I am itching to do something different in my apartment. I don’t know what.

I can’t paint because that would probably irritate Charlie’s lungs. So I have my eye on changing up something.

Don’t know that I will. Just trying to shift my thoughts to something I can do, and not focus on this feeling of what I can’t do.

Every herb that flowers is going into its flowering stage. The mint, the lemon balm, the salvia. Oh, and the hostas.

Some of the zinnias that I cut back are showing signs of new leaf growth. Maybe they will flower again before winter.

The tomatoes I’ve picked lately weren’t fit to eat. I never got to eat one cucumber off the cucumber plant and now it’s basically dead. Even the sweet peppers are fading away.

When I was a child we grew all kinds of vegetables and berries. There were green beans, peas, corn, radishes, carrots, onions. I can’t recall if we grew potatoes, but we probably did.

Eggs were readily available thanks to the hens.

We didn’t have a car so had to walk to the grocery store and it wasn’t close by as I recall. So there weren’t all that many trips to get groceries.

I loved eating what we grew. Such a natural way to live and sustain yourself. Just pick something from the garden or in the winter go down in the cellar and bring some jars to the kitchen.

Everything tasted so much better than canned and frozen food we eat today.

Last night I was in bed reading and heard a crash. What on earth, I thought.

I got up and Ivy had managed to knock one of the wooden cutting boards off the wall where I have them hanging. I don’t how she did that. But it sure was loud.

I found one of her favorite stuffed mice in the floor completely wet. I don’t know if she dipped it in their drinking water or what. She does often put her toys in the water bowl. I have no idea why.

Last night I made myself another veggie burger. I didn’t have a tomato from the garden, so I just added cheese and mustard and pickles. Still it was good.

I don’t really care for the “fake” chicken. But I sure do love those veggie burgers. To me the burgers taste much like a beef burger without all the fat and grease.

I didn’t make my usual cup of coffee this morning. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to fix it. I just have this feeling of inescapable inertia. Instead I drank a small glass of raspberry juice. 

My mornings are busy with all the medicine I give Charlie, feeding him and Ivy, and cleaning out the litter box (I do this twice per day).

I just feel so tired lately. Which is why I don’t know if I’ll get around to changing anything in my apartment. I think about it, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

The heat of the summer, the UTI infection, the worry over Charlie, all these things have worn me down and I don’t have much energy left over.

Then there’s all the violence of the past week that seems to get worse and worse as time goes by.

I might not be able to get myself moving enough to actually do anything. My energy level just isn’t what it was even a few years ago. Or even a year ago. I just feel tired and wrung out. I’m sure this too shall pass.

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33 Comments

  1. Hi Brenda, i read your bog blog regularly but i dont think ive ever commented! Please make sure the dr checks your vitamin d level..i take vitamin d every day or else i feel it. Tired, depressed. Just a thought! Hope you feel better very soon!
    Barbara

  2. Sorry you are feeling so low right now. But I can see with all you have going on it would be hard to be upbeat.
    I had my bank account hacked about 7 years ago, right after my husband died. I did not know what to do, it was such a mess. The bank did return the money but it was so upsetting as I had no other money to live on and pay bills. Very stressful.
    The heat we are having can really drag you down, as most of us do not have the energy for much of anything.
    Hope you will feel better soon.
    Hugs to Sweet Charlie and Ms. Ivy.
    Have a wonderful day

  3. When the weather changes and gets cooler I always get energetic, fall cleaning and rearranging. Hopefully cooler weather will inspire you . Hopefully, that will help your sweet puppy as well! Blessings….Deb

  4. It must be the dog days of summer, along with all the other stress you are facing. Hopefully, once your body clears out the infection, you will get your spark back. Drink, drink, drink…. stay hydrated!

  5. I too have a UTI ,a very bad one .I am on A very strong antibiotic .I was in the ER all day past Thursday .
    It is very hard on your system to have these and they deplete all the energy you have and the antibiotics do also .I can barely make it out of bed to the bathroom .Plus they make me very depressed.
    Hope you feel better soon .
    I will be thinking of you and your sweet babies .

  6. You have a lot of yucky stuff going on right now and then with the intense heat, no wonder you’re not feeling too well. I find at times like that to either just go with the flow – rest, read and kind of hibernate – or get out of the house and do something. I don’t know what your town offers, but my aunt has joined a lot of things through her park district that are low cost.

    I like veggie burgers too, but I make my own. If you’re going to buy prepared veggie burgers, please stay away from Morningstar as they are made with GMO soy. There are now quite a few brands that aren’t soy-based, such as Dr. Praeger’s. You could do a Google search to find others with cleaner ingredients. Look for ones based on vegetables and/or legumes – that don’t contain any soy.

    Be well, Brenda and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

  7. I have been feeling really lethargic lately too. I have to force myself to get up and go to my exercise classes. There is so much to be stressed about and I don’t know how much that is contributing to it. I keep hoping things will get better. xo Laura

  8. Sorry to hear someone hacked your bank account. That is one of my fears! Hope its not too difficult to get things back in order.
    Humidity zaps me of my energy. Hope to get some cooler temps soon. I want to give these veggie burgers a try.
    Take care

  9. I have to do vegan due to kidney disease and found veggienburger at Aldi’s called Earth Grown Lentil veggie burger, very tasty ans satisfying, much
    better than most out there.

  10. You could go to Tuesday Morning to have a look around and then that might help you find what you’re looking for, to change it up abit.
    Then go to the store and get some cranberry juice and some cranberry sauce to eat with ur veggie burgers. My sister says it works for her for the uti infection.
    You could also have a sandwich somewhere, like Paneras’s to unwind just alittle bit!
    Just an hr away from your apt might help you Brenda, to collect your thoughts! Just a suggestion for you.
    Have a great day with Charlie and Ivy!

  11. You have every reason to feel discouraged and lethargic. Depression often causes the very “symptoms” you’ve mentioned. Please mention it to your doctor. Also, know you are not alone, many of us who follow your blog are with you in spirit.

  12. Brenda, I know my DH and I are much older than you, but my DH urologist stated that a UTI takes a lot out of you and takes awhile to gather back your strength. With your worry over Charlie, the heat and UTI, I am sure you are feeling very tired. Give yourself a break and the time will come when you will feel motivated to tackle another project. I sometimes feel if I don’t have some project going that I feel guilty doing nothing, although, at this state of life (78) I shouldn’t LOL
    Enjoy hearing about Ivy and Charlie and seeing your pictures of your cozy house. I don’t always reply, but I have been reading your blog every day since you started it in Texas.
    I hear you loud and clear about the vegetables that you have grown and there is no taste to them. When I first moved to my old house, I planted tomatoes behind our garage and they tasted like the old ones from my youth. I later had to plant them in another area of the yard and they never tasted the same. No taste or very little – can’t tell you why.
    Enjoy the day with Ivy and Charlie.

    1. After I learned this morning that someone had hacked my bank account, I could take no more. I went to a local diner and had lunch and then walked around Hobby Lobby. I have to remember that virtually all they have now is Christmas and fall stuff, which further depresses me June through December. Now the bank had to stop my debit card and I have to try to recall all the places I pay automatically with it. What a mess. They told me to never ever use my debit card (which I did routinely) or a credit card at the gas pump. But to go inside. And now I’ll have to stand in line. Not happy about that.

      1. Same thing happened to my bank account recently. The thief stole $2700. From my account. I Only had 1 automatic payment but my retirement check was automatic deposit. What a hassle. Brenda if you are taking antibiotics for UTI infection, they can cause lack of injury. I agree with others the heat and humidity are also responsible.

        1. Luckily so far it is just $7.99 for a Lyft ride. Did you get your money back? They are investigating. They have stopped two of my purchases in the past month due to possible fraudulent activity. I asked if it would affect my social security, and the fraud division said no.

          1. Yes, Wells Fargo returned my money . I had to close my account and they gave me a new one,. The police took a report but I’ve heard of no one being arrested.

  13. I dearly love Morning Star burgers too! I used to get Grillers Prime. it tastes just like off the grill at a picnic or BBQ!
    I used to have a little book on all the things you could do with the burgers (I also love the original you’re talking about)
    but I gave it to a friend whose grandson had become vegetarian and his Mother was concerned about him getting enough protein!
    as far as that goes… they are SO MUCH healthier for us than beef.
    and as far as taste goes… they would never have to kill a poor cow or little calf again ! they are THAT GOOD! I know you agree!
    I even had a delicious lasagna made with the Morning Star Crumbles. it was amazing. I never would have known if they hadn’t told me.
    I have Charlie’s own health problems. Congestive Heart Failure. Angio- Edema. COPD and a dash of Scoliosis enough to keep my back from feeling good. some days the combination of it all just makes me want to never wake up. but I DO! and life is good.
    and I bet wee Charlie thinks that too. he could not ask for a better mama than YOU. You are wonderful.
    just keep loving him and keeping him as cool and quiet as you can! fall will come. and all will be good and fresh again. XOXO
    (and I live in OK too. so it may not come until most others are having WINTER! LOL. but it really will come! sending you love.)

  14. Maybe you could take the approach that just resting is a way that something creative can and healing can take place inside of your mind and body. When I was younger I used to think I had to go, go, go but it would have benefitted me to do some resting. I would have felt refreshed and less cranky toward my kids, I’m sure! I love to sleep with the windows opened but last night I was awakened by what sounded like cats fighting. I got up to make sure our two cats were in the house — I wondered if one might have slipped out when my husband went out to the car to get a book or something right before bedtime. One cat was on the bed, so he was easy to find. I had to get up and go looking for the other one. He was standing by his food dish, so maybe he heard me get up and thought I might give him something. I told him he’d have to wait. I went to bed and my husband wanted to know what was going on. I told him about the cats fighting outside, and assured him our cats were inside. But he still wanted to see for himself that both cats were safe, so he got up and checked just as I had done! Meanwhile, someone’s cats were screeching their heads off outside. I had to close the windows so we could get back to sleep. I definitely do not feel so sharp today thanks to the noise in the night.

  15. Having an infection does wipe one out…you need to rest extra, Brenda…hope you feel better soon…the heat wipes me out too…even inside an AC apt.

  16. I think the intense heat drains our energy. I am usually like the energizer bunny but I feel lethargic on hot summer days. Come on fall!!!!

    I can’t wait for you to do something new in your apartment. Since I live in a small space, I am always inspired by your decorating.

    Hugs to the babies!

  17. I think we all get a little ‘draggy’ by August….the heat, the humidity, and the garden looks scraggly….I’m the same and it’s not nearly as hot here. Once the fall weather starts showing up there’s a renewal of energy, and a desire to change things up in the house. I was tempted to change out my quilt yesterday to something more exciting, but the evenings have been so warm I’m sticking with just a down blanket on the bed and nothing else. It’s a little boring but oh well! Our harvest is just really getting into full swing, so I know my time off will be spent in the kitchen for the next two months. It’s a lot of work but sure is worth it!

  18. Sometimes you just have to start something to get rid of that inertia. I know I’ve had to. I miss being able to rearrage my home immensely! I feel dead in it. But it does get the juices flowing.

  19. Sorry to hear you’re not feeling up to par, could very well be the heat and lack of your fresh veggies. Sure hope you get your energy back soon. I for one can’t stand summer, can’t wait for spring. We just downsized to an apartment and I love it, now I have to figure out what I can grow in pots as far as veggies go. I agree I really like the veggie burgers.

  20. Brenda,
    It is difficult to stay upbeat with the violence in today’s world, but we must keep our minds sane, with the hope of a better tomorrow.
    Looking out at my little garden from the living room window is what helps me remain calm. Looking after my 2 kitties keeps me busy, when I am not working. I do like to change things up around the house too, though.
    By the way, you keep mentioning the great veggie burgers, never had those. Which are the ones you buy? Would love to try.

  21. The lethargic feeling will pass when the weather cools down and the dew points start to drop below 50 once again. But the dismay and feelings of helplessness about what’s happening and things out of your control, that may take awhile to fade. You will feel better when the weather becomes more bearable and you are not continually forced by the horrible hot weather to stay inside. Lower humidity may also help somewhat with Charlie’s breathing, although there is no fix for a heart that is wearing out. You can only do the best you can to make him comfortable, and I’m sure he knows he is loved and is being well taken care of by his human mommy. House bound today myself, even though it’s “only” 88 outside, the dew point is very high and the air is thick, heavy, and uncomfortable. I can’t be out long in this kind of weather, I don’t think many people can – maybe only children, who seem to be impervious at times to all different sorts of weather, including hot humid and enervating!

  22. Good Morning Brenda. I know it is hard to feel motivated with all the stress you have going. I think a project maybe even just something small might be a good distraction and help you feel better. Wishing you a good week ahead.
    Kris

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