Do you ever think you might have left your heart in a place you once lived? I used to think I left my heart in East Texas among all those pine trees.

I am sitting here digging through my online photos trying to find a certain photo I need to locate.

Country Woman magazine contacted me weeks ago. They want to do a feature on my decoupaged cabinets in the kitchen. 

Stumbling Across Other Photos:

While I was going through those photos, I found others that I want to show you, of a place I truly loved.

Where pine trees are thick and line the roads like soldiers protecting a region from harm.

But they really didn’t protect me. I guess I have to admit that.

The pine trees grow so tall you’d think they scraped the sky. I loved gathering all those pinecones. They were so pretty.

But here I feel safe and don’t jump at every noise.

Have you ever felt that way about a place? A place that just wound its way into your heart somehow?

What Happens With Time:

But then with time, the good parts drained away and the bad parts stuck around like a wad of gum on your shoe.

I adored my neighbors. And the milder weather. You could garden most of the year. 

In fact, I started this blog there, in April of 2009.

I don’t miss some of the awful things that happened there. But awful things happen no matter where you live.

The flowers that I grew there were simply indescribable. Lush and gorgeous beyond belief.

The Gardening Was Fantastic:

I’d never had so much luck with gardening as I did digging in that rich soil. 

I loved the little green lizards that drove Charlie Ross near crazy. Watching them skitter across the ground and up a fence or tree.

I loved driving out into the countryside with my camera. Because I was so at peace during those drives.

Just heading down a country road and stopping to take photos of cows and horses and wildflowers. 

I wish I could have bottled that countryside lined with pine trees and brought it here. Then maybe I could have sprinkled that magic around. 

I do love this little house. But I’d love it a lot more if I could lift it up and take it back there. And settle it among those tall pines.

If I could convince my daughters to go with me, I’d dare them to tell me where the tall pines stopped and the blue skies began.

On The Cusp Of A New Year:

On the cusp of this new year, I think I need to stop trying to make myself believe that it was just a place, among the many places I’ve resided.

Turns out, it was a place where there was good. And then there was bad.

Just a step in the journey of my life. A chapter in a book I thought was closed and already put back on the shelf.

I think I finally have to accept that I somehow left part of my heart there, though I didn’t mean to. In a place where the pinecones carpet the ground. And tiny pines spring up all over the place, thick as thieves.

Chapters Of My Life:

Somehow that chapter in the book of my life isn’t quite finished. But I doubt I’ll ever go back there.

Over time, I realize it was the friends I made there that was the difference. I think about them a lot. Sometimes we talk on the phone.

But really, when push comes to shove, the bad things that happened there tainted everything else. Like a wine stain you can’t get out of a white tablecloth.

Memories That Stay With Me:

Those memories stay with me. Reach skeletal fingers into my dreams and turn them into nightmares. That doesn’t seem to fade away with time.

So to sum it up, I’m glad I don’t have those memories staring me in the face. In the house where they occurred.

I realize if I had stayed there, the bad things that happened would somehow have oozed through the walls of that house I once loved.

Because not much good happened within those walls. I know I’ll never forget any of that.

I guess I’m glad I’m not there anymore.


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  1. That was neat – I'm not far from east Texas and I agree the pine trees are huge – I have one in my front yard and sometimes it scares me. My husband said to me once- home is where you are right now. At the time that made me smile and over time I found it to be true, probably because I've moved a lot. I love Texas because when the sun shines I smile… -Carole

  2. Go where your heart is………or come to FL and make a fresh start, the weather is much like Texas. But, I will be sad for you to leave sweet Judy behind. We blog friends are so funny. We follow and feel your pain and we've never even met….I guess some people just wouldn't understand 😉

  3. Go Brenda! Fast as you can, live any where you can, something is missing I feel it in your blogs, even though you had problems there, you still were happy! I felt it, I don't in the little blue house, you can make any place fabulous, it is in you, I think you will be happier, you thought Oklahoma would settle things but I don't think it has, like every one is saying life is short, what makes me so furious is that you made your home so inviting, it was you, I wished you would have stayed and kicked his butt to the curb!!!

  4. I can so relate. I lived in Texas for about 15 years. Both my kids were born in Houston. I love Texas. I love the attitude, the availability of everything, the beauty, the self-identity that the State has. We moved back to Tennessee to be closer to my family, and I discovered I didn't really care for them. haha I know God put us back here for a reason, or He's used our move anyway. But I long for Texas, and I always say when I win the lottery, I'm going to Nashville and collect my money and head straight for Fredricksburg and buy a house. Everybody says it won't be the same, blah, blah, blah but Texas wasn't why we moved.

  5. I understand completely. I know what it means to love a place so deeply that it never ever lets you go. I have always felt that way about the suburbs of Chicago, where I grew up. Two of my favorite movies are Home Alone and Ferris Buehler. Both were filmed in my old haunts. I miss Lake Michigan and the beach I went to every day in the summer. I miss riding my horse through the endless forest preserves in the fall and hearing the sound of crisp leaves under his hooves. But it is possible to love more than one place and I have. I loved NYC. It felt like home to me the minute I arrived and I met one of the dearest closest friends there. But then I fell in love with Bahrain too. The mystique of the Middle East and the thousands of years of history right beneath my feet. The contrast of ancient buildings and and Concorde that used to fly overhead. I loved Virginia too. It's Blue Ridge mountains. It's picture perfect countryside. Idaho too and it's mountain majesty. But now here I am back in Texas and it now feels like home. My parents lived in Tyler for a time. I know what you mean about those East Texas piney woods. If your heart is there then we must find a way for you to return. I believe if you did it would welcome you back with open arms and the sadness of the past there would be a distant memory. Let's make it happen for you!

    Big Texas Hugs,
    Susan and Bentley

  6. You have explained your longing so well that I think, for the first time, I understand the song "I Left My Heart in San Francisco". I haven't found my place yet. I think the closest I have come is San Antonio, where I lived for a year and a half. I loved that place but I still don't think it is "the" place.

  7. Brenda, I read your post tonight. We recently moved from Georgia. It was a long and eventful move. We lived there for 20 years. We tried to make Georgia home. But, it was never home. When we decided to move this year, we chose Texas. We had lived in Texas when we were newly married 46 years ago. When we began looking to move, we looked at West, South, and East Texas. We chose East Texas. The reason was we loved trees and we loved those of the piney woods. We loved the land so we bought a small house with acreage. We come from those who came before us who were farmers. We wanted a simple life. And we wanted a place where people reached out and helped their neighbor.
    I think your longing about moving back is deeper than you realize. It is about who you are. You love animals, nature, and flowers. I can see it in your photography. You love old things, quilts, and purposing things out of other things. I can see it in your decorating. You have heart. You are real. I can read it and feel it in your writing. You live simply. But, most of all, you love and want peace.
    Brenda, what you left is what we have found. I understand what you are missing. What you left will be no more. But, it can be better than it was before. Follow your heart and let God guide you and lead you where He wants you to be. We did and we will never to the same. We will be better.
    Take care,

  8. All of the comments have been good.
    It is time for you to go back for a visit. Just to see if it is still your home, and if it holds your heart the way it did. Sometimes, memories are bigger then life…even with pictures.

    It is time for you to write a book…or at the least submit articles for a magazines. It would be wonderful if you could become a writer in residence for a year.

  9. Brenda – I am in the same situation.I left my hometown , married, had three children, now in their '50's. I long for my hometown down on the Lake, but we are famous all over the country for being the snow capital of New York State.
    Here's a thought if you are able to do it – Take a trip back to your town, and stay a week or so. See if you have the same feelings that you used to living there. Hometown's are always great when we are young. Just check out everything and see if you feel the same way. Pretend, if you have to, then come back here. See how you feel then – give it some time and thought.
    My Mom did the same thing when My Dad died at age 52. She went back, even went to the college for Grad. classes, but found herself very lonesome for her grandchildren and her contacts back here. She gave it plenty of thought, and decided she needed to be with her family in another town. Your circumstances are different, but a week with give you a good idea where you might really feel at home. You have nothing to loose – I do wish you well and hopefully content. Best wishes……….

  10. I believe that life is too short to live where you aren't really happy. If you are able to move, then by all means consider it. But, if it were me, I'd go back for a little visit to see if the feelings for E. Texas are still there, and make sure the urge to move is not just borne out of a desire to just get away from a less than perfect situation and the memories of happier days are what is calling you to move. Sometimes the memories are so much better than the reality ever was. Do you have good friends like Judy who still live in the area you would want to move to? That is a big factor to consider. Here's wishing you the very best decision for you and the pups! And, congratulations on the feature with Country Woman!

  11. I love re-visiting East Texas through your pictures. And I can understand how you feel about no longer being there. I've heard many people who have moved a lot in their adult lives, they say things like, "Oh, we were happiest in _____." It seems there was just something that clicked in that place for them. For me it was my childhood home in the country, 30 miles from where I've spent my adult life. Until I was 45 I could still visit there anytime I wanted as my parents still lived there. When they moved in with us, we sold the place. Ever since they passed away, I long to return to that place. But then I realize that place is no longer the same – they are not there.

    When my family moved to this house 4 years ago, I grieved long and hard for our old house, our old neighborhood where we loved and were loved. This new neighborhood was (and still is sometimes) very unfriendly. I drove back to our old neighborhood and visited those old friends about twice a year, but the last few times I went it had changed and I no longer want to be there. The older people had died, the younger people had upsized elsewhere. Was it Thomas Wolf who said you can never go home again? In so many ways that is true. Do you think it would help if you drove back to East Texas (with Judy???) for an overnight?

    Hope you find the pic you were looking for, excited that another mag is interested in y-o-u, it does seem that lots of exciting things are happening for you and your blog in Tulsa. Perhaps there is a big ray of sunshine in Tulsa, too, just a different ray?

    Love you bunches, Mary

  12. Dear Brenda,
    My Husband and I have been married for forty-three years, and in that period we have moved twenty-seven times. I am not out going person and it takes time for me to warm up to new people, so it wasn't long before I sought out the advise of a pastor, it made all the difference…He told me that God has a reason for every move, that even though I might not know it, may never know it, I would make a difference, in someone's life. It was as simple as that…Go where He leads me and Bloom where I landed.
    Each time we moved, I'd walk into the local church, senior center, community center, and asked…How can I help? Your local schools always seemed to need teacher-helpers, I was once visiting friends, when a woman came running up to me and hugged me stating that her son, who had struggled with his grades was now a doctor because I had taken an interest in him. I remember him as a little boy bursting with energy, he just needed to learn how to channel it.
    My point is, dear Brenda, once you step out to help others, your life will become full…Bloom where you're planted!

  13. Do you think you might move back someday? It sure does sound like the place you should be. I understand too. I have relatives in East Texas and it's beautiful and magical to me too. I love it there!

  14. I'm crying. It's my story, about moving, that you tell. Six years. The same number of years I lived in the only place that ever felt like home.
    Finances drove me to a place I totally
    dislike because what it has to offer is
    nothing that I want or enjoy. Hideous
    heat. No grass, just gravel in place
    of a lawn if you can imagine! My
    word to you is this. If East Texas is
    truly the place you love and it's not
    just neighbors or your old garden or
    the good parts of your old life that
    you are looking for then go. If you
    can live day to day without
    assistance, if you could tolerate
    undesirable neighbors, if finances
    will prevent you from establishing a
    garden or living in the desirable area
    you like, if East Texas, alone, is
    enough for you, then go. If your
    dreams are based in reality, make
    your move. I am financially stuck
    where I am ,at present, but this is
    what I do to keep it real: I cut out
    pictures of what I like and can afford
    in the area which I wish to move.
    not luxurious homes, impossible
    gardens or things of beauty beyond
    my reach, just the things I could actually afford. Then I put them in a
    book. And when I feel hopeless, helpless, I get out the book and ask myself if this is what I really
    want or am I better where I am. It
    really makes you stop and think. It's
    a visual list. Refuse to read any
    "scenarios" into your pictures, just look at the bare bones lifestyle. I know I need to move.
    You and your blue house are like a
    relationship where both parties are
    really wonderful and they try so hard to make "it" work but it doesnt because something is always missing. It took me a long time to
    realize you can have what others perceive as everything , a home, a job, a car but if it's not what YOU want then there is no hope for happiness.
    We cannot change the past but we might be able to shape our future if we are lucky.

  15. HI Brenda,

    I completely understand the confusion within your heart. I just got home from 8 days in Indianapolis with my kids and granddaughters. It was soo hard to leave them. Its been 3 1/2 years since Jeff died suddenly. I am still in the limbo state. Where should I live? Ft Wayne… or move to Indy? I don't really like INDY!! Its a very very large city! Ft Wayne seems small ( 300000) after 8 days in the traffic in INDY! My philosophy has been " if you don't know what you want to do…. don't do anything. Moving is a lot of work and I got a couple quotes of close to $5000.00 to move 2 hrs!! OUCH!!! There is a lot of thought that must go into your move. Start a notebook…. look for a place to live …. check the finances very closely. I've learned to double the cost on any project! LOL!! Think with your head, and not your heart. After gathering all the hard facts…if you feel comfortable with everything you have before you…. GO FOR IT BRENDA!!!!! After Jeff died so suddenly at 56, I KNOW first hand how quickly life can be over. I, along with everyone here,want you to feel peace, and contentment Brenda. If you truly feel you would feel better emotionally in East Texas then start packing!


  16. I know it would be very hard and quite stressful to move again, but perhaps it would be worth it in the long run? Could you rent a little house in east Texas?

  17. I understand how you feel Brenda, home is where the heart is and your's is in East Texas. I know you had a rough start when moving to the little blue house, it's been one thing after another. The bad neighbor, the problems with your daughter and of course your fall. I had some bad experiences when I first moved to Alabama, my dear sweet dog died a month after moving here and that devastated me. It put in motion feelings of such loss that I associated with the new home and I'm still trying to get my head right from that. Then my dear sweet father in law passed and bam it knocked me over again. I am grateful that one of my daughters moved here too so that made things better. I don't know what the answer is for you dear Brenda, but you will find your East Texas again, maybe not in Texas but somewhere there will be that place that you feel is home for you once more. I agree with the other posters that you need to write a book, several books as a matter of fact. Take our word for it, you can make money doing that and then you can live where ever your heart leads you!

  18. Brenda…I agree eith all the ladies but moving isceasier said than done. You need a plan. Have you ever thought about submitting sone of your writing to some magazines?

    I am on bedrest after doing something to my back. I will try to come back with a decent comment later


  19. Oh Brenda! I have a place like that, too. My heart longs for a place in eastern NC , but my brain tells me to stay close to my grandchildren. My husband says we can do whichever I want and I stay torn! I hope you realize your dream, soon.

  20. Oh Brenda, I so understand! My husband and I lived in Houston, then Dallas for a little over 10 years and I was so ready to get back to my East Texas home of Palestine! We have those winding piney roads all over the place! And even though sometimes I long for a visit to a city, Tyler is our closest, I am ready to get back to my little town in just a few hours. I hope you are able to make it back to your spot in East Texas, and if it's near me, I would love to meet you and have a coffee! Blessings to you!

  21. Your time in the little blue house has had its tough moments, but it's been a time in which you've been able to really examine your life and decipher what's best for you. A move does seem to be in your future. It seems like your broken ankle has been painfully symbolic of what you've been experiencing in life — you came to Oklahoma in a somewhat broken state, and you had to lean on your daughter as landlord while you recovered emotionally and physically and could stand on your own two feet. Now, you are stronger and ready to run and jump. Maybe this is the first time you've really been on your own, without a husband or other family member to lean on. It seems like you are ready to make this move toward independence. It could be all the way to East Texas, or maybe it will be to a different rental property in the same neighborhood. Maybe you and Judy can plan a trip to East Texas in the coming months so that you can determine if that really is where you need to be. Here's hoping for a positive turn of events for you in the coming year!

  22. Brenda,
    I live in the piney woods of the east Texas you so aptly described. Yes, the people out here are the most, kind and caring people you will find. I came to east Texas from 15 miles north of Oklahoma City then to north Dallas and settled here to care for my daughter during her terminal illness. I can honestly say east Texas is my home. If you ever want to visit, bring Judy and dogs and come on down. I have two empty bedrooms (I keep my husband working in Dallas during the week – makes for a good marriage) and would be thrilled to have you. Just a hop, skip and jump down the Indian Nation Turnpike!!

  23. Maybe East Texas is the missing piece. I loved your home there with the quilts hanging on the wall and those beautiful gardens. It was almost perfect for you. I also love where you are but I understand it not feeling like home. Emotionally and physically that cute little blue house pulls you down. If you moved back to E. Texas I don't think it would be the same. If you could just go for a visit and see things like they are now. I do think some move is in the future for you.
    We have lived here in the same house for 26 years. We moved from an adorable teeny tiny town just 45 minutes away. You would love that place as well. My heart was there for a long time. I could actually still move back but not with the grandchildren living here.
    I do think that you are giving so much thought to where and what to do. You deserve to be happy . Maybe Judy could fit in your suitcase. (((((HUgS)))))

  24. I read your post 3 times. I also read all the comments and agree with those who said, Life is toooooo short not to love where you Live~! Good and Bad, Positive and Negative will occur regardless of where we are so knowing that is reality, why not be where your heart is happy…

    so on that note– tell us what we can do to help you get there?? I mean seriously , what can we all do.
    I think where 3 or more gather with one desire/need we are heard and are able to Manifest our own reality.. The Universe does hear the desire of our Heart..
    write me and we can discuss this further..


  25. I have lived in New York over 40 years and now in the Midwest. People in my travels ask why do I live here in Omaha. Work, got a job and able to raise a family and afford it. I do go back to NY and you know what, it isn't the same any more. I have lots of photos and memories, I lived near the ocean and mountains. My best friend in the world is there and I could never find another one here.

  26. Hey, Brenda. It sounds as if the universe is trying to tell you to get back to E. Texas to me. If you haven't forgotten it or grown to love Tulsa in a similar way by now maybe you need to listen to your heart and come back.

  27. Brenda,

    If anyone can relate to your thoughts and feelings of uprooting yourself once again, I surely can. You know my reasons for the 'debate on my plate', nevertheless, the calling is loud and strong and it hurts that I can't answer it at this particular moment. But, you have other things to consider, different from mine, almost opposite, I would say, and if the voice inside of you doesn't quiet or subside, well after these holidays, then I would attend to it, but rationally, and with great consideration, towards all matters involved, and then state your case, clearly, logically, and realistically, without abandoning the dream, and then listen for a rebuttal, because there will be one. There always is.

    I'm here, amid the olive trees, if you need me.


  28. Brenda, you have no real ties to Tulsa. Meeting Judy is the only lasting good thing that you have there. If you could find a small, affordable home in the area of Texas that you love, I'd say go for it. Only, what would you do without Judy and what would she do without you. I think Judy needs you now as much as you need her..
    Do you think that Charlie and Abi could stand another three hour drive back "home" ? I remember all of the blogs that you wrote about packing up, moving and how were Charlie and Abi going to do on that long ride.
    The way you describe East Texas makes it sound like a wonderful place to live.. I'm wondering how your next door neighbors, there, are doing. I remember your beautiful garden home, gazebo, and outdoor living space.. That would make me want to move back too. But could you, would you, be able to have anything close to that if you moved back ?
    I'm going through a "thing" right now myself. So I know how you feel. I hope you can "work out" your hopes and dreams and someday be in "your happy place".. Give yourself time to get over the Christmas "blahs". Maybe that will help.
    I think it's wonderful that another magazine is interested in your home. The more exposure you get will mean more good things for you. Just keep on, keeping on my friend. You never know who's watching.
    Know that I'm thinking about you.
    Hugs, Charlotte in Virginia

  29. I agree, that if there is no reason for you to stay where you are ( apart from Judy!), then you should move back to the place you love. Maybe you needed to leave in order to realize just how much this place means to you. And maybe you could go back to visit for a few days first, just to be sure that this is where you want to be.


  30. I agree, that if there is no reason for you to stay where you are ( apart from Judy!), then you should move back to the place you love. Maybe you needed to leave in order to realize just how much this place means to you. And maybe you could go back to visit for a few days first, just to be sure that this is where you want to be.


  31. I so remember all your pine tree pictures. It doesnt seem like 2 years. Nor 1 year where I relocated. My heart doesnt yearn for the place I was born and raised nor here where I thought I was starting the new last chapter of my life. I honestly think my heart yearns for the only man I ever loved who made me feel loved, safe, and who took care of me. A love I cant mend back ever. Im lost in a world now where no one cares nor even my children. I live in physical daily and want to live in bed. There is no life for me out of my bed none in it in pain. I just dont know Brenda. We are alike our lives are so alike. But I am comforted by the fact that Im not alone. Im riding on your coat tails.

  32. Oh I don't think you've given yourself enough time. The older we get the longer it takes our roots to grow & the harder it is to transplant.

    I made some major moves in my life 10 yrs ago & I think I grieved for the old life for a good 6 yrs at least. (Still do at times though thankfully it's rare) During that grieving time I was talking to a dear friend from the old life. I told her how much I missed what I had then & though I was trying, I couldn't seem to find anything close to it where I am now.

    She very wisely told me that even if I could go back, even if I'd stayed, what I'd had then, was not just a certain place, but a certain time of my life. I can't make time go back. She encouraged me that I would eventually find a different good in my new life…develop strong ties with new friends, that it just takes time.

    It's funny that you should post this today. I just had this conversation with my husband about this very thing. I realized that yes, I have found good things here in this new place. Plus, I've kept some good things from the old while letting go of the bad – as much as I've been able to so far. It's a constant growing, reaching out, giving of yourself to others, looking for ways to help & encourage others even when you don't feel like it… all of these things help loosen the soil in our hearts to help us grow roots in a new place. I also believe it has a lot to do with faith, faith in God, faith in others as well & grace, giving ourselves the grace we need to grieve & change for the better. It's ok to feel all of the bad through the grief because it really doesn't last forever if you reach out & choose to see joy in the bad..because it is there.

    Here's a verse that really has helped me with this. Hebrews 3:13 'encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.' So really, reaching out & encouraging others is more to soften your own heart so it can heal than it is to help someone else who may need it. And that's ok.

  33. I'm in East Texas, too! I gotta tell you, I've never been too terribly far from home, and I'm not sure I could ever go. If you ever do decide to move back, we'll welcome you with open arms, and we'd love for you to kidnap Judy. Bring her with you! We'd all have so much fun!

  34. Hi Brenda… just catching up… I'm still in East Texas. Born and raised here. Lived off a few years when I was first married – couldn't wait to get away from home and then I couldn't wait to get back. Lord willing, I'll never leave here again. I think I second what everyone else has said. You are free to do whatever you want. If you need to come "home", then the door is always open! May the Lord bless you in your decisions for your future…

  35. Brenda, I could have written this. I was born and raised in East Texas but haven't lived there in 21 years and I tell you the truth, it is like no other place on earth. It gets in your blood and your spirit is never quite satisfied with any place else. I now call Tulsa my home but my roots are in East Texas. I have learned to be content, maybe not satisfied, but content in Oklahoma. I have been richly blessed since being here. I do hope you are eventually able to be content, if not satisfied, where you are now. Love your blog.

  36. I think, sometimes, things seem better when looked at in retrospect. I lived for 6 years on an army base about 15 minutes from my current home. When I go there it is as if time stands still and I am transported back to my childhood. I know however that nothing is perfect, and I am remembering it as a whole and not the individual parts that made up that time. If I found myself back there tomorrow, I would long for today. Know what I mean?

  37. Brenda, I understand that feeling. I lived on Whidbey Island for several years in my late teens and then two more in Seattle proper. I can't explain it, but I loved the country. It keeps calling me back, but there's no move in my future. Maybe when life isn't panning out to be what we had hoped it would be it works that pull on us. We think of happier times in a gentler land. I too remember the wonderful pictures of your drives and I always loved them. I'd have to say my favorite sound is the wind rustling in the's just magical. Congratulations on Country Women! That is some exciting stuff!

  38. I have only lived in GA as far as my memory is concerned. So, I can only imagine how it must feel to up and move somewhere else. I guess you are feeling like a fish out of water. Maybe you can take a trip back there someday if you can't move back there. It would be fun if you and Judy could go together.

  39. I agree…go back to East Texas! We moved to Arizona, from Wyoming, in 2012. Five months later, we knew it was a big mistake, but we kept trying. Christmas Day 2012 my husband said to me he was ready to go home. On February 1, we did move back home. Life's too short to stay somewhere you aren't happy!!

  40. If you are not happy where you are – go back to East Texas, dear Brenda. You are as free as a bird! Use your wings and fly! I completely agree with Bonnie: life is too short. We are here only once on this beautiful planet.Find out what really is good for you and take actions! You can do it!!!!

  41. If there is any way, go where your heart says is home. Life is too short to fill with longing that we think is gone if it is truly not gone. Some things and places are for a season. Maybe you needed this season and to go back "home." I've lived in the same town for 53 years and my children have been away for 13. I long to be where they are. Home is no longer home. I pray to retire one day where they are. Blessings my friend, blessings, as you seek out what is right and where is right.

    Heart-felt blog that makes me feel what you are feelings. Thanks for your honest expression.


  42. I certainly understand why you feel this way. For I remember when you lived in the tall piney woods of East Texas. Your gorgeous gardens, kind neighbors, the winding country roads, a horse peeking over a fence…

    I left a piece of my heart in a place I lived 17 years ago. Such warm, wonderful memories that I will treasure always…

  43. You hit home for me. Tomorrow is 3 years ago we moved to Utah. I lived in California for 53 years I knew we needed a change but we jumped into this move without thinking it through or researching. The biggest and costly mistake of our lives. We don't fit in and frankly they let us know we don't fit in. Our goal now is to move back to CA but not the same area.

  44. Maybe we all have a place like that, I know I have. I lived there for six years and I can say they were the best and the worste years of my life. It was the place that held (still holds) my heart and it was the place where my marriage fell apart. I hold all the good memories very close and I have let the bad ones go. I count myself blessed that I have those precious memories in my lifes experiences, they have carried me through some of the harder times and I am happy to be lucky enough to have them. So maybe that will help you to not feel so down, you are too blessed with some precious memories.

  45. Brenda,
    You have a gift for writing. Please use it as a tool to dig yourself out of any depression, any disappointment, any despondency that you feel. Circumstances have taken you to a place not necessarily of your choosing and not particularly an easy road to travel, but you can bless us all if you would sit down and write that story of the women's cooperative/commune into a novel. I know that story is in you! Please spend these cold, winter days to formulate that imaginary place into one we can all share! Write! Write, please write!

  46. I lived in the same piney woods from age 4 until I married and moved away at 22. My parents still live there and we visit often. I live in Oklahoma now but have always been and always will be a Texan at heart. I know just what you mean about those pine trees. It is the accents, especially women, talk with that call my heart. I can pick out an East Texas accent from a crowd.
    Sounds like you may be moving back? Not me, as Jan Karon says, we are dug in like turnips here. We will just go back for visits but I do love and am always in awe of those tall tall pines.

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