The Long & Winding Road

Today I stood and made my first cup of coffee in three months.

And then I walked with the mug from the kitchen here to my easy chair.

It is yet another measure of freedom.

Because it is a privilege to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. I will never forget that this is not a given. Nor should anyone who can walk independently.

I’m still getting around mostly with the knee scooter. Greg told me not to push it.

Yesterday when he was here I walked with half steps, which means one step forward and then meeting that foot before going forward, to the front door.

He said if I’m still doing okay by the end of the week maybe we’ll try walking through, which means taking a step and then moving the other foot forward past it.

I haven’t run a marathon and never will, but I’m excited that I’ve been able to walk at all, even if it is with the walking boot on.

Every time I pass a small but significant-to-me marker, I feel this rush of excitement.

It means I’ve reached another level of independence.

The idea that I might soon be able to stand in the kitchen and actually cook a meal might not be far off. And I can’t wait to cook healthy food and have leftovers again.

I’m so “over” take-out.” None of it tastes good to me anymore because, in the last three months, it has been a staple food for me.

Before I even got out of bed today, the song “The Long And Winding Road,” sung by Paul McCartney, was playing in my head.

It has certainly been a long and winding road for me.

Because it was just a few weeks ago that I was looking online at wheelchairs, trying to locate one that would fit through narrow doors.

And I would be okay with that. Any degree of mobility would be welcome news.

Many people can’t walk. It isn’t the end of the world. They find ways to get around. So here’s a nod to them that what they’re doing every single day is no small feat.

As McCartney sings the song, available to me via YouTube, tears roll down my face.

These small baby steps feel momentous.

But I’m not allowing myself to get too excited yet. It’s hard when your hopes are dashed and you spiral from the clouds right back down to earth.

I’ve been here before.

Three times as a different anesthesiologist put the mask over my face, I knew that when I woke up I would be in a lot of pain. But, I told myself, I hadn’t given up.

One surgery, then two. Then eight years of struggling with on and off physical therapy. I’ve had so much physical therapy over the last ten years.

And then by the third surgery, I told myself that this would likely be my final rodeo.

I think I know why the Beatles’ song popped into my head first thing this morning. Because this long road has had so many twists and turns.

Down the long and winding road that Paul McCartney sings so beautifully about.

I may have to put that song on continual rewind because it says so eloquently what I’m feeling right now.

Going down any road at all means you’re still moving forward. It means your heart is still beating and you’re still trying.

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57 Comments

  3. I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be for you, but I’m so glad you are having some success. Sometimes that’s all we need to find the hope and the strength to move forward. Cheering you on from here…

  4. Oh! What good news! Am so happy for you. I understand your feeling of freedom that comes with being able to move around (even a bit) on your own power. Praying the healing continues for you.

  5. Brenda….it sounds like you are making slow but positive progress. I am so happy for you. Your persistence will pay off. Cheering you on!! 😉

  6. Brenda,
    love following your journey. You are an inspiration too many. Every small step for you is a victory. We, your readers applaude and cheer you on! Thank you for also sharing the down side, the days when it feels too hard to press on, but you presevere! Remember who won the race. You are getting there, you will get there!
    All the best!

  7. Not easy to accept what all affects us physically at our ages, is it? SO very glad you are making some progress…it is slow when we are older…but we must try to remember how life was when it was not this good…my hubby still very slowly making a bit of progress too…still has to rely on his cane at all times, but at least he is not as bad as he was when we moved in April!! We keep hoping things will get better and keep seeking answers!!

  9. I have three family members in power wheelchairs. Once in a while I have an opportunity to speak with someone using a different kind of mobility device.
    Yesterday was such a day. I had a conversation with a man in a ” Zinger” wheel chair. It folds to go in a car, fits through doorways, and rolls up to a standard height table or desk. As someone who often needs a cane, sometimes needs a walker, and sometimes needs to sit NOW! I see something like this in my future. Be sure to Google it.

  10. Savor and bask in those special moments! You deserve it:) Keep moving forward down the long and winding road of life:)

  11. This is so wonderful!!!! Since plantar fasciitis I haven’t taken walking or standing for granted either. When I cared for my wheelchair-bound mother the last couple years of her life, although she was stalwart and not one to complain, her dearest wish was to walk again.

  12. Such great news! I check on you every day to see how you are doing! I’m proud of you for learning to be patient. Tomorrow is the first day of fall and it also happens to be my birthday! So thankful for that! Take care!

  13. Brenda, congratulations, not only for the progress but for your attitude! Take it slow, you are doing great! I cannot wait to see what you cook. It is almost cosy/nesting season so you will have a few more months to recuperate and regain strength for your gardening next summer!
    Take care,
    Elizabeth

  14. First, Brenda, congratulations! That’s a big deal, and I’m so happy for you! Secondly, I’m sure I speak for all of your readers when I say NONE of us is tired of hearing you talk about your health updates! In fact, I’d say it’s just the opposite. We’re all so happy to hear of the progress you are making, big or small! Thank you for sharing that information with us. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to your first cooking post too, when you are able to make yourself that casserole you’ve been looking forward to. In fact, if you share your recipe, I might have to make it in your honor and share a virtual meal with you, lol.
    Thirdly, I, too, noticed the blue salt and pepper shakers and really like them. Big ((hugs)) my friend.

  17. Wow! That’s like “One small step for man, one giant step for Brenda.” Okay, I changed it a little bit. Your kitchen is so pretty, I love your white cabinets, they just light up the space so much. You must be getting tired of all our reminders not to overdo it and not to get ahead of yourself. You’re improving, that’s the goal. Just think, we’re all out here cheering for you and every improvement, however “small” it may seem to you, is really big for us because we’re with you every inch of the way.

  18. You are making progress and taking it slowly is being smart. Accepting that we aren’t 20 years old helps us understand it all takes more time. I am looking forward just as much as you to when you make your first home cooked casserole as I use to love reading what you prepared and froze some for later. It’s an inspiration not to waste food and season it our own ways. Take out gets old after a few times so understand completely.

    1. Well, it took me 65 years to learn that. Even a month or so before surgery I was still getting up on a step ladder with the walking boot on. Stupid, I know. Sometimes I’m almost embarrassingly impatient.

  21. So happy to hear your news. It made me think (really) of the astronaut taking his first steps for mankind, on the moon. No matter how big or how small the steps you take, each and every one of them is important!
    How proud of yourself you must be, and you should be. Congratulations on your big accomplishment. The best treat/reward, “A cup of coffee”. You did it!!!

  22. I love the way you guide us from the onset of problems in your life (nasty place to live, painful ankle) through your carefully thought out journey to a solution, and then, at last!….your final triumph in the end. No, you’re not quite there yet with this challenge, but you’re getting there step by step….literally! You’re such an inspiration to those of us struggling with problems!

    1. Well, that’s what I hope to do. I’ve done so many ridiculous things when I should have been more careful. I realize that now. I don’t want anyone else making the mistake of doing things you shouldn’t be doing. You have to come to accept a condition, and that’s hard when you’ve always had a high energy level.

    1. I will do that. Ivy is sleeping in her gray and white woven basket. It’s currently her favorite place to nap when I’m in the living room.

  24. Congratulations and BRAVA!!!
    The joy in your voice is so wonderful! 🎉
    And no, we’re not sick of you writing about all this. It’s wonderful to hear you feeling pleased with yourself, your progress, and your commitment to taking it all slowly & surely. Thank you for sharing it all with us!
    May your progress, joy and well-being continue.
    The autumnal equinox is tomorrow, Sept 22… happy Fall!!! 🍂🍁🍂

  25. Amazing how much we really appreciate our own cooking after so much take out.
    Enjoying restaurant food, or anything similar, is difficult. Especially for me.
    Any excess salt is harmful for our joints.
    Easy to be sick, swollen.
    Just very uncomfortable.
    Take out, etc ,,,,,, is prepared with so much unnecessary sodium.
    It can be like a poison to our bodies.
    A favorite restaurant we order from (in our neighborhood) once or so a month is Chinese. They will beautifully prepare our meals without any salt.
    Tastes delicious! 😋
    Walking is limited.
    My daily buddy is a blue walker!! 🌟
    Being homebound is something I’ve accepted for over 3 years.
    My family helps tremendously.
    Because of so much red tape throughout the years,
    I was unable to have double knee surgery.
    I look forward to the days where pain is minimal.
    Life is bearable and okay.
    Feeling fortunate and grateful puts it all in perspective. 😊

  26. Good news! Yahoo! Take it slow you are going in the right direction! Love the blue salt and pepper shakers.

  27. For sure gonna listen to that song today…have tears in my eyes cause I am happy for you…you deserve to be healed and happy…one day at a time💕

    1. I know you all are getting sick of me writing about this, but it’s a big part of my life, and if I didn’t write about the little moments, it wouldn’t be genuine.

      1. Not at all tired of you Brenda. ❤️
        Regardless, of good or not so great news, still aboard!! 😊
        Keep us in the know!!!
        Hopefully you can fix up that casserole!!
        They are delicious and go a long way! 😋
        Pats for beautiful Ivy! 🐈

    1. Yes it’s a wonderful time for you Brenda! 😊
      Eventually I feel confident you will be able to do so much more for yourself!
      Slow and easy. 😌 For sure, healing will happen!!!
      Loved ❤️ reading the blog today!!!

  29. I’m so happy for you! Really down deep in my heart happy for your progress. I had to go listen to the song three times, one of my all time favorites! It’s very appropriate to your situation, and very emotional! Again, congratulations and much love!

  30. So happy Brenda for you. I can imagine your excitement. As I read your words I felt my spirit lift too!
    It really is a great day.

  31. Baby steps! Yay, I sooo happy for u Brenda! Before too long you’ll be cooking your first meal again in three months. Hmmm. What’s your first meal that your going to cook for yourself?

  33. I’m very cautiously excited for you, Brenda! That was a very special cup of coffee. WooHoo!!!
    You got this.
    Savor your joy. 🙂

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