude, it makes one well. I’ve come to realize that no matter how slow it goes, I do it anyway and so be it if I have to rest at a store.

    1. Yes! I realized that again the other day. The more I moved, the better I felt.

  23. Brenda,

    This move has been so good for your soul! I appreciate your efforts to be as independent as you can. Today is my 69th birthday. The past several years I have been focused on caring for elderly family members, a disabled husband, a sister in law with dementia, and grandchildren. Your post reminds me that I need to focus on self care so that I can age gracefully and independently!

    1. I’m a full time caregiver for my husband, tend to my 94 year old mom who’s in an assisted living facility 2 blocks away, and worry myself sick over our 35 year old son who was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago. Bless you for what you do and !always! make sure you take care of yourself!

    2. Yes, we want to age gracefully and independently and with as much happiness as possible.

    3. Happy birthday Cathy! You are a real hero to those you take care of. I’m sure they appreciate you very much!

  24. I am so happy for you. You may have chronic pain but chronic pain DOES NOT have you!

    1. I love that sentiment! I’m going to remember it.

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