Where You Hang Your Apron
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A house is where you hang your apron. It is where you eat meals, sleep, and make decisions. It is where you spend your time and live your life.
Probably most important of all is that it’s where you will never be turned away. You belong there as surely as you breathe.
You see, I don’t live in a fancy house. I rent a home, and it’s not at all grand. So you won’t see decorating posts from me that show a lot of expensive things.
I’m not one of those bloggers. I doubt I would be, even if I had the money to buy fancy things. It’s just not me, I guess.
Humble Beginnings:
I come from very humble beginnings. We were poor. And we didn’t have a car to get around.
My grandmother, great-grandmother, and I walked to the grocery store in town and walked back home. It seemed like the paper sacks got heavier with every step.
But we had one hell of a garden. We ate well. Blackberry cobblers. Fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, and potatoes. My favorite meal, one I still look back on fondly, was pinto beans, fried potatoes, cornbread, and sweet iced tea.
We didn’t go to restaurants. Not that there were more than a couple in that small town to dine at anyway.
I was suddenly on my own at an early age. When I was 13, I didn’t know diddly about life, how to take care of myself, or what to do.
I’ve Made Mistakes:
I’ll be the first to tell you that I’ve made lots of mistakes and learned many life lessons. The greatest tragedy of all is that I got married three times.
Try as I might, I never did get it right. And I don’t have the desire to try anymore. I just want my peace, my dogs, and a roof over our heads to keep us safe.
If I had my life to do over again, I would have become one of two things. I’d either have majored in library science instead of journalism and been a librarian. Or I’d have become a nature photographer.
I have Asperger’s and don’t really like to be around people much. So I would probably have headed for the hills and become a nature photographer.
No Fancy Houses Here:
In terms of this blog, if you want to find grandeur and read about fancy houses, I’m sorry, but you’re in the wrong place.
I’ve lived in fancy houses. And those grand houses, I can promise you from experience, won’t make you happy. Modest ones won’t tilt the scales either.
Houses are simply where you hang your apron. When you finish cooking and wash the dishes, you take your apron off and hang it somewhere in your kitchen.
It’s a testament to how much you love your home and those who live in it. You cook meals and clean up. And in a few hours, you’ll start all over again.
It’s what a homemaker is. And that should make you feel proud. You are taking care of whatever needs to be taken care of. Make sure the home’s occupants are fed and that they have clean clothes to wear. You get on your hands and knees and scrub the floor.
Some Bad Situations & Bad Decisions:
I suppose you could say that I’ve been in some bad situations. The kind of bad that comes with being married and miserable. It’s about feeling trapped, when you can’t decide whether to chew off your foot or die trying.
I can’t blame other people. It is what it is. Other women have been through what I have and lived to tell the tale. Maybe it left them a little rough around the edges, but life will do that sometimes.
Agony will settle in your heart and force you to see that fairy tales don’t last. Just like in a book, they come to an end. You turn the last page, close the book, and move on.
No matter how much your heart is breaking or how many years you spent loving someone.
Those I Love:
I have two daughters that I love dearly. And three precious grandchildren. I had my first child young and didn’t know beans about mothering. But I also wasn’t blessed with a mother of my own to teach me.
I love the spoiled and sometimes ornery pupsters. At times, they’re as silly and aggravating as the day is long. But they’re the best companions a woman could have. They love me unconditionally, and nothing beats that.
They’ll never give me anything but complete devotion, and when they look at me, I see love in their eyes. Nothing beats that. I’m here to tell you that nothing on earth beats that.
Nice Things:
I rarely go to stores and buy new things to show you. But I did once upon a time. I think I was mostly trying to fill the emptiness I felt within.
I used to own lots of niceties. But I sold the bulk of those things before I moved here. Because I needed the money to relocate out of state more than I needed the stuff. I don’t miss those things.
What is most important is a beating heart. No matter how hard you try, you can’t breathe life into “things.”
I don’t begrudge people their beautiful and expensive things. Because I once had them too. But in the end, I was more than happy to trade them in for another kind of life.
A new lease on life, you might say.
What I Have Learned:
That old saying is true. Money can’t buy you love. Or loyalty or happiness.
There’s nothing worse than being in a room with someone and feeling lonelier than you ever have in your life.
Learning that made me feel humble. I felt that I’d failed, and that thought trailed me for a while. It still bothers me sometimes that I just couldn’t get it right.
I have regrets. But who doesn’t?
A house is where you hang your apron. So wear it proudly as you create a home that you love.
Hi Brenda! I just found your blog this morning via a recipe posted on a low-carb website. I love your cozy house, your pupsters and your attitude. <3 I too went through a divorce, 3 1/2 years ago, downscaled from a 3200 sq ft home to a 900 sq foot apartment with a little patio that I enjoy so much! I was finally able to decorate in a style that fits my personality and feels like home. Our surroundings, furnishings, plants, loved ones, atmosphere affect us so much! I will be reading here often. OH and have you checked into plans with Obamacare. My COBRA insurance runs out in August and I will need to do that unless I can find a job that fits into the lifestyle I am cobbling together before then. Have a beautiful day!! Susan
Just beautiful-thank you for sharing your life, your wisdom learned, and the beauty you find around you. Well wishes abundant for you.
Thank you. I figure once you finally acquire some wisdom, you might as well share it!
Brenda
It is clear that your words are truly heartfelt–and I "get it."
I am happier single. Confident. Peaceful. I earn my money and spend it how I wish or how it needs to be spent what with a roof over our heads and food in the pantry. Raised my son alone. It was better that way, believe me. He just graduated Phi Beta Kappa, will get his Masters in June 2014, and will go on to Law school. Entertaining for me, aside from cooking for close family, is a bag of catnip and some new toy mice! In fact, I stopped at the pet store today for a few dollars worth of supplies. Party at my place tonight. Me and my furry ones.
Peace reigns in my modest yet cozy home and may it always reign in yours.
You must be very proud. Of your boy. And of doing it on your own. Congrats to him on his Masters degree! Yes, peace reigns in my home. Finally. Don't know what took me so long. Fear I guess.
Brenda
Laurel, every time I think of you I think of that house in the photo on your sidebar. If I could pick any house I wanted, I think it would be yours. There's just something about it that is so appealing. If I'm ever in a boat and can't see land for miles and miles, you'd be one of the women I'd want in there with me to pass the time.
Brenda
Life is a journey, and I'm happy to be traveling with you.
Hi Brenda. First off, that photo of the white-and-pink Rose of Sharon is so lovely. When I was younger and something of a gardening snob, I didn't want any Rose of Sharon bushes. Rose of Sharon seemed like it belonged in the yards of old ladies. Now that I am in my late 50s, and closer to being an old lady, I love Rose of Sharon bushes. I have a half dozen or so, in several colors. I love the white with the pink throat the best because the flowers really stand out against the green leaves. Rose of Sharon bushes seem really dense and tough, but they have a lot of delicate beauty, as your photo shows.
I wonder if they all have two different colored blooms. I have white and pink on the same bush/tree.
Brenda
Mine are all just one color on each bush. Maybe someone planted two different colors very close together in your yard, making it seem like one plant with two colors. Here in KY, people plant a pink and a white dogwood together, or a pink and a white crape myrtle, to make it look like one plant with two colors.
Brenda, my friend, you know that I am so with you on all of this. I'm glad that you are back on blogger. I could almost feel the stress melt away from your body after you returned. No more of that constant worry of all the latest bells and whistles (and paying for them). I love you and your blog just the way you are. xo Laura
I admit I am much more relaxed and can therefore have more time to devote to projects and what I want to add to my blog. The technical stuff plus trying to blog was overwhelming to me.
Brenda
Some profound thought here.
I, too, like your blog better now.
Thank you! I think I left my spot and was never really comfortable until I came back and got in that spot again. I'm comfy here.
And by the way, your blog is looking wonderful.
Brenda
As Gloria Steinem said once, A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. While I don't agree with everything she said, that really fits into my philosophy.
I am once divorced and twice married, but I will always be a complete whole self.
I realize that many women think they are not complete without a husband. In reality, they have to think of themselves as a complete whole person, not just half a couple.
Otherwise, it will perpetuate the pattern of not being content with just themselves. You can be be alone, but not lonely. I was happy being single, 17 years, and planned to never marry. Then I met my present husband. Either way, I plan to stay "whole".
Best wishes to you. You sound peaceful with yourself.
Gloria Steinem, a person the young women probably don't even remember, was one smart cookie. She was battling for women at a time when few had the nerve. That was a great quote, and just how I feel.
You can be happy by yourself. I never felt more lonely than sitting across the table from a man I couldn't think of a single word to say to. Living alone, I don't feel lonely any more.
Brenda
You exemplify the best of blogging Brenda. Honest, real, and from the heart.
This is one of my favorite posts, and that's saying a lot.
And it's saying a lot to me! I certainly feel honored because I so respect you.
Brenda
This post is one of the most meaningful i have come across in a long time… including the comments. You just said in one post what "Simple Abundance" took 365 days to say… That life isn't in things, it is in people, and giving thanks for what you've got, and being as contented as you can be with your station in life. Self-acceptance and peace is a huge blessing, I'm so glad I found you and your blog! It is a cozy and heart-warming place on the internet!
Monica, that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said/written to me. I don't claim to have all the answers. Just the answers for me. I welcome you to my blog.
Brenda
This post touched my heart. Brought tears to me, and also hope.
Some years ago, I lost hope. I listened when someone who was supposed to love me told me I couldn't make it alone. That I'd have to have a man take care of me. I listened when he told me I was unlovable. I listened when he shattered what dreams I had left. And then I put on my big girl panties, got the hell out of there, and found hope waiting for me. I won't say it's easy, cause it's not. But the only way we can find hope is through our own individual efforts. One listens because emotionally you get beaten down. I believed him because he was so smart and was an M.D. and had so much schooling. I didn't realize that in terms of emotional development, all that schooling means absolutely nothing.
Brenda
Amen, Sister! I know right now I am not living up to my career potential as some have thought I should. But I am happier now than I have been in a very long time. I love your little blue house. Maybe you need to get a cat…I'm surprised one has not found you!
I would have a cat if it weren't for the fact that these pupsters would surely torment it. That's the only thing that made me feel better when he got the cats. I knew the dogs wouldn't be chasing poor old Clyde anymore.
Doesn't matter what your career potential is. Some people reach their "career potential" and are miserable. If you like what you're doing, then that's all that's important. Don't let anyone tell you different.
Brenda
Miz Brenda- I think this is one of the best posts you have ever written. You are right there-here and now-realer than real and that is what makes a good blogger. I can feel you pain- I have felt your pain. We are kindred souls of a sort and yet different in subtle ways. Bless you- you are a survivor. xo Diana
Thank you, Miz Diana. I find it is far easier to just be real and not try to be pretentious. If I've made a mistake, I like to just say so and go on.
Brenda
I live in a small house and don't have fancy things either. Those things aren't important to me. What is: my family and my cats. I thank God for my wonderful husband, especially after knowing what you went through!
Melanie, I think you picked a winner. Don't know how many of them are out there. I never seemed to find one. Maybe I was looking in all the wrong places. I'm happy you have a solid and enduring marriage.
Brenda