Yesterday I stood on the back step of the patio. The sky was like a placid body of water. A smooth gray velvet surface that made me want to touch its softness. Last night it erupted into a rain shower.
I don’t find rain dreary. It is like moody music you keep playing over and over again just to hear the soft chords deliver a familiar song.
Growth Of Self:
Sometimes I feel that I plunged on ahead before I could grow into a certain place in time. Missing a step somewhere along the way.
I think in some ways I’m stuck there. And over the many years of my life, the path, the growth of self, feels like it abruptly ended for me in that one place.
That there was no bridge to get me to the other side.
When I was young I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Threw everything out there, my anger a cloud of confetti raining down, spilling over everyone within reach.
No one was there to catch me if I fell. And I fell many times before I became an adult and managed to put a stone in the broken sidewalk so I could safely step over it.
Still, that step I missed is like walking down rickety stairs to a dark basement. That scary moment when your foot can’t find sure ground.
And so you stand there, one foot dangling in the air, afraid to move forward. Fearing there will be nothing solid to catch you.
And now the rain has turned to snow, I see as I gaze out the French doors.
Change always happens without your consent. There is no pause to let you catch your breath. Time moves on and takes you with it.
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard