Yesterday I spoke with Liz. She has found out more information about her husband.

First, she told me that she went to pick up her mail and found a notice where he had tried to wire money to a woman in South America.

Something went wrong with the wire transfer apparently, and it didn’t go through. So I guess they sent it back to their address.

She doesn’t plan to show him this. But I’m sure the woman in South America will let him know pronto when she doesn’t get her money.

Silverware in vases

Follow The Money Trail:

Now Liz has the woman’s full name. She texted her husband and asked who she is. He will not respond.

He’s been texting her a lot while he’s been away, and now he abruptly stops when this woman’s name is mentioned.

Second, she just learned that he also took out a loan and put her name on it. Isn’t that against the law? Could he have merely forged her signature? She doesn’t even know yet how much the loan is for.

The facts are coming at her quickly.

 A Divorce Is Imminent:

She is adamant now about getting a divorce. But she can stay where she is for now and not pay rent.

Next thing is to get a nurse’s license in the state where they now live. Then she will be employed and no longer dependent upon him.


It is very hard to come to grips with the knowledge that the person you loved and trusted for so many years has betrayed you. But you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

I would advise taking care of the legal stuff first in order to protect herself and then mourn the loss of the marriage later.

I Found An Obituary:

Now I have found two obits for my ex.

It’s a bit strange. There were only three sentences. They both were very generic and did not mention that he was a doctor.

white dishes in blue cupboard

They didn’t refer to him by his first name, but by his second name, which he sometimes used professionally.

It just said he died in his home and mentioned where he went to high school. However, it did not mention college or medical school.

It seems to me that is not much to say about a life. No achievements were mentioned. And no family was mentioned.

And no mention of a funeral. Doesn’t that seem a bit odd?

UPDATE: I just found a more detailed obit about his funeral.

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  1. Brenda, listen to your gut. I have a fractured hip and severe arthritis with bone on bone complications. On Sept. 25 I had sudden onset excruciating hip pain. Doctor one diagnosed complications of a steroid shot for hip bursitis, Dr. two said I had a little back problem. Dr. three said sciatica. Dr. four said inflammation was the problem. Dr. five scheduled a surgical steroid shot. Dr. six finally came up with the correct diagnosis. Doctor number six referred me to a surgeon who does not have any appointments until Jan. I went to my arthritis doctor (number seven) and he referred me to a doctor whose first appointment was the end of Feb. The arthritis doctor intervened and I was able to see doctor number eight the next week. Doctor eight did not have any surgical openings until April so he referred me to doctor nine. Dr. nine can’t do surgery until the second week of Feb. but won’t schedule me until I get medical and dental clearance. It is Christmas and the New Year so everything is at a snail’s pace. I did not like or dislike doctor nine. He is ok. He did refuse pain pills until he finally examined me and realized how much pain I am in. He told me he would not give me many pills nor would he give me another script. The big thing is doctor one had x-rays, doctors two through six had x-rays and an MRI! Thank goodness I kept going. The lesson is keep listening to your gut feeling.

  2. What does “catfished” mean?

    I just think that Liz should get a different phone and number, change her address with whatever companies or organizations she deals with and definitely NOT contact her devious husband for any reason. Do not go to that house even to get the mail. And inform her lawyer of the total situation, especially the bank account he put her name on. She should also, put a freeze on her bank and credit accounts. These financial aspects MUST be dealt with “yesterday” or she may find herself in big trouble money and credit-wise. She may be in shock and not thinking clearly in regard to her own safety and well-being. I’d guess she needs someone who can keep her on track. It all must be so overwhelming she can’t focus on what she needs to do, but time is of the essence here. Brenda, maybe you can emphasize this to her.

    Regarding the obituary for your ex-husband I would assume that it is just the basic death notice published by the newspaper until the family supplies a more complete one. If a longer one doesn’t appear in the paper or papers you would expect to see it in after a few days then that would certainly be strange. But not knowing the family, it’s hard to say what it would mean.

    I’m sorry that there are complications surrounding you seeing the neurosurgeon you were referred to with his leaving the current practice, etc. I wonder if your regular doctor could refer you to someone else so you wouldn’t be under such a time crunch. I do think it would be helpful to confer with one or the other neurosurgeons because that may help you clarify whether you are willing to go through with the injection. You may feel reassured when you understand just what it entails, especially regarding discomfort during the treatment itself. I just hope that you can be pain free soon because constant pain just wears a person down physically and mentally.

    Sending energy for healing and clarity of mind and wishes for a restful, peaceful holiday this next week. Also, extra pats for the fur babies.

  3. The funeral homes give a general obit until the family can supply further information. That is why the first obit didn’t provide much info.

    I feel that Liz’s husband has been catfished and he should alert authorities ASAP.

  4. Most likely, if your ex’s obituary listed his full name and title, the search would pull up any ugly history he’d had and one would expect there would be ugly history with this odious being. I suspect the family involved in placing the obituary placed a rudimentary history to avoid further disgrace to themselves or the deceased.

  5. Hello Brenda, I am sorry to hear the Lizs’ situation is going from bad to worse. I hope that her attorney is fast at work on getting her a divorce and away from this man. The entire thing sounds like a “made for tv movie.” My thoughts and prayers are with her.

    I hope that you find some relief for your pain.

    Have a great night,

  6. ???
    I’m so glad that Liz and her dog got out of that house and has already contacted a lawyer and getting her nurse’s license! Yay Liz! I think she should change her number and not call him again, just let her lawyer handle it, from now on.

    I think you Brenda, should get another doctor’s opinion. If you don’t feel comfortable with this one, than that could be a sign. You need to feel comfortable with your doctor and not apprehensive, esp when taking a shot. Hugs to you and your fur babies!

  7. Hi Brenda,
    I hope you can get the shot soon to relieve you of your pain. Your friend that is in the throws of divorce should probably get legal council in place and not make some kind of legal mistake that could cost her. How horrible to be heart broken and betrayed and then have to worry about what he is doing with the other women and finances.
    Yikes. Not good.

    Wishing you and Ivy and Charlie a day of joy and peace for Christmas.

  8. I was shocked to find that leper’s charge for obits. The more detailed, the higher the price. Perhaps his family is not sentimental? And cheap?

  9. I agree Liz had better get a lawyer and get a move on or she will wish she had this dude is all over the place .
    Sounds like your ex was hiding from something also would take a skilled detective to figure all this out .
    My opinion on the injection is postpone til after Jan.1 and the holidays and you need to speak with the actual Dr. Doing the procedure not his assistant .
    Many doctors now are leaving things in the hands of assistants and that is not working out in some cases. I am wondering is this an epidural procedure or just a steroid injection like I got if epidural you definitely need to know more from doctor.If it is epidural that is a procedure done in hospital or surgical site ,more complicated than just the injections .
    You need to check on this more is my opinion .
    I am not a Dr. but sounds like too many unknowns here .
    I am seeing multiple doctors at this time and I am not using their NP or Assistant when I need to speak with the real deal .
    Many are just as qualified and knowledgable but I am paying for an MD or specialist and that is what I want .
    It is your body and life and you deserve the best !!!
    Our spines are important to keep other body functions working properly and this is serious stuff we can be paralyzed if not taken care of properly .
    You need to get more comfortable with your decisions .And get the Neurosurgeon to better explain and make sure you have the right necessary referrals from your provider to approve this for payment if yours is changing in January .
    But get on it asap after holidays !
    Hugs to you and prayers !

  10. I wish Liz had just breezily told him that the South American woman called her and wants to talk about some nasty plans she has for him – and that if he finds out about her call, she is going to deny it all! H*ll yeah! It’s time to hold him psychologically hostage with lies – two can play that game! And if he can get a loan without her (authentic) signature, so can she! Clean that bank out while you can, Liz! And leave him behind to pay it all back – including the threat of losing the house!
    Other than that, I agree with Jan (above) but her advice is very strongly worded 🙂 – I imagine there is some shock, confusion, and paralysis on Liz’s part that is causing her to react more slowly than she should. That’s why I am so glad she has you, Brenda, and the rest of us behind her with suggestions – and from me, heartfelt prayer.

  11. I agree that Liz needs to stop communicating with that man – for all she knows, she may not even be legally married to him. What if he’s married and has been for years, before her, to this woman in South America??? The LAST thing she should have done is texted him and questioned him about the woman’s name! Now he’ll wonder how the heck she found out the woman’s name! He will KNOW THAT SHE GOT SOMETHING FROM THE BANK. He’s going to want to know what else she knows, even if she knows nothing. She could be in real danger here. And WHY WHY WHY has she not closed out that bank account and any other bank account with her name on it, and put a freeze with all three credit reporting companies so that she HAS to be notified whenever someone is making an inquiry about HER CREDIT. She should have spoken with an attorney WEEKS ago. And she most certainly must NOT stay in that house. I’ll bet she hasn’t even bothered to change the locks, but a desperate person will find a way to break in, first of all, and assuming this “husband” has a license with an address on it, he can hire a locksmith to open the locks for him! In fact, she could come home some day and find HERSELF LOCKED OUT! Bye bye household items, including her clothing and personal effects! Now – that issue of whether it’s legal for a “husband” to sign his wife’s name to a loan? Probably not, but really without knowing what state she lives in and checking on the statutes in that state, who knows? I can tell you this: in some states a wife does not have to sign anything in order to be equally or FULLY LIABLE FOR A DEADBEAT HUSBAND’S DEBTS! This is why it is SO important that she see an attorney NOW, not weeks from now! And what’s the delay in applying for her nursing license? What’s she waiting for? Liz needs a good shake, or a good swift kick in the kiester!

    1. She is not living in their house. She is somewhere else, so there’s no reason to change the locks I don’t think. She saw an attorney last Monday. Her nursing license is being processed and she’s been urging them to hurry up. I don’t know anything about her bank accounts, whether she’s closed them or not.

  12. It’s entirely possible family had to pay to publish the obituary, so it was kept to a bare minimum.

    As far as Liz’s husband getting a loan and including her without her knowledge, that right there says he has questionable dealings going on. No reputable lender would allow that. Dear Lord, please watch over her and her dog. As my grandma used to say, something doesn’t smell right!

  13. Regarding Liz, in my opinion, having been through something very similar I think it is very important that she stop trying to communicate with her husband and let her attorney do the talking. She should document everything and give the information to him/her. I hope she can be divorced quickly and move on. (In my state you have a 90-day “cooling off” period before it goes to court.)

    I do hope that you are able to get the injections as soon as possible to get some relief! I’d follow your regular doctor’s advice though.

  14. I agree it’s a very strange obit. Almost like the person submitting it didn’t care enough to write very much. Please take care of yourself. I don’t know if you will get that shot sooner or later, but I have no doubt you will eventually. You need to take care of yourself so you are well enough to then take care of your fur babies! Have a great day.

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