I See The Moon
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Last night, I went out with Charlie around 9:30, and the first thing I happened to see was the moon. Various layers of grayish-beige clouds moved quickly across it, at times completely covering the moon.
I would wait, and within a few seconds, the clouds would move on, and I would be able to see the moon again.
It was so lovely that I was transfixed. I’ve never seen clouds moving so quickly in the sky.
I don’t know anything about astronomy, but it was quite a sight, and I almost didn’t want to go back in. I’d rather sit down in a chair and watch this happen repeatedly, like I watch nature and never tire of seeing any part of it.
“I see the moon and the moon sees me.“
Notions About My Mother:
When I was younger, I wondered if my mother might be looking up at the moon and wondering about me.
My mother was not what I’d call a normal-acting person. Of course, having only met her a couple of times, it would probably behoove me not to characterize her due to the brevity of our relationship.
Something was wrong with her. That much was clear to me immediately. She was not like other mothers or adults. There was a clear and defining deficit readily apparent upon being in her presence for more than a couple of minutes.
I’ve wondered if she had a more debilitating form of autism. Her mother was just like her, if not worse. Maybe it dilutes down in the gene pool as it flows through the bloodline.
They weren’t capable of caring about their children any more than they cared about a stranger walking down the street. It just wasn’t there. Something got crossed in the wiring and couldn’t be connected.
When I was young and stared at the moon, I saw a romanticized version of my mother. Or rather, the woman who just happened to give birth to me.
“I see the moon and the moon sees me.“
My Mother Was Different:
I know now that she probably never stood in the darkness staring up at the sky, wondering about any of her six children.
She was more akin to birds, rabbits, or squirrels. They bring their young into the world and then scatter across the earth. There is no real relationship beyond that.
I look at the moon now and see a wondrous sight. One that plays out across the sky every night, whether I’m out there to witness it or not.
I no longer have romanticized versions of people dancing through my head. They have all faded away, like dreams do, with time.
Now this is what I think as I stare up at the darkened sky:
“I see the moon and the moon sees me.“
Meredith Willson’s Poem & Theme:
The following is the most used version of Meredith Willson’s poem “I See The Moon And The Moon Sees Me.”
Over the mountain, over the sea,
Back where my heart is longing to be,
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love.
I see the moon; the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree.
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love.
I hear the lark; the lark hears me,
Singing a song with a melody.
Please let the lark that sings for me
Sing for the one I love.
I kiss a rose; the rose kisses me,
Fragrant as only a rose can be.
Please let the Rose that comforts me
Comfort the one I love.
The poem’s theme is the love and care a parent has for their child. The rhyme is a lullaby that can help a child sleep. The meaning is that if the moonlight shines on them, the parent wants it to shine for their child. If the lark sings for them, they want it to sing for their child.
A favorite memory from childhood is driving home late on a Saturday night after my family had been to visit some relatives who lived in a tiny community about 12 or 15 miles from our home. I would feel safe and snug in the car as I looked out the window at the moon. However, I was confused because at times the moon seemed to be on one side of the car, and then it would be on the other side of the car. It took awhile for me to understand that as the car went around some big curves in the road it meant I was looking out the window at a different compass direction for a bit — the car was heading southwest, but would briefly switch to northwest during the curve and then back to southwest again. I didn’t speak up and say anything about my confusion for fear my older brother would tease me for not understanding something. I’m glad I finally figured it out on my own, even though it took awhile!
Funny…I was watching the moon and the fast-moving clouds last night for a long time, too. I was absolutely mesmerized. Though I was watching through my screen/glass door because it was too cold last night to be standing outside. Unless I wanted to bundle up, which I didn’t. But anyway, it’s cool to know that you were watching, too.
Brenda, that you have grown into such an articulate, caring soul despite what was handed you speaks volumes. I’m glad to have come to know you as a blog friend.
I love the moon, have always considered it a friend up their in the sky, ever present. When I was a child, my parents were an unhappy marriage. I’d look up at the moon and the tall oaks around our home and considered them friends standing guard over our house. Sounds silly, but it was a comfort.
Brenda, you should write a book. Your words are wonderful, they pull you in…even though your topic is sad, you never want them to stop…
Beautiful piece Brenda. What happened after your great grandma died? Did you continue to live with your child like grandmother? Did you sort of raise yourself from then on? I can’t imagine the challenges you faced.
I was looking at the moon last night too. I was thinking about all the mothers around the world taking care of their children under the same moon. We are all truly linked by our humanity. Praying for the Kurdish mothers as they try to keep their children, their families alive. All my troubles seem so trivial in comparison.
I looked up at the moon the other night and wondered if my husband was looking at me from above. Beautiful post, Brenda, and sad, too.
How fortunate that you have been able to love your children…maybe too much trauma changed the DNA for your mom and her mom? I am amazed in recent years to read how that actually happens!!
Your insights are really profound, Brenda…it allows you to understand your family situation. I admire you for that…there are often reasons for things that we never fully understand…
What a lovely thought, to look up at the moon and think about loved ones far away looking at the same moon!
Your words are so beautiful Brenda. I look up at the moon all the time and it’s amazing the past couple nights. I like to think of all the people I know probably looking at the same bright moon as me and it gives me comfort we are all linked together. Even if you didn’t have a loving mother, you have a loving heart in you caring for pets as they age and reaching out to get a rambunctious cat to brighten your day. It takes a special person in my book to love animals as much as we do and care for their needs as they are very dependent on humans to provide for them. Some of my friends don’t possess that gene I have found out through life so I am grateful it’s in me cause their life seems empty and I try to understand why they feel that way when they talk about various subjects. They listen to me like I am weird to want to get back home for my pets but it’s just who I am like it’s who they are.
Brilliant
I think that, despite considerable life challenges, you’ve blossomed into a beautiful, generous, compassionate woman on your own strength. If we lived close by, I’d seek your friendship, but I would eventually understand your contentment with solidarity and respect that, admiring you from a distance – the way I do now!
Brenda,
If you only knew how your words move people.
Lovely.
Thank you for writing this blog.
I love the Hunter’s Moon! Its so magical to see! Its so breath taking that it doesn’t seem real!
Brenda,
I thought your Grandma raised you? Was that not your mom’s mom?
I wish I could have seen that moon.
Sounds lovely! Have a great day.
It was my great-grandmother who raised me till she died when I was 13. The same person raised my mother. My grandmother lived with my great-grandmother because she was like a child.
This Moon is called the Hunter’s Moon, an ancient Anglo-Saxon name for the moon during October. https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/moon/hunters.html I haven’t been able to see it here due to extensive cloud cover. That happened last month with the orange harvest moon, too. Drat!
The moon was so beautiful last night up here in MN also. In fact, I think the moon has been noticeably brighter lately.
Have you continued to have a relationship with your newly found sister?
Unfortunately no. I think she looks at every relationship as someone who will potentially leave or hurt her. It is her way of coping and I understand that. She has been through a lot. A few months ago she sent a barrage of complaints to me that pretty much settled that she didn’t want further family contact. I respect her wishes. I may not understand them, but I respect them.
Lovely conclusion.
I love that poem. I see the moon and the moon sees me. God loves the moon and God loves me. I was also out about midnight walking my dog and watching the moon. It was absolutely beautiful. It looked like you could almost touch it. Happiness is the small things. Here I was fussing about our dog having to go out and ended up having the best time. God works in strange and wonderful ways.