About Resolutions For The New Year
Are you one of those people who make resolutions for the new year? Do you wipe the slate clean and make promises to yourself?
I don’t think resolutions work. They’re not for me anyway.
But who knows? Maybe it works for you.
I tend to think that making New Year’s resolutions puts too much pressure on you.
As if that one day, the first day of the year, is a magical time. That it can give you the strength to hold onto all your promises to yourself. And fold your fingers down into a fist to keep that commitment safe.
The Goals You Strive For:
Lose weight, work out, take walks, no sugar, no carbs, etc. Resolutions run the gamut.
But as you’re making that commitment (and I’ve been there), a small part of you already feels the declaration of that promise waver. Just a little bit. Like letting a slight amount of air out of a balloon.
Setting Yourself Up For Failure:
Just the knowledge of that resolution seems to set a person up for failure.
I won’t make a promise to myself one day and reasonably think I can make it work the other 364 days of the year.
It’s really just a day in the chapter of your life. The first day of the year doesn’t mean that those goals must be set in stone.
Yes, I get it. I really do. The start of a new year fills you with the possibility of being stronger and more in control of your life. It is as good a time as any to put the measuring stick up to your willpower.
“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
Back when I thought resolutions on New Year’s were achievable, I felt alive with possibility. The promise to myself was like electricity flowing through my veins and energizing me.
Those Promises Failed:
But after about a week, whatever I’d promised myself began to slip. Then after a month it floated out to sea.
I’d feel a bit of anger at myself for not being strong enough to tough it out.
But after the anger passed, there was relief. I was no longer tethered to that pledge I made myself. The weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Those huge promises I made to myself weighed were just more than I could carry.
Self improvement is certainly a worthy goal to strive toward. Eating better. Taking better care of your body.
Bu it’s hard to keep that promise when you see the indulgences all around you.
And suddenly you find yourself desiring it so much it’s like having an itch you can’t scratch. It’s all-consuming. All you can think about.
The Visions:
There was a time when I wanted to stop eating meat, and that didn’t last.
In the beginning I had visions of a kitchen chock full of healthy foods. There would be beans or eggs or tofu as the protein for every meal.
And then I saw someone eating a burger and my mouth automatically began to water.
I couldn’t stop myself from visualizing that first bite of meat. Then the mustard that coated the toasted bun. And the crispness of the lettuce and onion and pickles.
“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ”
― Anaïs Nin
And so I let myself eat a burger.
I felt guilty later, after the burger was eaten. I told myself it was the last one. Until another situation came up where I was sorely tempted.
The Resolution That Didn’t Work:
And soon that resolution went up into the ether.
I realize that the pressure I put on myself with resolutions is just too much. Telling myself I could never again eat something that I enjoyed eating would not work.
The more attainable goal is how often I could eat it.
So what works for me is taking small steps toward something. Large strides are distances my feet simply can’t take me.
Because we’re human. And humans make mistakes.
The phrase “go big or go home” doesn’t have to apply to this type of situation.
After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
It started with one brick. And then another; hour after hour. Day after day. Until Rome began to take shape.
So start small with goals. Don’t go full tilt toward something that’s going to be hard enough to begin with.
No More Self Shaming:
Let’s have no more self shaming over resolutions that are just too big a promise to yourself.
The resolution should be to begin something.
Not to leap tall buildings in a single bound like Superman. Who, as we all know, was just a character in a story.
Researchers suggest that only 9% of Americans that make resolutions complete them. In fact, research goes on to show that 23% of people quit their resolution by the end of the first week. And 43% quit by the end of January.
“I’ve never had much luck with New Year’s resolutions. Last year I only lasted three days before realizing I couldn’t survive without junk food. And the year before that, when my sister and I promised not to argue anymore, we didn’t even make it to the end of my dad’s New Year’s Eve party. I’ll spare you the gory details, but fruit punch and guacamole were involved. So was dry cleaning.”
― James Ponti, Blue Moon
I don’t make resolutions either but when my friends from NC left to return home after Thanksgiving I decided to cut sugar, flour, and dairy from my diet. Went straight through Christmas and stuck to my guns, not one taste of any of those things. As long as it’s not in my house I’m safe because I don’t crave those things, but I will eat them if they’re here. Well, out of the blue my sweet friend Janet shows up out at the barn this morning to tell me she left a slice of banana bread and two turtles on my counter. What do you think I did? I had banana bread for breakfast, that’s what! I feel no remorse, it was a choice and I made it. Now back on the wagon, no harm done, nothing sweet in the house except those two turtles hiding in the bottom of the fridge. I do the best I can, but I don’t punish myself if I really want something. Like you said, too much pressure.
Hello & hai Brenda.
I’m Lina from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I’ve been reading your blog since 2010 ( i think from your house with big beautiful patio ) untill now. I loves your blog. Keep writing.
The other day on Instagram someone posted that this time of year is the worst time of year to make resolutions. They suggested continuing to stay cozy until Spring when new goals make more sense as it’s a time of rebirth. Another Instagram thing that I thought you’d find as funny as I do is that people are posting about whether or not they met their book reading goals this year and setting their goals for next year. That would be like needing to make a resolution to breathe for me!
The saying “how do you eat an elephant” One bite at a time” comes to mind. I think “real” change comes from baby steps leading up to a marathon. This is what I actually wrote for the New Year “Personal goal: “Do one thing a day!” and be kind and flexible with myself. No shaming allowed.’ And the one thing could simply be laundry or working on a puzzle. ANYTHING (as long as it’s away from a screen) counts.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I do a lot of journaling and reflecting instead, and think and meditate on positivity in all areas of my life. It’s also a good time to work on decluttering projects.
I stopped doing resolutions yrs ago . The last few yrs I did them mine was to be a better person than I was the year before. A few yrs ago I started picking a word for the yr. This year my word is Believe . I believe I’ll go farther in my health journey, I believe Ping, my rescue dog, will put all the potty outside , ect .
Happy New Year!! I believe it is different for each person. For me, I like the idea of a resolution; but not specifically on Jan 1. Also, I prefer to call them goals and not resolutions. When I am mentally “ready” to commit to a personal health goal such as more exercise, eating better, etc., I am much more likely to achieve it. That can happen on any day of the year. For me, baby steps work well. Almost everything takes practice and that is true for exercise and diets alike. If applicable, I start small and give myself lots of time and grace along the way.
I agree wholeheartedly about resolutions at the beginning of every year. It is a good time to look back and consider what you want to improve or change in your life but those things need to be done thoughtfully and carefully to insure that they are what you want to do (really) and there is a possibility of success. The little steps process is a good one … you can feel a sense of achievement without the constant heaviness of a “chore” you might really not want to do. Wishes for a blessed and peaceful New Year for you and Ivy.
Everything you’ve said about resolutions makes excellent sense to me.
I don’t make resolutions because I’ve learned that I won’t be successful. I feel that I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
Enjoy your day.
Happy New Year Brenda and Ivy, like you, no resolutions this year. I’ve never followed thru, but you have a great outlook…Live your life the best you can, that’s a great resolution. Looking forward to reading your blogs…..