A Surprise Letter & Visitor From My Past
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On Saturday, Kasi came for lunch and brought in the mail, which contained a surprise letter written by a visitor from my past—an actual handwritten letter. We were friends growing up and hadn’t been in contact in at least 50 years.
After Kasi and I ate lunch, I sat down to read it. Rhonda said she came here last week and knocked on my door, but I guess I didn’t hear it.
My front door does not get knocked on very often, and I tend to think it’s someone making a delivery.
Rhonda said her mother came across a poem I wrote long ago, which made her think of me. So, being in the computer age—something we never conceived of when we were kids—she started Googling my name. And she found me.
I called the phone number she wrote in the letter. And before I knew it, Rhonda was here, knocking on my door again. We had a good time reminiscing. There were a lot of years to cover. We were young then; now we’re old ladies and couldn’t possibly cover all the terrain.
She said she worked in Tulsa for 45 years and retired to a small town about 20 minutes from me. So close and yet so far.
Oddly enough, we have the same female internist/gerontologist. Of all the doctors we could see in this region, we’re seeing the very same one.
Calling An Old Friend
I can’t recall many people’s faces from back then. But right away, I recognized her from her teenage years. I quickly saw that friend I knew some fifty-odd years back—a young girl with long, coltish legs and straight coppery hair.
I can’t remember much about myself back then, much less anyone else. I might recall their names, but their faces are usually blurry, because I haven’t kept in touch with people. I’m a hermit of sorts.
Other than writing this blog, I have tended to stand in the shadows because I always felt more comfortable there.
I’m not the type to keep yearbooks or memorabilia. I threw all my old articles and letters in the trash long ago, because I travel light in that way. Rhonda has kept everything, and she sent me an image of what I wrote in one of her yearbooks.
Who was that girl I used to be? I don’t remember her, even though I walked in her shoes. Rhonda says she’ll bring those yearbooks when she visits me again on Tuesday.
Miles Reflected In The Rearview Mirror
Neither of us graduated from high school in that little “bus stop of a town.” Her parents moved away, and I drifted to other places.
There are miles in the rearview mirror for both of us. Those paths we followed in the tapestry of our lives, now in that place where cobwebs make everything indistinct.
I don’t remember much about long ago, though I see glimpses occasionally. This is because I tend to forget rather than remember.
Rhonda said she lives in an old house much like Mamie. Her parents moved her around a lot growing up, so she decided to point to a place on the map and stay there. Time has not shifted underneath her feet.
She had the good sense not to marry, and I wish I could say the same. I kept trying to be the marrying type, three times to be exact. But I wasn’t good at living with someone and sharing a life. And now I don’t know why I even tried, because trying to be someone I’m not was futile.
An Old W.C. Fields Quote:
There’s that saying, “If you don’t succeed, try, try again.” But the one I like even better is by W.C. Fields. He said, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
I wholeheartedly agree with the man.
Yet I kept trying until I was a damn fool about it, banging my head against the wall like a fly that can’t find its way back outside.
Meeting someone from long ago is like opening a book and unexpectedly finding their face, like a bookmark, pressed between the pages. There’s a flicker of a memory, but it’s faded.
You look into that other person’s face, trying to remember who they were to you then.
Benjamin Franklin said that lost time is never found again. Life is short, passing by faster and faster until it’s just a blur. And you know you’ve got less time ahead of you than all the years you have behind you.
Time is that old friend that got gray and wrinkled and somewhat unrecognizable.
Rhonda remembers things that I don’t. Those memories might be knocking around in my head somewhere, but they won’t settle long enough for me to pin them down. So I’ll have to rely on her memory to take me down that road.
In between, we’ve both had children. I had two girls, and she had a son. She went one way, and I went the other. With our years flowing down streams and tributaries, we’ve polished many river rocks, creating families and becoming who we are now.
I’ve Never Collected Many Friends
I’ve never been the type to collect and carry friends along with me through life.
I have always been better at living a solitary life. Even counting those years of being married and knocking my head against the wall till it bled.
Rhonda has put down deep roots. She’s lived in the same house since 1998 and has cultivated a large circle of friends.
The Passing Of Time
Days become weeks, and weeks become months. After twelve of those, they turn into years.
Over time, physical realities and spatial memory shape our understanding of the world and our place within it.
Based on research and theories about personality, people tend to maintain a degree of consistency in their core personality traits.
So, although we’re different after all these years, we’re still very much the same people we were then.
Rhonda is looking up old friends. She says she wishes she’d kept up with the people we knew way back when.
I’m the vagabond carrying one suitcase holding everything with room to spare. I’m too busy looking ahead to look behind me very often.
But I’m happy my old friend came looking for me. I probably needed to step away from the shadows into the light.
“How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” ~ Dr. Seuss
nd now
I’ve moved around a lot because of my husband’s career. We’ve lived in some pretty amazing places. When we retired we came back to my home town since I still had siblings here. I did early on get together with a few old friends, but we did not click. I have a very clear memory of being young. It was nice to see each other but there was not enough to keep these friendships alive. One in particular I was so very disappointed in. We had kept in touch through Christmas cards and such for many years, so I thought we would just pick up where we left off. Her life had changed drastically . Recently divorced from her cheating husband of many years. I could tell from the first few times we got together this was not going to work out and I was very sad about that. I know its not because I was judging her as I’m not that kind of friend. She told another friend, that we just drifted apart….well no she wasn’t interested in continuing our friendship and that is the truth of the matter. We had been friends for 45 years. So now, I’ve let go of old and embrace the new. It sounds like things will work out for you and your old friend. I’m happy for you.
Darn… I just wrote a long, heartfelt response, and before I could send it, it disappeared. I’m responding from my phone. I can’t recall it back! Basically, I said I’m so happy for you reconnecting with an old friend and hope you can enjoy the relationship at your own pace. And while your marriages weren’t happy, you got two wonderful daughters out of it. I’m sure you can’t imagine your life without them. I said a lot more, but I’ll just stop and try to post it before it goes away again. I loved this post!
What a wonderful story! I’m so glad you reconnected with someone from high school days. I’m still very close friends with my First Best Friend. We met when we were just 5 years old and lived across the street from each other. We also ended up having very different lives. We lost touch in our 20’s – 30’s…I got married young and had kids; she stayed single for awhile and was into the party scene, then got married and quickly divorced. We ended up reconnecting in our late 30’s. And she adopted a baby later in life because she always wanted to be a mom. Here we are the same age (63) and her son is only 17, while mine are 37 (Philip…forever 21, RIP) and 34. She lives in Chicago and I’m in the suburbs, but we see each other a few times a year.
Brenda, This is so enjoyable to read, the lovely photos, interesting sayings. Nice you had a visit from an old friend and thank you for sharing it with us. Now I’m thinking back also. We still get together once a year or so with some old classmates of mine. We’ve living in the same town our entire lives my husband and I. The same home since we were married. Maybe staying in one place you remember just a little more from the past. But it does pass by in a blur.
What a lovely post! I wanted to continue reading.
Brenda,
BEAUTIFUL photos, especially of the moon! Is that the “strawberry moon?”
What a beautiful post. I have always thought you should write a book, you write beautifully. I would be the first to buy it.
It’s funny meeting people from our past.
I am like you a hermit. I have every 2 years as a child and have moved a lot as an adult, I have 3 great friends and they are all from my adult life. None from school.
I hope that you enjoy your visits from your friend.
Have a beautiful week, stay cool.
Relationships are strange things, though they can be very lovely too. Amazing she could even find you as she did…glad you enjoyed the encounter and hope it will be a good thing in years to come. Living in one place can contribute to stronger ties to another…but we have moved a lot in our married life. I was always more happy to keep contact than most who were close at one point…I have found most people feel that “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” as the old song goes. Not bad people, just with a different set of goals and ideas. You know, if you do not keep contact during moves, you indeed could end up living so closeby and not knowing. About 3 years ago now, a friend I met when I was 5 and she was 4, looked me up again. It had been years. I will give a lot of slack to others but eventually a one-way street…well, who has the time for such. There are a lot of odd/strange connections in life I have found…my friend may have been curious or even maybe trying to learn what she could for one of my brothers…time may tell I suppose (both of brothers wrote me off years ago…strange things happen with inheritances I have found…both brothers getting way more than I was allowed…hmmm…tho’ I have not complained nor said a word to them about that)…some of us could write books, and not need to make up a thing…I hope this friend will be a very good thing for you!! I do understand the kind of “living as a hermit” tho too…
Brenda, thank you for sharing this post. I was just looking through a real old journal of mine, and I just put it down, to read your mail. How funny we both, in different ways, just went back in time, you with a friend, me with written words about friends and times.
I often wonder too, where has the time gone. I remember most things, but there are those I am wondering “really, when did that take place”? So very nice to you had the chance to re-connect with a good friend and good memories. Hopefully you will get together again soon. Have a good week.
Brenda, I loved reading this post. The more I read what youve written the more I like you and can’t wait for your next episode in life, Thank you for sharing.
Quel joli texte nostalgique…
Merci Brenda !
I’ve met again people from my young years after many years apart and the feelings vary from person to person. Sometimes it’s like we’ve never been apart and the conversation continues like we were together yesterday. Other times it’s weird and awkward. I guess it must depend on how close we were to the person and how much of our true selves we shared. All in all, it’s always interesting. Glad you have this chance to renew your long ago friendship.
Beautiful, bittersweet post.
Sometimes it is hard to look back. Sometimes I miss the person I used to be.
There is some comfort in knowing I’m not alone in that.
Loved this post. The pictures are all gorgeous