When Life Hands You Lemons
Life hands everyone lemons from time to time.
I don’t think it’s something they deserve. Although when I was young, I think I did believe that.
Now it sometimes just seems like a cruel twist of fate.
I’d look at kids with parents and be envious. Sometimes I’d see those kids being mean and disrespectful to their parents. And I’d be angry with them.
“You have parents,” I’d sometimes say to them. “You should be grateful. Be nicer to them.”
They didn’t get it. They’d always had parents. It was something they took for granted.
They weren’t mature enough to see what it might be like to not have parents around 24/7. Ready to slay dragons for them.
As a child, I went through phases where I thought I’d done something wrong. That I somehow deserved the paucity of parental love.
From Fear To Anger:
Then when I was a teenager I was just plain angry. Angry at everybody and nobody. I went around with my teeth gritted to hold the anger in.
There was nothing anyone could say that would have subdued my anger. I just felt like I lost and I lost and I just kept on losing when my granny died.
I was a tree that refused to bend in the wind. The wind could try to blow me down and I’d hold on through a sheer force of will.
I did stupid things. Reckless things. Things that could have gotten me hurt or killed. But I don’t really think I cared at the time.
What more could life take from me I thought? Well, I’d later learn, as everyone does, a lot.
Now, as an adult, I see that it could have taken a hell of a lot more from me. But I just couldn’t see the forest for the trees yet.
That comes with time.
Then I went through a sort of dismal acceptance that came in the form of depression. It had always, for as long as I could remember, been stalking me. Hiding in the background.
But then it came out in full force.
It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I saw a psychiatrist and was prescribed anti-depressants.
And within about a month, life suddenly seemed to turn around for me. Or rather, my brain reacted to the drug.
When Things Changed:
The world around me looked more colorful. I found reasons to laugh and less reasons to be angry.
I suddenly felt like I had a reason to get up in the morning.
Little did I know that as the years and the decades pass, your outlook on things change.
Your education about how the world works change because you’ve been around the block a number of times.
I had quelled my “tempest in a teapot” attitude, but I’d never really figured out how to stand up for myself.
I hated confrontation of any kind. When someone was angry with me, I wilted like a plant under intense sun.
It wasn’t until after I turned 50 (I know, a little late to the party) that I fully roared back to life with a sword in my hand.
I’d had enough. A family, I realized, a union of husband and wife, wasn’t the answer when it was a truly awful relationship.
Focusing On Everyone But Yourself:
I didn’t deserve to bake under the glare of his sunlight. Try to hurriedly fix things before it made him angry.
It was sucking me dry. It was squeezing me from the inside out.
So I made drastic changes. I was terrified, but I kept on going until I was on my own.
My lemons were left behind in another state.
Let me reiterate so I don’t sound clueless at a pity party: Life hands everyone lemons from time to time.
But you learn that you shouldn’t focus on the lemons. The most important thing you can do is figure out what to do with them.
Life may sometimes hand you lemons.
But it also hands you brains so you have the ability to decide what to do with those lemons.
And it is then that you learn why a tree must bend in the wind to survive.
“The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.” ― Confucius
This post really hit home for me today. Thanks, Brenda.
Beautifully written.
This was such a great read today. I didn’t want it to end. Your writing speaks to me. You are such a strong woman and endured a lot. I so appreciate you sharing your life with us.
I think the older I get, Brenda, (pushing 80, now) the more I realize that everyone sooner or later has their lemons to figure out what to do with. I’ve been given quite a few in my life, but somehow have managed to go on and either make lemonade or put them in the compost! It’s a matter of choosing to move forward in the midst of despair and not stay mired in regret or anger or envy or depression. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to imply that it’s easy to go forward because it’s not. It takes an act of courage and will. And if your lucky, the help of those who care about you and the willingness to allow their love and support into your heart and soul. It takes enormous bravery. You have that bravery, Brenda–no question. It comes through in much of your writing and is evident in today’s post. Brava, brava, brava, Sister! Thanks for your openness and willingness to share your journey.
Loved this: “either make lemonade or put them in the compost!” Thanks Naomi!
Powerful post, Brenda!
Very well said. I don’t know of many (probably not any!) people that haven’t been “handed lemons” somehow in their life. Some people are hit harder than others, that’s for sure, but we don’t get to decide WHICH lemons that we’re going to be handed. Or how many. Just yesterday, I got in touch with a friend that I hadn’t talked to in about 8 years. Asked how he was doing. Turns out, he had gone through a divorce AND lost his home and all his belongings in a flood and was homeless for year. He’s back on his feet now, but holy moly.
That’s why we should always treat everyone we meet with kindness…as they say, you never know what someone is going through.
I’m sorry…
It is indeed a shame that some must learn such hard things when still so young, Brenda…you are to be commended really for all you have become!! My mom used to quote me that saying too…and its very true. I was very loved by my mom…but you see, I was born a woman…a fatal flaw to my dad really…tho as my mom used to tell me, that of all the females on earth he loved me most, as I was his own flesh and blood. It has taken years to figure out that he was quite mentally ill…I do think he loved me…but it was a limited love. And truly? I have NEVER EVER longed to relive my childhood. Though adult life has had lots of hard places too…and still does (isn’t that mostly what life is for most people?) at least there are some very good times not marred by abuse. I am grateful to be old now. Very. I wish I felt young…but ah, we cannot have it all, can we? You are blessed with writing well…thanks for sharing!!
What an inspiring post. Sharing your past with us not only shows what a wonderful and strong woman you are but, more importantly, it may be quite helpful to hear for anyone going through similar things at home, with friends, in the workplace…Sometimes we all need a reminder that everyone has struggles, no matter how “picture perfect” their lives might superficially appear, and that we are not alone in this world. We can make lemonade from our lemons w a little help from the outside (friends, family, community…) and pure grit and faith in ourselves. Have a lovely day Brenda:-)
After reading your blog today I saw a sign in Country Sampler that says “Don’t let the tall weeds cast shadows on the Beautiful Flowers in your Garden”…thought it was fitting for your thoughts today…blessings always💕
WOW Brenda…your words are awesome and so very touching today. You have turned around 360 degrees in your lifetime. You are an AMAZING young woman, and should be very proud of yourself! I know “we” all are!!!
Your photos today have feelings, the swing most of all.
Hugs from Wisconsin!
You’re a survivor. You have accomplished wonderful things. You’ve raised great women and overcome lots of obstacles. Creating this wonderful space proves your generosity and kind spirit. Hugs to you
Should have been peace not piece.
Very well put Brenda. I had a beautiful life until fifteen years into my marriage. I was then dealt the “lemons”. It was a very difficult time trying to keep the piece and feeling like I was not good enough. Finally after forty seven years of marriage God knew I had enough and couldn’t take it anymore and he took the “lemons” away.