I woke up in somewhat of a strange mood. It is an introspective morning and I’m looking both outward and inward.
Usually lighthearted, I am doing more soul searching today. For a few hours I’m taking off my rose-colored glasses.
Just thinking about things. And people. And those who have passed through my life.
It is sunny and cold outside. I’m already sick of cold weather. Nearly turns my stomach to look outside on my patio and see dead plants everywhere.
Looking Forward To Spring:
I am so full of energy and enthusiasm in the springtime. I am walking out on the patio every few hours to see if I see green emerging in the containers. As if a few hours means they will make real progress.
Spring is a joyous time for me. I am like a child at Christmas. My presents are all the plants that come back to greet me once again.
Mid-April I always head to Southwood Nursery to see the plants that have arrived. I am in heaven with a cart full of carefully chosen veggies and flowers and herbs. Happy as can be.
My Charlie Boy:
Today I’m feeling a little sad. Charlie isn’t looking so good. That is the barometer these days for me. He seems tired more despite the medicine.
I see Ivy flying all over the house like a bat on steroids, and it is such a contrast.
I remember when I first filled the Vetmedin for Charlie close to a month ago. Mary, who works at the front, said: “you just wait, dogs take this and they’re like puppies again.”
But that didn’t happen.
I watch him closely. I tend to every need I think he may have. I give him lots of love and I sing that made up song to him every night after I turn the lamp off.
I think of this time last year. Abi was here. Full of energy and fire. Bossing everyone around. For a full year, I guess I’ll look at every holiday and think: She was here then.
So I’ve got Christmas and New Years and Valentines Day and Easter and then May. And then the circle is complete.
End Of An Era:
I am typically a very upbeat person. I wake up each morning and look forward to the day. Of coming here to write to you.
This morning I woke up and turned on the TV while I stretched my limbs preparing to get up, and there was the late President Bush’s funeral about to be honored. It somehow seems like the end of an era in a way.
I didn’t vote for him. But still, that was a time of decorum. A time of manners and subtlety and kindness. In contrast to what’s going on today, it’s like night and day. I guess that too makes me feel a bit sad.
But I didn’t intend to sit down and start writing and bring you down. I never really lend credence to what kind of mood I’m in until I start writing.
I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. I have my home and my pets. My daughter and my grandson. And of course I have all of you. That is so important to me.
A Time Of Renewal:
In a few months I’ll have spring about to arrive and winter winding down and it will feel like a time of renewal. Flowers will be budding and blooming. I’ll be out there with my camera, as I always am, so delighted with my subject matter. In my element.
Even the happiest of people are allowed days of quiet and introspection. Of looking back and remembering.
You can’t bring the past back. You can’t reach into the universe and grab moments and set them back in front of you. You have to leave them where they belong, and that is of course behind you.
I grew up with holidays just being another day of the week. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve fallen more in line with that.
My kids are grown and my Santa days are over and now they are doing what I did then. The torch has been passed.
What My Granny Would Have Thought:
I think my Granny looked at holiday celebration and found much of it pure folly. She had lived a life guided by propriety. She didn’t smile a lot but didn’t complain. I didn’t understand then why she couldn’t show more excitement for my sake.
But now, as an older woman myself, I see that she had lived her life according to the dictates of what she felt was proper and necessary. She would not have understood much of anything about the world today.
I’ll watch the commercials showing new gadgets that magically and by some internalized computer switch off the lights and set the alarm, and think: That’s all well and good, but why?
I understand that businesses make money on the newest and the most technologically evolved inventions. That lots of people want to buy the newest and the best and the most forward thinking contraptions for their loved ones at Christmastime.
Businesses market the things that make life easier and that is what most people want in this busy world.
But I look at it through my Granny’s eyes and think: Why on earth do we need that? There are children starving in this world and animals waiting to be rescued. And this is somehow supposed to float my boat?
I don’t know. It just seems foolish. Said by this cranky old woman who sees things happening too fast. You know you’re getting old when new things confound you.
But no matter what they manage to invent, some things will always be the same. The seasons will change. The sun will rise and set. Nature will continue to inspire and delight us.
Do Unto Others:
I have to think that most people will be good people and helpful to others, regardless of what is going on in the world. That the ones who seem to have lost sight of the “do unto others” mentality will find it again.
I will get up every morning just like my Granny did and look around to see what needs to be done.
Every time I get up, Charlie will follow me to make sure I’m not intending to go anywhere. At least without him.
Just like Abi did.
She was the “mama watcher” then. The torch has been passed to Charlie.
Life goes on. Just as it always has. As it should.