Your sweet comments bring tears to my eyes.

I guess I’m getting a little depressed being isolated for so long. I love my solitude, but as the days continue to pass I know something is just “missing.”

I take antidepressants and have for years, but I suppose that does not keep depression totally at bay. Maybe that’s why I felt I had nothing to say.

Maybe I was just afraid to say it.

I love communicating with you all.

It’s so much easier to write when you don’t get caught up in dealing with Google and all its directives. Keeping search engine optimization and all that in mind.

I wish I’d never gone down that rabbit hole of what or what not to do. It’s stultifying.

The days are starting to get a little cooler. I have spent virtually the entire summer inside. Not being out in the oppressive heat is nice, but I miss nature. Something beyond looking out my patio door.

We all have our troubles, and I remind myself that I have a good life. I’m thankful for everything I have. Oh, and Ivy of course. Sweet Ivy.

I’ve been crying more easily and thinking about Gracie and the brief time I had to love her.

But then I still love that little blue-eyed white kitten with the orange-ringed tail and the smudges of orange behind her ears. I always will.

Just as I miss Charlie Boy. I still can’t look at a photo of him without breaking down.

I remind myself that with love comes loss.

When you allow your heart to beat against a furry little love, your life is enriched.

But then the pain of losing them is as sharp as a knife.

Just reading the news online makes it seem like the whole world is imploding. There is so much hate out there. So much conflict.

People are caught up in what they think is right or wrong and then they hurt one another needlessly over their beliefs.

I remind myself that I’m so fortunate to have all of you. Because you remind me of that when I start feeling a little down.

How precious that is to me.

When I just write what flows it’s so much easier.

I guess I have more to say than I thought I did.

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54 Comments

  1. Hi Brenda. I just celebrated my 70th birthday yesterday. Yeah, a little blue about that. It is apparent to me how precious communication with my family members are to me. Could you connect with your grandson? A younger view is always refreshing/puzzling/frightening and might strengthen that relationship while giving both you and him an opportunity to release stress. Not a daily communication but perhaps bimonthly? “Hi sweetie, just checking in. What did you think about that Jimmy Kimmel stunt?” Or “What do kids your age think about the Queen?” Or, most importantly,” How are you feeling about…”.

  2. My comments echo most of those here. You have brought us together as a community – YOU! Maybe we physically aren’t close enough to come and pay a visit, but we’re here in this community because we know you, care about you, and most importantly, through your comments, know you care about us, too. We’re always here to listen, and offer a word of advice. Now that the weather is cooling down, it would be wonderful if you could enjoy your outside space and just sit on your pretty patio. Feel the sun, breathe fresh air, watch the birds, and let your lovely neighbors walk by and share some conversation. It’s important both mentally and physically, to get out of your house, before winter sets in.

  3. Loved reading all the comments! Thankful for your blog and its community!! Love how everyone is so helpful,
    Blessings, Vicki

  4. An extract from a letter from Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, July 5, 1814:
    Our machines have now been running for 70 or 80 years, and we must expect that, worn as they are, here a pivot, there a wheel, now a pinion, next a spring, will be giving way: and however we may tinker them up for a while, all will at length surcease motion.

  5. Brenda, I don’t comment often as others seem to say it more eloquently and have given you some valuable suggestions. I am not a new reader having followed you in the “blue house” and apartment for many years. I am sorry that you are experiencing so much difficulty these days. I agree with others that being out in the sun and fresh air would help you, even if it’s for ten or fifteen minutes at a time. Is it feasible to order some meals to be delivered? I seem to remember at your old apartment you had done this at times. As for antidepressants, it seemed that my prescription was no longer effective. My PCP increased the dosage, and although I was at first doubtful, I feel now it has made a difference in my outlook. You have so many friends who love you and care about you. You have become part of all of our lives. And for those of us who knew Abi and Charley and little Gracie we’ll not soon forget them. Hugs from the East Coast!

  6. I am a new reader having come across your blog this year. I have read it every day since. I have enjoyed every one of them. Just a thought from personal experince that getting some/more sunshine could be very mood lifting for you during this time – a short sit on the porch if that is possible, sitting by a sunny window a few hours a week, or even taking a Vit D supplement if it is appropriate for you. On the blog topic, I have seen many IG influencers currently establishing or promoting their web blogs these days – they want to provide readers w more detailed content and also they want to control/own their content. Many are frustrated w the complicated algorithms, requirements and limitations, esp on IG but also on Twitter, FB Pinterest…if one or more were to go away at some point, your content and followers would be lost to you. Brand partnerships also benefit from an established evergreen web blog that will continue to drive traffic to your posts/links even years later. I can only guess but I believe that many brands would love to work with you with your established blog and readership and that could benefit you and your readers too. Thank you for your intelligent and enjoyable posts. But first and always foremost, take good care of you:)

  7. Brenda, so happy to see you posted today. Everyone has said it so well, but just to add my own feelings, I want you to know that there’s something special about your posts that bring us all together. It is truly a community here and we all care about you and your Ivy. I am sorry that you are having a hard time, and hope our expression of affection helps to lift you up. Isolation and loss of your freedom, independence has to be so hard. How can it not affect you? Others far wiser than me have given such good suggestions. I hope that there are some that you can follow up with and feel better.
    Love to you and sweet Ivy.

  8. Brenda, I’ve been meaning to tell you and your followers about a virtual community that offers conversations, games, and educational programs. You can access the classes by computer (with your video on or off) or for those without a computer handy, can dial a number to join the class by phone. They have all kinds of classes on all kinds of topics. Here’s a link where you can download the current catalog. They can email you a schedule that has the class times in your time zone. Humor me and check out the catalog sometime? Here’s a link to it.

    https://covia.org/programs/well-connected/

    Hope that link works! 🤓

  9. Brenda, can your friend Teri, the one who helped you so much in the move, come over and visit and take you out for a drive? also, when GABA levels are low, pain and anxiety will be higher. there are fantastic natural options for GABA support.

  10. Brenda, I could not agree more with the comment above, you have created a community here of like minded women. We care for one another and for you! Between lockdown, all of the chaos in the world, the loss of Gracie, a move, ironic foot and hand pain, now a surgery, and all of the old stuff you had to put up with at your old place it is no wonder you are feeling down. Life is tough and because at this moment you are “forced” to stay home you have lost your mobility and freedom something I do not think you were aware of going into surgery. We are all here to help in any way, even if it is just to read a comment from afar! Take care friend, xo Elizabeth

  11. You’ve been through quite a lot this year, and your feelings are very valid. I think everyone here would agree that we just like hearing from you each day. You have a way of digging deep into topics so eloquently, and you are a gifted writer. I think writing can be therapeutic to work through our feelings. So, please don’t be afraid to share here in your space. The world may be crazy, but you are a comfort to so many who read your blog. Take care.

  12. Well, Brenda, I read all the comments today and there sure are a lot of us out here that love your blog, read it every day, and care a lot about you, myself included. I know how debilitating depression can be; I’ve dealt with it for years. Also, like several have mentioned, sometimes you need a change of prescription, plus new ones are always being developed that may work better for you. Not to minimize the stresses you have been dealing with recently. Pain, immobility, isolation–all of those can cause depression, so I think it’s pretty predictable that you should have periods of feeling really down given the drastic changes and losses over the past year. I just want to say that if you want to take a day off from blogging, I’m fine with that, no matter what the reason. On the other hand, if you check in with us we’ll undoubtedly be able to give you some support and love. Do be good to yourself–you are a good person and we are all pulling for you. Sending love and hugs. Tomorrow is another day, my mom always used to say. A clean slate. Take care.

  13. As you know, I read your blog most every day. I have for many years. I feel like I “know” you. Your posts are like sitting on your patio having coffee with you and chatting about our day and our lives.

    Think about all the changes you’ve had just in the past year. A move, the loss of Gracie, and the loss of your mobility. All three of those are major changes. And now with being cooped up in your apartment all summer ~ even if you don’t like getting out much ~ that’s not good for your mental health either. Human beings need social interaction, fresh air, and sunshine/natural vitamin D. Lack of any of those lead to depression. So, you see…add all these things up and no wonder you feel depressed! Please talk to your dr about tweaking your medication and please, please try to muster up the strength to start getting outside. Start by sitting on your patio, especially in the morning. That’s the most important time to get vitamin D. Then ask one of your daughters or Steve to take you for a drive. You don’t even have to get out of the car if that’s too much trouble. Just get out in the fresh air with the car windows rolled down. Maybe drive to a beautiful park.

    We all care about you, Brenda and want to see you feeling well in every aspect. {{hugs}}

  14. Hello Brenda,
    I just recently discovered you Through Pinecones and Acorns and I am so happy I found you. I look forward to reading your post every day. You are a real and honest blogger and I find comfort in reading about your days. I’m very sorry about your ankle surgery and the slow recovery. I’m looking at a knee replacement and possible back surgery. I don’t get out much except for doctor visits. I too have lost my sweet puppy but I’m not sure I can get another dog. Maybe a kitten would be nice for me, but I’ve not had cats since I was young.
    Thank you for all your soothing, thoughtful posts. Your new friend, Carolyn

  15. Oh, Brenda, I am so glad to read this post and all the comments. Although we have never met, and probably won’t in this lifetime, I feel as if you are a dear friend that I check in on every day. I rarely comment because your other readers are so much more articulate than I am. But I love checking in on everyone here each day. My husband had a horrible accident two years ago, and our lives changed forever. I understand that feelings of isolation, although perfectly normal under the circumstances, can make life difficult. We are all in this together and I am thankful for you and all your readers.

  16. I read your blog every day. It’s part of my daily routine. You always give me food for thought, but for some reason I rarely leave a comment. I just feel that what I think isn’t worthy to say. So let me tell you my favorite stories you’ve shared: Your reporting of the young girl who was murdered. Your words were worthy of a novel. The day you went to court and faced your soon-to-be ex and his future wife. I so identified with your feelings. Your many thoughts about your mother. Your stories of growing up with your grandmother. Oh Brenda, there’s so much to remember. I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Whether or not I post a comment, just know that I’m here every day.

  17. Dear Brenda,
    Your blog is so cozy and comforting to me during these times. Love the beautiful photos, also love your real and honest posts too. You have created this wonderful place that we all really look forward to escaping into. I enjoy all your posts, even the book and tv ones. It’s your blog, and I love seeing your posts! Thanks for all you do.

  18. I feel so sorry for what you’re going through, Brenda. So many good reasons for you to feel low. Couldn’t one of your daughters take you out for a drive once in a while? Just to get out and blow the cobwebs without you having to walk? Or if they’re too busy (from the point of view of my 74 years, young people lead insane lives these days), would there be an organization which supports isolated seniors in Tulsa and provide the odd outing?
    I think the fact that some readers skip your movie and book reviews is actually a compliment. It’s you we’re interested in! Speaking just for myself, my favorite posts are the ones in which you talk about how you’re doing, Ivy’s antics, patio gardening, decorating your lovely, warm home (still just as warm and lovely after your reorganization, and your quilts are stunning.) It’s the simple human contact with a friend, just sharing little daily doings and thoughts, and nothing is too small to be interesting. Maybe many of your other readers feel like me. And now I’m going to go out on a long, thin, creaky limb and say something I’ve been thinking since you underwent surgery for your ankle: trail mix and liquid meals surely can’t help a person heal either fast or properly. Since cooking must be pretty impossible for you right now, why not simply try healthy frozen dinners? There’s such a variety of them, from chicken to shrimp to beans, good even for breakfast! Like your other readers, I’m sure your life will be good again. And a lot of thoughts are with you.

  19. See how very much you are loved… you are like an old
    friend that is always there when you need them…your blog helps me daily as I do not have friends I hang with since retiring…you are a breathe of fresh air…a good listener and sometimes the calm after a storm …hope we are the same for you💕

  20. Brenda, you like to read. I have to wonder… can’t you take your book or device with a kindle book loaded on it outside to get some fresh air and sunshine? Just sit on your patio. You don’t need to work with your plants. We ALL need sunshine and vitamin D that comes from that sunshine. It helps our mindsets and gives us energy. Please consider it – get outside – every day if possible.

  21. So happy to read your post today. (I’m happy to read ALL your posts!) I’m sorry you have a bladder infection, but glad you are getting some medicine for it. Depression is terrible! It robs us of a happy life. I heard that more people are on antidepressants than ever before, since the start of covid. That makes sense, I suppose. It’s totally disrupted and changed our lives forever, and we are all left trying our best to deal with it. Friendships are especially important at this time in all our lives, and I believe all your friends here are appreciative of you and each other. Just do the best you can Brenda, and lean on us if you need to. That’s what friends are for. Take a break, whenever you need one, and know we’ll be here waiting when you return. ❤

  22. Dear, dear Brenda – allow yourself some Grace. It’s been a rough summer for you, and I understand how you’re feeling. You can’t be filled with “joy” every day; it’s just not possible. Cry it out as often as you need. So very cleansing.
    I told you recently that someone came along and upset my “Happy Cart” and I’ve really struggled to get it upright. This whole thing continues to fester in my mind and it’s just not worth it. Overthinking gets me in so much trouble.
    I strongly believe that laughing is also very important (produces serotonin in our brains – oh so good for us). Get laughter in your life – lots of laughter. If you can’t find someone, please feel free to call me. I have a sick sense of humor. LOL
    Enjoy your day and come back throughout the day and read all the sweet comments you’re receiving. You are loved and it’s ok to have some ‘off’ days. Gentle hugs!!!

      1. Still bugging me and quite frankly it’s not worth all the angst it’s causing me. Overthinking gets me every time. Eventually I’ll get it under control.

  23. Like Lisa said we all feel very at home here. It is comforting for you and your readers to exchange and share what is going on in our lives together. I love my quiet life and I get what you are going through with not being able to get out in nature. I would miss puttering around outside too. I hope your meds are delivered quickly and you feel better soon. Take care.

  24. I agree with Lisa B. about possibly tweaking your anti-depressant meds. You can definitely build up a tolerance to them ~
    Hugs ~

  25. Brenda nice post about how you have been feeling. The blogging community is always so wonderful to help us through rough times as well as good times. I know how you feel about your sweet Charlie and Gracie. I still have a hard time missing Buddy. I think of him everyday. With his anxiety he was always with me so every aspect of daily life revolved around him. There is no escaping it. I guess that fact that time has a way of lessening the pain of loss helps. I will never stop missing him. I am just getting to a place that I can think of good memories of him without crying. We all grieve differently so be kind to yourself. Glad you feel good about sharing your feelings here on your blog. That must help tremendously.

  26. Brenda, I’ve missed you and been concerned. When you stop to think about it being isolated all summer is a HUGE thing. And not being able to go to the patio and putter is very depressing when we know how
    active you are. I hope you will speak to the dr about it. Just so glad to see you back today❣️

    1. The pandemic lockdown and surgery have made even a longer time for you to be inside.
      Plumbing problems were added to that. Just take one day at a time.

  27. Glad to see you back at it today. We all need a little time off.
    I was looking at “about Brenda” at the top of your page and saw the picture of you when you were younger. You were so pretty and had so much hair! But now, you are older, still pretty, with much shorter hair. I myself have much shorter hair and love it!
    Staying inside and not being able to get out to do things is a very stressful way to have to live our lives, however, in the world today, it is much safer and you can save more money too.
    Keep on blogging!

  28. Brenda, I also read your blog daily and feel it is a place to check in with “friends”. I am a retired social worker who worked with developmentally disabled adults including those with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am also aging and able to do just a little bit less with each passing year. I feel very at home reading this blog. You are experiencing a series of losses with your precious pets as well as the “loss” of your daily routine and interests. Just a thought, maybe you should check with your doctor about your current antidepressant medication. You probably have built up a tolerance and may need it to be tweaked in order to better manage your depression. You have many friends here and we all want the best for you.

    1. You may be right. It’s happened before. I see my internist next Monday. I’ll talk to her about it. She called in something for a bladder infection this morning.

  29. So glad to see a new post today. Anything you have to say to us is precious and well-loved. I pray you never doubt your importance to us in any way. Your posts are profoundly necessary to us readers who are experiencing similar situations in our own lives. Your post to me is like that first soothing cup of coffee in the morning, and good morning nuzzle from my sweet fur baby Sadie, so necessary for my well-being. Please don’t cut back, anything you say is welcomed and appreciated!

    1. Those in similar situations are my friends. I’ll keep on keeping on. I’ve had something like a bladder infection that has persisted and I just haven’t felt well. My doctor called in something for it this morning and I’m having it delivered.

  30. Never forget you have created a village. You have many words yet to be spoken and heard, whether frivolous or serious always welcomed and many times needed. Aging is not for sissies and none of us are. We are older, maybe not always wiser but we show how to persevere with grace and dignity. If we don’t use it we loose it. We are all unique and hopefully thriving in our differances, there is no one size fits all. Although your tastes and mine are different, you have inspired me to read different books and watch different movies and shows. Because of you I have broadened my horizons. Don’t stop being you, your village needs you and we look forward to your messages whether daily or weekly, whatever you decide is right for you is perfect.
    Lynette

      1. I read your blog every day. Like me I’m sure there are thousands that read but don’t respond with comments even though they admire your strength. I can identify with pet loss having gone through it many times. It never gets any easier. I try to think of all the love I have received from all the animals I have had the pleasure of knowing and not how they ended. Sometimes I can feel them around me. Hope your health issues will be resolved soon.

      1. I don’t remember what your front door and sidewalk look like but check in to getting a ramp that will give you better accessibility. There are many options for ramps on Amazon. A low ramp at your patio door may help you, also. Also, check out all the different types of walkers to see if a different type would be better. My sister had a temporary ramp at her back door, only about six inches high, for about six months after an auto accident left her with a shattered kneecap and rods in her leg.

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