Beads On A Necklace

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In my lifetime, I’ve collected stories like beads strung on a necklace. As a writer interviewing crime victims, I listened, gathered their stories, and carried them on.

With each step, the necklace sways to and fro, reminding me of people I met and listened to briefly. The expression on their faces, the inflection of their voice—that, for a time, linked me tangentially to their grief.

During the hours I spent sitting across from a grieving parent, I could not imagine being in their shoes. To have a child walk out the door one tragic day, never to return.

Listening to and imparting their story took a toll; eventually, I couldn’t sustain this role any longer because I had to keep moving forward with that rock in my shoe.

Wherever I Go, I’m Wearing This Invisible Necklace:

Nonetheless, I take these people’s stories with me wherever I go. I can never forget such anguish and despair.

Some sight or sound will remind me of one of them down the road. They will come to life briefly, flickering in my memory like a firefly in the dark, as I remember what they told me and how it affected them. And how it, in turn, affected me.

If possible, I felt a little of what they felt for a short period. Their pain remained raw no matter how many times they described it.

Because, you see, they will most likely never know for sure.

As they looked at me with such monumental sadness, I knew part of my role was to be there because they needed someone to listen. And for whatever reason, it just happened to be me in that time and in that place.

They learned to miss their child quietly because talking about what happened makes others too sad. No matter how resoundingly their heart is broken, unfortunately, the world does not stop to let them grieve their loss.

Risk Factors:

NCMEC (National Center For Missing & Exploited Children) collects information concerning attempted abductions of children by individuals unknown to the child. Based on over ten years of data, NCMEC identified that:

• Attempted abductions occur more often when a child is going to or from school or school-related activities  
• School-age children are at most significant risk on school days before and after school (7-9 a.m. and 3-4 p.m.) and after dinner time (6-7 p.m.)
• Attempted abductions most often occur on the street while children are playing, walking, or riding bikes
• Younger children are more likely to be playing or walking with a parent or an adult, whereas school-age children are more likely to be walking alone or with peers. 
• Attempted abductions of older children are more likely to involve a sexual component.

How Children Have Evaded Abduction:

Some children evaded abduction in a variety of ways, including:

• Ignoring or refusing the abductor
• Using a cell phone to threaten or intervene
• Fighting back
• Screaming and/or making noise
• Another adult or child intervened
• The abductor left the area or voluntarily released the child

Crimes Of Opportunity/Stranger-Child Murder:

The chances of having a child kidnapped by a stranger are about one in a million. These parents are an unfortunate group whose children happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Typically, a stranger (or non-family) abduction is a crime of opportunity. The kidnapper happens upon a child and, for whatever sick and selfish reason decides that day will be their last. The sole purpose is to use, abuse, and then walk away unscathed.

It’s referred to as stranger-child murder, these brutal and seemingly motiveless crimes. And because there is no direct link between the abductor and the child, it’s harder to solve.

I remember a clock ticking in a house where a mother sat across from me and told me how empty that house was without her child. A stranger had kidnapped her twelve-year-old daughter from a crowd of people after a sporting event, and she was never seen alive again.

That daughter would never grow up. Have a wedding. Be a mother.

According to the Child Crime Prevention & Safety Center, every 40 seconds, a child goes missing or is abducted in the United States.

Many times, these abductions take place within three city blocks of the child’s home.

I’ve sat with people who repeat their tormented stories and share what no one with a beating heart should ever have to endure—forever left with their patchwork of emotions and invisible scars.

These Beads On A Necklace:

The beads on a necklace beat a quiet rhythm as I march forward with my life. Each bead pushes up against the other, though it has nothing to do with the one it’s joined to. It represents a timeline.

Seasons change, and time passes. Each person who told me their sad story left something of themselves and their sorrow with me, and I carry their sadness with honor and reverence.

Pain is unique to everyone, and each person holds it differently. Some try to run away from it, and others run toward it.

These people’s stories and their memories, these beads on a necklace, live on in me.

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside, she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity .

– Author Unknown