Is A Sociopath Sleeping In Your Bed?
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(Updated & revised on December 13, 2025)
Is a sociopath sleeping in your bed? Even if they are, you probably don’t know it because sociopaths look just like everyone else.
There’s no warning when you meet one of these chilling individuals. They can at first be charming and attentive. They’ll win your trust. Then they will become manipulative and controlling.
Sociopath/Person With Anti-Social Personality Disorder:
The word “sociopath” is actually an outdated and informal term for antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).
Sociopathy, a non-diagnostic term, is not synonymous with “psychopathy,” though the overlap leads to frequent confusion. Both are personality disorders.
Sociopathy refers to patterns of antisocial behaviors such as manipulation, deceit, aggression, and a lack of empathy for others. By contrast, psychopaths will believe that their actions are justified and feel no remorse for the harm they may cause to others.
Personality is the way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. An individual’s personality is influenced by experiences, environment, and inherited characteristics. A person’s personality typically stays the same over time.
So what are personality disorders?
Personality Disorders:
A personality disorder is a mental health condition where people have a lifelong pattern of seeing themselves and reacting to others in ways that cause problems.
The DSM-5 identifies three main clusters of personality disorders:
- Cluster A: A person with this type behaves in a way that others consider unusual or eccentric. There are three cluster A disorders: paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal personality disorders.
- Cluster B: A person with this type has difficulties regulating their emotions and behavior. Others may consider their behavior dramatic, emotional, or erratic. There are four cluster B disorders: antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders.
- Cluster C: A person with this type behaves in anxious or avoidant ways. There are three cluster C disorders: avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders.
“Cluster B” Personality Disorders Include:
- antisocial personality disorder (often called sociopathy)
- borderline personality disorder
- histrionic personality disorder
- narcissistic personality disorder
Both psychopathy and sociopathy are characterized by a pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others.
A psychopath is a person who has an antisocial personality disorder characterized by a lack of regard for the rights and feelings of others.
They display controlled and manipulative behavior, the absence of shame, and an inability to form emotional relationships.
Signs You May Be Sharing Your Bed With A Sociopath:
This person’s behavior is often moody and erratic.
Similar to the behavior of a narcissist, they tend to be very charming. Chameleons really. They’re clever.
They manage to figure out precisely what you want and need. Then they will seduce you and exploit your vulnerabilities.
A sociopath will lie. Their entire history could be a lie. If you approach them about a lie, they will become hostile and aggressive.
If they feel they are losing control of you, their worst tendencies surface. They will make you feel like you’re wrong and they’re right and will go to any lengths to prove it.
They’re irresponsible and take risks. They con others and take pleasure in it. A sociopath has little regard for the law and no remorse in breaking it.
Symptoms Of Antisocial Personality Disorder:
- Ignoring right and wrong.
- Telling lies to take advantage of others.
- Not being sensitive to or respectful of others.
- Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or pleasure.
- Having a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated.
- Having problems with the law, including criminal behavior.
- Being hostile, aggressive, violent, or threatening to others.
- Feeling no guilt about harming others.
- Doing dangerous things with no regard for the safety of oneself or others.
- Being irresponsible and failing to fulfill work or financial responsibilities.
Adults with antisocial personality disorder (also called sociopathy) usually show symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of 15. Symptoms of conduct disorder include serious, ongoing behavior problems, such as:
- Aggression toward people and animals
- Destruction of property
- Lying and dishonesty
- Theft
- Serious violation of rules
Individuals with these disorders usually have difficulty regulating their emotions and maintaining relationships. Their behavior may come across as dramatic, erratic, or extremely emotional.
They may have a key to your home. The goal is to have a key to your heart. That’s when things become dangerous because your emotions can blind you.
Can A Doctor Diagnose Sociopaths Or Psychopaths?
A key factor in diagnosis is how the person relates to others. Antisocial personality disorder is diagnosed after a rigorous and detailed psychological assessment.
Antisocial personality disorder usually isn’t diagnosed before age 18. But some symptoms may occur in childhood or the early teen years. A person will usually have a history of conduct disorder before the age of 15.
For a diagnosis, other illnesses need to be ruled out first. Then, daily behavior is scrutinized. Questions will be asked about a person’s feelings, thoughts, behavior, and personal relationships. If possible, family members are interviewed.
Other issues may be prevalent, such as depression, difficulty dealing with stress, and substance abuse.
Criteria Of Behavior For Diagnosing A Sociopath:
For a diagnosis to be made, at least three of the following criteria of behavior must apply:
- Breaks the law
- Is deceitful
- Impulsive
- Irritable and aggressive
- Reckless disregard for others
- Consistently irresponsible
- Lack of remorse.
This is a repeated behavior in their daily lives. Consistent and pervasive behavior.
Antisocial personality disorder is one of the most challenging types of personality disorders to treat.
Evidence suggests that their behavior can improve over time with therapy, even if core characteristics such as a lack of empathy or remorse persist.
Long-term studies show that symptoms of antisocial personality disorder typically lessen as individuals age.
There are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat antisocial personality disorder. Health care providers may prescribe medicines for conditions that sometimes occur along with antisocial personality disorder, such as anxiety or depression, or for symptoms of aggression.
Are Sociopaths Born Or Made?
The reasons behind the disorder are not fully understood.
Scientists are not sure what causes ASPD, but it seems that both nature and nurture are involved—sociopathy results from an interruption in personality development by abuse or trauma in childhood.
According to research, psychopathy has a stronger genetic association. Scientists think that parts of the brain involved in emotions don’t fully develop. The current belief is that psychopathy generally comes from genetic factors, such as parts of the brain not developing fully.
Although sociopathy can also be inherited, abuse and trauma in childhood are more common causes.
People with an antisocial or alcoholic parent are at increased risk. More men than women are affected. Men are 3 to 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with ASPD.
George Partridge, an American psychologist, came up with the term “sociopathy.” Partridge said that individuals considered to be sociopaths engage in behaviors that are threatening to society.
Why This Subject Came To Mind:
I started thinking about this subject due to the number of emails I receive from women about their divorce or impending divorce.
Some of the stories are horrific.
It’s not that they were being beaten to within an inch of their lives. Those scars would heal.
When love is said easily by the lips but not felt by the heart, that is a sociopath’s only capacity to love.
It is the psychological torture, the gaslighting, that is so disturbing.
I was once married to a man who told me he had narcissistic personality disorder, and I believed him because he was a psychiatrist. He was always right, and I was wrong.
He went to great lengths to “acquire” me. His attitude was “I want what I don’t have, and once I have it, I don’t want it.” The grass was always greener on the other side.
Although he is now dead, he still rents a space in my head, and it speaks to me from time to time. I don’t think I’ll ever quite get rid of that.
What Is Gaslighting:
The personality of a gaslighter often involves a need to control others. They feel superior and have little regard for others and their feelings. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder often use gaslighting tactics.
“Sociopaths are more complicated psychopaths. The difference between a sociopath and a psychopath is a sociopath is incredibly charming. There are a lot of sociopaths that are CEOs. They don’t necessarily kill people, but they’re able to walk into a big social function and make everybody think they’re the kindest, coolest, smartest, most interesting person in the room.” – Patrick Heusinger
- I never said that. You’re making things up again.
- Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.
- It’s all in your head.
I read stories about women whose husbands have cleaned them out financially behind their backs. Husbands who never let them see the tax returns, but demand they sign on the dotted line.
He told you he’d take care of it, and you were not to worry.
You’re probably thinking: Why on earth would a woman sign on the dotted line without knowing what she was signing?
By that question, I must assume that you have not been in a toxic relationship of this nature before.
When a man says this, you should immediately worry.
They Have No Conscience, Therefore No Guilt:
It’s not like they (men or women) go around with a sign looped around their neck that says: Warning: I am a sociopath.
You know what they say to do when someone is pointing a gun at you? Stay calm. Keep your wits about you.
The sociopath’s gun is his/her lack of remorse. So whatever you do, don’t be foolish and poke the bear.
The bizarre manipulation and confounding lengths these individuals will go to are scary. Sociopaths know how to push the right psychological buttons to gain control in a relationship.
Once they feel that you’re compliant, they’ll try to undermine your emotional stability to keep you under their thumb.
The disorder is more common in males. The prevalence of ASPD increases in people aged 24 to 44 and decreases in people aged 45 to 64. In the United States, the prevalence of antisocial personality disorder in the general population is estimated to be between 1% and 4%.
And one of them may be sleeping in your bed. Ask yourself if it is possible. Are you often baffled by his behavior? Shocked even?
Please realize that you can never cure them, no matter how much you love them. So don’t go on a crusade to fix them. It won’t work. He may say he loves you, and it might sound sincere. But the words are empty.
Unmasking The Sociopath:
If you are sleeping with a sociopath and just had a flash of what your future could be, you’re probably looking for a way out.
Good for you. Because it will only get worse.
It’s like fighting someone with one hand tied behind your back. You have a conscience and, therefore, limits to your behavior. They do not.
It is only when you attempt to unmask the sociopath that you see what’s underneath.
That’s all well and good, you may be thinking. But how do you disentangle yourself from such a person?
If you feel that the person you have a relationship with is a sociopath, slowly work to disengage yourself from them.
Leaving a Sociopath – 5 Break Up Musts
- Accept the reality that they will never change
- As soon as the door shuts, have your door locks re-keyed.
- Have no contact with them once you’re safe
- If you’ve become isolated, reconnect with people who love you
10 Signs Of A Sociopath:
(Again, this applies to females as well as males)
- They are charming
- Uses guilt to manipulate you
- Lies
- Lack of empathy
- Impulsive behavior
- Controlling
- Knows right from wrong but doesn’t care
- Tries to make you doubt yourself
- Total disrespect for others
- Angers easily
You May Always Wonder Why:
When all is said and done, you may be left wondering why the charismatic person you married or were in a relationship with changed.
What you must remember is that they did not change. They just put on a different mask when you weren’t looking.
There are sociopaths among us. That is a fact.
The person standing behind you in the grocery store, at the Starbucks counter, could be a sociopath.
They could be your child, your brother, or your friend.
I have looked into the eyes of a sociopath. And I lived to tell the tale.
You might also like to read: A Book About Sociopaths by Martha Stout.
This sounds like my mother. Extremely difficult to figure out when it’s all you know,
Thank you for being a guiding force for women who are in this situation. I am a widow but would help anyone who needed me. I can not share the pain of their lives but
can see this in others lives. God bless you and each of the women who can get help from your blog.
Another thing — why did I stay eight years when things were bad in the first three months? For one, and probably biggest reason of all, I was kind of conditioned to put up with crap. I grew up being bullied and manipulated by my parents. I didn’t like being mistreated but I got to the point of believing the negative things they and my ex said about me. Also I’d had a previous boyfriend break up with me and I wanted to be wanted. And we’d made plans for the farm and I had believed in us as a couple and in those hopes and dreams for the farm. But it was like he had a second set of plans in a drawer I hadn’t known about. I kept hoping he’d go back to the plans he made with me. But the plans he made with me weren’t real, they were a mask like Brenda write about. It took a long time for me to catch on. I hope my comments can help someone look at their situation and dig deep to find the truth and know it’s ok to realize you made a mistake marrying the person and it’s ok to want to get out of there and have some relief. It’s even ok if you bumble around like I did and make bad decisions when you finally do leave. You don’t have to be perfect at it but you do deserve to be safe.
We all make excuses for them. Of course we don’t want to break up the marriage. We do all we can to keep it intact. Until we can’t do it anymore. People think you should immediately leave. But it just isn’t that easy. You are already entwined with them. It’s hard to untangle yourself emotionally and financially no matter how long you’ve been together. It’s hard to let go of a dream, even if you eventually learn it was one-sided.
One other thing — I referred to our farm, but it was his farm, he bought it before we were married, and he never saw any need for my name to be on the deed. That meant he made lots of decisions about the place and never asked my opinion, and he didn’t want me making any changes, even cosmetic changes, to “his” house. More sociopathic behavior, I’d say!
Based on this post my first husband was a sociopath. Ive thought of him as a narcissist but maybe he is a sociopath too. The heading to this post immediately made me think of this experience with my ex- husband: He worked outdoors for his career and on our farm and at some point in the marriage he quit taking showers at the end of a long day. He literally had twigs and dust in his hair sometimes from working in the woods, and when he got up in the morning there would be little bits of leaves and a smudge of dirt on the pillow. When I told him it didn’t seem good for him, me or the laundry for him to go to bed so dirty he, of course, made it about me. He said I was as too picky, not understanding about the work he did, people took too many baths and no longer accepted good, honest sweat, and so on. Now he did this work before we married and always showered, and he had showered for the first few years of marriage, so this change was not about me being too picky. It was one of dozens of things he did, some right after the wedding, some coming later, to put more distance between us. I mean, our sex life definitely stalled out when he came to bed looking and smelling like Sasquatch. So yes, I think I had a sociopath in my bed!
You’re among many. One in 25 is a high number. Everyone probably knows someone who is a sociopath and just don’t know it. From what I have been reading, unless you’re married to one, they hide pretty well in business, etc. They know how to put on that mask when they need to.
I think there are many women out there who suffer in the same situation you describe. They won’t comment because to comment is to acknowledge the problem and to acknowledge the problem is to be faced with the awful question of “what am I going to do about it”. When one is managing just to keep oneself functional , the thought of taking on further emotional, economic and social burden seems impossible. The knowledge that one dealing with someone who will use any means, legal or illegal, to “win” and will not stop even after the situation has progressed far beyond the bounds of common logic simply reinforces the feeling of hopelessness and fear or that the repercussions will be too great to survive.
It seems unconscionable that social services and the law does not offer a defined pathway for these victims to follow.
I remember calling a women’s hotline once. She said to me: “Well, what is it you think I can do?” Or something to that effect. I never called again. I didn’t know what to do and needed guidance.
Keep these posts coming. You have NO idea how helpful they are…to me…right now.
I will! I didn’t want anyone to think that Christmas has slipped my mind. But to me this is SO much more important than holiday decor. Please email me if you’d like.
They are controlling and even seven years later my ex reaches out on my birthday or just to try and reel me back in. Not that he wants me, he just can’t stand to lose. So grateful to have escaped with my sanity. Married 33 years.
Exactly what a sociopath does. Even if they don’t really want you, they have ulterior motives. They will do anything in order not to lose. I’m so glad you escaped with your sanity. Many do not. I write these posts, rather than the merry Christmas posts many are writing now, because I know there are so many women out there for which Christmas will just be another day to fear and to get through.
Such an interesting post. I hope this gives even just one woman the strength to leave and know she can come out in the other side.
I think it is sometimes easier for women when they see that they are far from alone. I hope it gives them the strength they need.
What a powerful post you wrote today. I think my first husband was borderline sociopath. But I was born with a strong backbone and was determined to remove myself from a man who was so controlling. Luckily he was only ‘borderline’ and I received half the savings and half the profit on the house sale so I was good. But in the almost 30 years since we have been divorced I have only talked to him a handful of times, even though we share 2 children. I wish your readers who are in such bad marriages could see a way out. It is heartbreaking that women are put in so much jeopardy and have all their freedom taken away, living constantly in fear. So glad that you were able to walk away with your self esteem and sense of worth still in place. Maybe you can publish the information about shelters and help for victims of abuse, physical and mental. I believe you have done that before. I hope that your post helps just one person find peace.
Great idea! I shall look up resources for women in these circumstances and put it her on this blog. I also feel terrible for these women who have lived their lives in limbo, just waiting to be alone in order to really live. It is awful.
How alarming about how many sociopaths there are out there right now. I also just heard the statistics on how many serial killers are lurking out there. These numbers are alarming. You just want to shut the door and lock and it never come out!!!!!
Kris
I know. I don’t go out at night. You can’t see monsters in the dark.
This is so true. I have lived in a marriage like this for 51 years. He threatened me and our children if I even thought about leaving. I knew from the look in his eyes that he would do it. He made sure that if I had a friend he would sleep with her making it so that I had no friends, no family because he moved us five hundred miles away from my family. He spent what extra money we had on whatever he wanted , not what we needed . My children are gone now and will not visit him and he still thinks he was a great father . He was not home to do anything with them. I kept my children and I alive but that is it. I’m just waiting until he is no longer warm then I will be able to have a life. Loving Jesus is the only thing that got me through
I’m so sorry. Especially that you have to wait until he is no longer around to really live your life.