I’m just going through the motions here. Watching each passing hour and hoping that Abi is getting better. I dropped her off at the vet as usual this morning.
I honestly didn’t think she’d make it through the night last night. I laid on the bed with her up against me and just talked to her. She was like a limp dish rag.
She wouldn’t eat. She’s lost weight because she hasn’t eaten in days. However she did drink a bit of water last night, which encouraged me. She’s urinating.
Oh, I hated to leave her this morning. I told myself last night that if I’m going to lose her, I don’t want her to die in a cage. I want her here with me.
But how do I know? I don’t. It’s leave her there getting treatment and maybe getting better. Or having her here and most likely sure death.
Your mind flits around like fireflies in the dark. I cried for an hour or so, then told myself to get myself together for her. To not upset her.
I just want to bring her home alive. All I want for Mother’s Day is to have my baby back home. I want a few more years because I’m just not ready.
But then, you’re never ready.
The vet didn’t look encouraged yesterday. But he had so many people and pets to deal with he barely had a chance to rest, and I think he’s well past retirement age.
And then there’s the sad fact that his technician was killed Saturday. She’d been with him five years. And in a blink she and her baby are gone.
People keep going.
You sit in a room with strangers, many with fear in their heart and hope in their eyes. Trying to focus on going through the motions.
When you dare to love, heartbreak will inevitably follow. Because time is fleeting.
I stopped on the way home to get groceries this morning. Because you have to eat. You have to put fuel in your body to keep going.
Hoping for better news today. I’ll keep you updated.