yellow flower

I’m just going through the motions here. Watching each passing hour and hoping that Abi is getting better. I dropped her off at the vet as usual this morning.

I honestly didn’t think she’d make it through the night last night. I laid on the bed with her up against me and just talked to her. She was like a limp dish rag.

She wouldn’t eat. She’s lost weight because she hasn’t eaten in days. However she did drink a bit of water last night, which encouraged me. She’s urinating.

Oh, I hated to leave her this morning. I told myself last night that if I’m going to lose her, I don’t want her to die in a cage. I want her here with me.

But how do I know? I don’t. It’s leave her there getting treatment and maybe getting better. Or having her here and most likely sure death.

plants on my patio

Your mind flits around like fireflies in the dark. I cried for an hour or so, then told myself to get myself together for her. To not upset her.

I just want to bring her home alive. All I want for Mother’s Day is to have my baby back home. I want a few more years because I’m just not ready.

But then, you’re never ready.

The vet didn’t look encouraged yesterday. But he had so many people and pets to deal with he barely had a chance to rest, and I think he’s well past retirement age.

And then there’s the sad fact that his technician was killed Saturday. She’d been with him five years. And in a blink she and her baby are gone.

People keep going.

You sit in a room with strangers, many with fear in their heart and hope in their eyes. Trying to focus on going through the motions.

When you dare to love, heartbreak will inevitably follow. Because time is fleeting.

white clematis

I stopped on the way home to get groceries this morning. Because you have to eat. You have to put fuel in your body to keep going.

Hoping for better news today. I’ll keep you updated.

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57 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry Brenda, I cried while reading this. I know the pain you are feeling. I had to put my girl Roxanne down December of 2017 and I still think about her and feel sad. I’m really sorry and I hope she pulls through.

    Tania

  2. I’m so so sorry Brenda. I sure do hate to hear this news. I’ll keep Abi and you in my prayers.

  3. It appears that everyone who posts here has been through what you are going through right now with Abi. People either get it – like we do – or they don’t. No in-betweenies when it comes to loving pets as family. We’re all with you, Brenda.

  4. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Pets are such a special part of our family.
    Sending you a big hug.

  5. I am so very, very sorry that you, Abi, and Charlie have to go through this. I am hoping and praying Abi recovers from whatever this is and is home with you and Charlie soon. Having a pet you love be so sick is just gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. Sending good thoughts your way! {{{{HUGS}}}}

  6. This is heartbreaking Brenda. We’re never ready to say goodbye to our beloved fur babies. Follow your heart, and if she’s not improving, get another opinion, or take her home.

    I’ll pray for a better tomorrow for you both.

  7. Brenda, so sad to hear the news about your precious Abi. It’s heart breaking to loose your babies! Your in all of our hearts and prayers.

    Take care of yourself and Charlie!

  8. This must be so hard on you, I’m so sorry. Poor little Abi. I’m praying for her recovery.

  9. Brenda we have all come to love you, Abi and Charlie. Like others, I’m hopeful when I see your blog each day that there will be good news about Abi. You are in my thoughts & prayers that she comes out of this.

  10. My heart breaks for you as you go through this difficult time. My deepest prayers are sent to you and your sweet Abi. Animals are not just pets..they are our family.

  11. oh my goodness. it is hard to express my concern for your family and your vet. Prayers for all of you on the way.

  12. I am devastated by your news of Abi, Brenda. I really don’t understand what has happened to her. Do you have an emergency veterinary hospital in your city? I have found the one in my city has excellent doctors and they have been able to resolve problems with my pets that other vets have failed to do. Please consider doing this tonight. Emergency vets are open all night every night and will keep them in the hospital if necessary. And there is staff there all the time to care for them. Please get another vet’s opinion before it’s too late.

    I AM PRAYING LONG AND HARD FOR YOU AND ABI.

  13. Brenda, I’ve been praying each night for little Abi. I know the pain in your heart because I’ve been there. I just lost my husband. He died in his sleep. My fur babies keep me going. The thought of losing one of them scares me….But I know it will happen one day. We are never prepared. Love you and Abi.

  14. My thoughts are of you, Abi, and Charlie. I am so very sorry. I hope that Abi bounces back.
    Every single reader of this blog is pulling for your Abi. I hope tonight is a good night. And that tomorrow is a good day. Take care.

  15. I’m so sorry, Brenda! I would be so torn too. When I rescued my last cat I had to leave her with the vet not knowing if she would make it. She was so sick from not getting sufficient care in the shelter. Even though I had not even taken her home, she stole my heart with her big sad eyes. I just knew I had to try to save her. Fortunately she made it and is doing great today. I don’t think we are ever ready to lose a pet or a family member. Praying for you and your babies!

  16. Brenda I am praying you get more time with Abi. It is so heartbreaking when they are sick. I think that is the worse thing to watch them suffering. My heart goes out to you. Please keep us posted. Wishing for the best.
    xoxo
    Kris

  17. I’m so sorry Abi is still struggling. Does the vet have any better idea of what is going on?

    Our Bear is perking up some. The antibiotics seem to be dealing with the kidney issue but we still haven’t got results from last Friday’s blood test for the possible tumor on his pancreas. Apparently, results can take up to 1 week to get. So it’s still just wait for us too. Bear is my little companion so I hate seeing him this way too.

    At least the sun is shining where I live and it’s warm enough today to sit outside and listen to the birds without a jacket. Small things but good.

    Jan

  18. Brenda, I’ve followed your blog since you were in Texas and I love your sweet dogbabies. I am so sorry to hear that Abi is so sick. Will say a prayer for her recovery and for your comfort.

  19. Having been through this 3 times Brenda, I know how distraught you are feeling. Just know you are not alone and all your followers are praying for Abi. Please don’t forget to take care of yourself during this difficult time.

  20. You and sweet Abi are in my heart and thoughts ~
    Like many of the others have written, I’ve been down this path, too. The heartbreak is unbearable.
    Sending cyber hugs for you and cuddles for Abi ~

  21. Oh dear Brenda. You and Abi are in my prayers. My heart aches for you and I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I totally understand your emotions, it is so hard, and makes your heart break to think of not having your little one with you anymore.

  22. Brenda, my heart is with you during these awful days and pray for a rebound for Abi. Is it possible for you to spend part of the day with her–

  23. I’m sure Abi felt your live thru the night. Hoping for the best for your little sweet Abi.

  24. oh dear heart. there are no words. i cried when i read this.
    can’t they give her some kind of nourishment through IV?
    she must think she’s just in a torture chamber though. oh god.
    my heart leaps when i see a post from you. i keep thinking the crisis will pass.
    and she’ll be better. and she might. at least she can still pee and drink some.
    that has to be a good sign! wrapping her in my virtual love. and you as well.
    xo

  25. My heart is broken for you and your sweet baby. I pray God will give you more time with her. And I hope everyone who reads this will pray too. God bless you and God heal Abi. Thank you in Jesus’ name.

  26. Oh Brenda, It is so hard to see them suffer. We always wait anxiously to see them return to their old self filling our days with love and laughter. You and Abi are in my thoughts.

  27. Long time reader, first time commenter… I’ll be keeping Abi in my thoughts and hoping for her recovery. Our furbabies fill such a special place in our hearts, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Hugs from southern California ❤

  28. I have no words, Brenda, but I do have hope. I am praying this is not Abi’s time to leave. I will keep praying until she is home again, healthy, with you and Charlie..Hugs, Bonnie in WI

  29. My heart hurts for you and with you, dear Brenda. I’m wishing very badly that I could give you a warm hug right now. I just lost my beloved kitty in October. During her illness, the pain was unbearable at times. Praying with all my heart for a full recovery for sweet Abi,
    Thinking of you…
    Gayle

  30. Oh Brenda….my heart hurts so bad for you and Abi. I went through what you are going through last summer with my dog and remember how helpless I felt. Stay strong and lots of love and healing thoughts to Abi from N.C.

  31. So sorry you & Abi are going through this. Everyone is pulling for Abi to have a full recovery. I used to work at a vet & I know how hard it is on people. It’s never easy. Love & hugs to you both.

  32. Logged in to check on your Abi-girl. My heart hurts for you and I am praying!! I could not stop sobbing (every few minutes) when our girl was going through something similar–you’re braver and doing better than me!

    Hope this is encouraging, too: Our vet allowed us to come see our girl during the day of her surgery, but before she could come home. Helped us all!

  33. Still giving fluids? Call and ask how she’s doing and to let you know if she’s doing worse so you can go get her.
    This type of situation is never easy and always heartbreaking. Sorry Abi is not feeling well.

  34. I am so sorry and pray that Abi will bounce back. I’m facing that too with our little dog. We have such a short time with them–I wish they would live longer than they do. I’m checking each morning to see how she is doing.

  35. Brenda, I am crying right along with you, praying for sweet Abi to get better. How is it she took such a turn for the worse in just a matter of days, it’s just heartbreaking to think of her in a cage when all you want to do is hold her and comfort her. Praying for you both xoxo

  36. Brenda,
    I’m so sorry. I feel your pain and praying that Abi gets better, stronger for a little more time. She feels your love where ever she is. We’ll be waiting for you update.
    Pam

  37. I just wanted to let you know that you have another person praying for Abi. I am also one that gets very attached to my pets. We lost our German Shepherd several years ago after many surgeries. It got to the point that they couldn’t do anything else. It is such a hard time to go through when your pets are “your children”.

  38. Brenda my heart hurts for you. Probably most of your followers have been or will be in your position and understand and empathize with your feelings—we all care. You are in my thoughts every day. I pray that you soon have your baby back with you full time.

  39. I’ve been where you are, and it is the hardest time imaginable. You and Abi are in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for little Abi and you. Keep us updated. We all care.

  40. Fingers and toes are crossed that Abi wants to stick around with you for a few more years. Please keep us posted and take care of yourself!

  41. Brenda this puts a knot in my stomach. I ache for you because I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been through this many times and it’s never, ever easy. Our pets are our loved ones, a part of us. I know you love your precious Abi (and she knows it too) with all your heart and soul, you’re a good mama and Abi has felt your tenderness, love and deep caring.
    When I see your newsletter in my inbox, I’m always happy to open it, that is until lately. I don’t know you or your little darlings, but please know this, you’re not alone in your pain. There are those of us who hurt right along with you through the miles..

  42. You are right… we are never ready ….. My precious Gracy (my beloved salt&pepper Schnauzer) passed away at the ripe old age of 18… but I still wanted her to stay with me just a little longer…. These precious fur babies fill our lives with so much joy…… Prayers that your precious Abi will be better…… and yes… come back home to you….

  43. Brenda, I am so sorry that you and Abi going through this trying time .I have a wonderful little
    Yorkie too. I do not know what I would do if something and I have to happened to him. He is getting older and I have to think about it. Prayers and positive thoughts going out for Abi and for you. Keep us updated.

  44. Making health decisions for one so dependent on you is heart wrenching. I’ve been through it time and again and the responsibility is almost like a physical weight on the heart. My thoughts are with you and little Abi.

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