I’m getting stronger every day. And as I recall the surgeon telling me: “Give it a year.”
It will be a year the end of this month.
There have been times when I wanted to give up. And I might have if not for Ivy.
There have been times that I got my hopes up only to have them dashed hours later.
Times when I would feel jubilant over being able to do something. And then the pain would hit and the inflammation would take over.
At first I got around on the knee scooter. And I remained on it for about 8-9 months. But then my left leg begin to show signs that it was wearing out and needed help.
So then I went to the walker/rollator as my walking aid.
It wasn’t easy at first. But I learned how to balance myself while steering it. And I felt like I had a little bit of a normal life again.
There have been ups and downs. Times I’ve sat here in pain trying to cry quietly so as not to upset Ivy, who reacts to my emotional state.
Forgetting & Leaving The Walker Behind:
After a few more months, I would sometimes find myself in a room and look around for my walker. And then I’d realize that I’d walked into that room and left the walker behind.
First I’d feel fear: Oh no, how will I get back to the walker?
But then I realized my body had gotten there on its own. My brain had not pointed to the walker. And that was progress!
Slowly I learned to get back to the room where I’d left the walker.
One of the hardest things was to regain balance after going so long without normal walking.
And my walking is far from normal. I walk awkwardly. Stiffly. I’m trying to protect both my ankle and my back, which has been an ongoing problem.
I can sit in the kitchen on the seat of my rollator/walker and scramble eggs, as I did yesterday. I couldn’t have stood during the time the eggs were cooking.
Standing Is More Difficult Than Walking:
Standing seems to be the hardest, followed by walking.
When I stand, as I’ve tried to explain to Greg, there is a feeling that something is pressing down on my head and scrunching me down. Some sort of moving machine that I can’t stop.
Pressure begins to build on my ankle. And the longer I stand up, the more the pressure builds until it feels like my ankle up to my knee will explode.
I fear going out by myself because I can’t lift the walker into my vehicle. It’s too heavy.
So driving somewhere and leaving it behind is a bit scary. But I still wear my walking boot when I go out. That gives me a sense of having a backup.
Since I drive with the right/damaged ankle, the pain will start to hit about a mile from here. And then I have to depend on my left foot to help me brake. Even with the walking boot on.
Yes, I know it isn’t an optimal situation, but it is what it is. At least I have some autonomy.
Driving:
I never go far. Maybe about 2 miles from home. There are lots of places I can drive to within 2 miles.
And most of the time I can drive thru and not have to get out of my car. I can call ahead and have what I need brought out to where I’m parked.
The farthest I have gone is to Southwood nursery and my bank. Southwood is not far from my bank. And my bank is close to 3 miles away from here.
I won’t say it’s easy to get through a day in a normal fashion. But lately I’ve been able to take out my own trash, which is about 100 feet.
Wow, how many people get excited about being able to take their trash to the dumpster?
I’ll tell you who. Someone who hasn’t been able to walk that distance in a very long time.
Walking back to my apartment is not as easy as walking to the dumpster. But I manage.
It’s been a long year. And the year or so before that was pretty hard too.
The Walking Boot:
I’ve been wearing the walking boot for over 2 years. And off and on for 12 years when I first injured it.
Wearing a walking boot wreaks havoc on your body over time. My left hip has a constant pain/catch in it.
But I’m here, still healing. Still sometimes overdoing it. And still dealing with pain that eventually goes away.
This expensive chair has saved me from having too much pain. Thank goodness I will have it paid off in two months. It cost $4000.
If you’d told me a year ago that I’d pay $4000 for a chair, I’d have laughed.
Watching $500 extra dollars disappear from my bank account each month when ad revenue went down instead of up was scary. Revenue is inching back up.
But the chair eases the pain when I recline my ankle above my heart.
The Landscaping:
I used a bit of savings for the yard landscaping. But having it makes my life easier.
It also gives me something pretty to gaze at and take photos of. And watching all the pretty things grow and bloom is extra special.
It was less than two months ago when I said I probably wouldn’t be able to garden at all this year.
And look at my yard now. Between me and the landscaper, I think we did a pretty good job.
It doesn’t matter to me that I drive a duct taped car that is 17 years old.
And I don’t care about fancy clothing.
I buy my clothing at Amazon, Walmart, and Hanes.
Hanes has wonderful soft T-shirts and shorts. Good old comfy clothing.
I buy from them directly to be certain of the cotton count. Shirts are usually less than $10 and shorts are about $12.
My yard is more important. It is my world really. I’ve never cared to travel. I just like being home.
And luckily happiness and contentment have no definitive price tag.
Brenda, I’m just so happy for you! You’ve come so far in this last year. You have much to be proud of. Keep up there good work.
You’ve made so much progress after a really difficult surgery. So good to hear your accomplishments. And yes, just getting to take out the trash when you’ve not been able to do so can give you a big boost. Only those who’ve been there will realize how neat that is.
We are mostly as you are, Brenda…or at least my Hubby is…he too can walk better than stand…it has been like that for at least 11 yrs ago when he was given CIPRO for a minor infection. But we compare how he is now (after having covid and the wretched hospital experience) to now…and he is better!! At at our ages, we are grateful for better…and at least we have HOPE that MAYBE with more time, it will improve. Sure hope the pain lessens for you. The laser treatments we have had, are worth their weight in gold as the saying goes. NOTHING else has taken away the pain like that. It is not cheap. But then we only have this small amount of time to live this life, so we appreciate anything that helps us have less pain. Hope things continue to improve for you too!!
You may benefit from a Chiropractor. I was never a believer until it felt like I couldn’t hold myself up. I have several bulging discs one of which is encroaching on a nerve that is deadening my leg. So I went. I am a new person. He works the entire back from the neck down. With your boot, it’s no doubt put your back out of whack. Years ago I laughed at them, but this one is a whole body chiropractor. I’ve never felt better.
I’ve seen them on and off over the years, so I agree with you. Some were good, some not so good. I was seeing one just before I had surgery.
Yeah, I would touch a “crack and go” Dr. LOL. Only a whole body who requires x-rays and wants to know your medical history.
My orthopedic surgeon also told me that my ankle wouldn’t be 100% for one year. Three months later, I’m slowly graduating from my wheelchair to a walker. I looked into those knee scooters because I knew you used one, but I just didn’t think I could balance on one. And I understand how pain affects you after some exertion. I’m so happy when I can walk to the bathroom with my walker, but later in the evening, my ankle throbs like the dickens. I’d slow down, but my therapists keep pushing me. I’m so glad you’re “rounding the bend”!
Use ice and heat. That’s what I do. And Tylenol Arthritis. Physical therapists approach things differently. Greg does not push me because the nerves will flare from my ankle up to my knee. He says it is better for me to go slow because this injury is 12 years old and the last surgery for me. Nothing more they can do.
I am a relative newcomer, having found your blog close to the time of your surgery. I have seen how hard it has been, physically and emotionally, but I have always seen you as a strong and determined woman who has accepted the challenge of healing and adapting your life along the way. Your beautiful garden is a testament to both your strength and creativity. Just sitting outside in the garden is refreshing to our body and soul. I am so glad you now have this lovely garden!
Your comment about not being able to stand very long made me think that certain exercises, esp ones for balance and strength, might help at this stage – maybe Greg could recommend a few. Or maybe your ankle just needs a bit more time as our body uniquely heals at its own pace whether we like it or not! Keep moving forward with your progress one day at a time!
We haven’t been able to introduce strengthening exercises because I can’t stand on that foot long enough to do them.
You must be thrilled to beable to say those words out loud…hopefully you continue to heal so you can enjoy the little world you have made there💕
I am enjoying looking at the flowers and herbs and plants. And being inside my cozy home. Life is good.
So glad you are on your way to recovery Brenda. I don’t mind hearing about your ups and downs, I feel for you when you are down and rejoice when you are feeling better.
Your garden is just lovely, I can see that you want to get it just right, my garden is not so neat as I let every tree and shrub grow to its full potential, I am filling the beds beneath full of bee and bird liking plants as well as sewing a lot of wild seeds. Some have come up from last years sewing and they are just glorious, bright yellows and lovely pinks. I like my house to be neat and tidy but if the garden is loved by the wildlife I am happy.
I would love to have the shrub (I think there’s only one now) grow and not be shaped. But the landscape guys do that and there’s nothing I can do about it. I definitely prefer the natural look.
You’re to be commended for not giving up, even though you wanted to. I’ve read your blog for more than 12 years. You’re like a dear friend now. I can relate to you better than so many others, sometimes even my own family. Hugs to you!
Aw, how sweet of you! Thanks for going along on my journey, friend!
Love goes through thick and thin. I rarely comment but I check in often to see how your doing, Your new garden area looks lovely and I admire your spunk and intestinal fortitude when getting projects done even if you don’t feel great.
Always know I think of you fondly.
Sonny
I think of you fondly as well, Sonny. Hope you’re doing okay.
As the others have said you have come so far this past year. Healing doesn’t come easy as we age, dang it. And i think the frustration also
comes on top of Covid. I am so happy grocery stores have continued the pick up
option. I haven’t set foot ins grocery store in a long time. Enjoy your yard as it is lovely.
Speaking of Covid, I guess since I was here so much I never did catch it. Both my daughters had it though. I will continue to have things delivered no matter how I feel. I don’t really like the idea of going into grocery stores again. I’m spoiled now!
The thing I appreciate about growing older is that life experiences have made me tougher and more resilient, not things I regularly thought about (if at all) when I was younger. Rather than wasting my time trying to climb a mountain, I first try to find a way around it or tunnel through it! Sometimes, I can’t climb the mountain and I can’t find a way around it or through it. Then I think up a Plan B or C or D. That may be true for a lot of your regular readers, Brenda, and you show us how you’re doing it every day. “Bob and Brad” videos on Youtube have helped me a lot. I especially like the relatively easy exercises they demonstrate that help maintain balance, flexibility and relative physical strength. Still working on trying to lessen my “bat wings,” though.
When I was younger I would continue to batter myself trying to get through the mountain instead of being creative and going around it! But I’ve learned with age, and I’m grateful for that!
Wow. This is wonderful that you have shared your story. I have just begun a year-long (or more) recovery from gluten intolerance and broken bones from a horse accident. I went down pretty far, being almost bed-ridden with pain and fatigue. (Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). It’s taken me MANY years (25+) to find the underlying problem and to finally commit to this year. I’m one month in and still feel pretty awful, but hopeful. Your story especially has given me new determination and hope. Thank you!!!!!!
Well hang in there. That’s about all you can do. Let your body heal. It will tell you what it needs if you just listen to it. And obviously I didn’t always do that!
Brenda, you’re an inspiration to anyone looking for a model on how to beat adversity. Step by step, you’ve improved your living condition, conquered a challenging garden set up, and made yet another ordinary set of rooms a warm, inviting place to live. And you’ve welcomed a sweet rescued pet in to share it all. As slowly and frustratingly as healing is coming, I know you’ll see that day, too!
One of the good things to have come out of the pandemic is store and restaurant pick up service. Probably meant to meet a temporary need, but businesses realize how much it’s appreciated by busy customers! And for myself, I’ve come to appreciate time at home, using things I already own, completing projects long ago abandoned instead of idly cruising stores, buying things I don’t need out of boredom. I so identify with you when you say home with Ivy is your preferred place to be!
During the pandemic I began cleaning closets, cabinets, and drawers. It was fun. When I had back surgery twenty years ago I learned to like being home.
In the middle of this month I will sell my home and move to an apartment after more down sizing. It took two days to sell my house. I rescued by first puppy who is eleven now. Having him here with me has been comforting. Brenda’s blog is my favorite.
Oh how exciting! You’re going to be moving around your furniture to see what seems to be the coziest arrangement. I always liked first moving in somewhere and doing that. Let us know about it, okay?
My favorite store to actually shop at was Tuesday Morning. And they’ve closed their stores now. I don’t have any desire to go into any other stores.
Your life this past year has definitely been a journey. The variety of emotions you’ve experienced have been overwhelming at times. You are obviously a very strong woman. Celebrate who you are, Brenda. As they say – you’ve come a long way, Baby!
I personally celebrate you and tried to provide support and encouragement via the written word.
Enjoy your Fri-YAY!
It wasn’t always a fun journey or an easy one. But I’m glad to have come full circle one year and now be doing as well as I am.