The Family (Warts & All)
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Today is all about the family. And yes, warts and all. What we’re like and how we relate to the world. Home is where you go to hang your hat, I’ve always said. And family is home.
Kasi:
My daughter always loved jokes. Kasi used to carry joke books around with her when she was a kid. She idolized Ellen Degeneres. And she just about drove us nuts following us around and reading jokes out loud.
Obviously she likes to laugh. She’s a little more fragile than her sister. She is kind and good.
Kasi’s strength is in numbers, because, as she says: “You know they’ll never change.” She’s the kind of person who always follows rules and colors inside the lines.
She has managed what the rest of us have not. She and Ross have been married for 22 years and counting. They complement one another and love their boy.
Kasi is four years younger than Kendra. They are half-sisters, but that does not lesson the strength of their relationship.
These two are there for one another when it counts the most. This was what sustained them when they took care of their dad while he was dying of cancer back in March. They held one another up and grieved together when it was time to say goodbye.
I married their dad when I was 20. He had previously been my college instructor. His was a small family with just his younger brother and mother. They embraced Kendra immediately and he adopted her right away.
She was already quite the entertainer since she was a toddler. My mother-in-law was a college professor. She used to take Kendra to class with her to show her off. Kendra was my mother-in-law’s first grandchild and she was doted upon.
Kendra:
This one is a storyteller. No matter what calamity she’s describing, everyone laughs with delight. She is fearless with what comes out of her mouth. She says want she thinks and dares anyone to challenge her. She’s fearless in most endeavors.
I admire her for her audacity and her boldness and her wit. She is one of those people who is comfortable in their own skin.
Kendra is immensely creative with renovating houses. She started out many years ago selling them. Then she began fixing them up to flip and sell them for a profit. Investors pay her to remodel their properties because she has a keen eye for design.
She will strip a house down to the studs. I think of her as the “house whisperer”. Because I think these houses somehow tell her what they need to shine once again.
Kendra and I share a love of old houses. We love the architecture and the small details. If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll find an old house to love.
Me:
I am like the flower growing in a crack in the sidewalk. I’m a little rough around the edges. I don’t really have a filter, or if I did I wore it out early. It seems like my thoughts spill out before they’ve traveled through the left hemisphere of my brain.
It’s like some people like their coffee black, and some just add coffee to their cream and sugar. I think that you either really like me or you really don’t.
We’re three women, mother and daughters, and we’re all different but with the same blood flowing through our veins. Kendra is more like me. However, she’s an extrovert and I am not.
Kasi is quiet and reads books and likes routine. We share the love of reading. And she is more of an introverted person who doesn’t want to be in the limelight.
Andrew:
I don’t share this much, but my youngest grandson Andrew is autistic and has ADHD. He began fifth grade in August and got kicked out on the second day. I don’t think he was born with any filters at all, that poor child.
There was unfortunately autism on both sides of the family, and the heredity dart flew straight to him.
He has trouble controlling his emotions, his anger, and his aggression. If you mess with him he’s going to react. A few summers ago, he got kicked out of three different summer camps because he tends to run away. He sees his world through eyes that don’t quite know how to relate to the world.
And bless his heart, he works hard for every single accomplishment, no matter how big or small. There is a form of therapy where they attempt to show him how to “retrain his brain.” How to be around others. Look them in the eye. Understand how they feel and react accordingly. And to rein in his aggressive tendencies.
Kasi obviously has her battles to fight. Andrew’s dad is his hero and takes him fishing almost every single day. Because that’s what Andrew loves. To be near the water where the fish glide underneath the surface. This seems to calm him. It is his soft place to land.
More than anything, kids just want to be like other kids and not feel different.
Sometimes the kids at school call him a “retard”. That’s just how kids are. They can be cruel. And I know it hurts him. My heart aches for this child.
Riley:
Riley is quiet and sensitive. Tender and sweet. He loves movies with sub-titles. And books. He studies his coursework in college like his life depends on it.
His anxiety is sometimes a bit crippling, but he always manages to rise to the occasion. Riley has a girlfriend in another state. They take turns visiting one another while they attend different colleges. He’s thinking about getting a Master’s degree. Maybe go to law school. He will be 21 in December.
Riley is so tall he looks down on the rest of us. (His mother is about 5’1 or 2′. Kasi and I are around 5’5.) He and Marley are five years apart, but they are very close siblings.
This year Riley lives in a new studio apartment. Last year he shared a place with someone from another country, and I don’t think he knew how to relate to him very well.
So this is a better scenario for him while in college. To live by himself, study where it’s quiet, and be able to gaze down at the town’s infamous duck pond from his window.
Marley:
Marley is a sweetheart. She is the sun to Riley’s moon and my only granddaughter. She likes to make crafts and grow flowers (I’m proud to say I finally have a gardener). Marley has many layers, and if you peel them back, you will see that she’s decent and kind. She roots for the underdog.
She and Riley have always been close. Marley sewed a quilt for him to take to college his first year away from home.
Their grandparents told them to choose their dream car. And when they did, that dream car was there waiting for them before they even turned 16. Marley has a brand new baby blue Bronco waiting for her when she turns 16 in December. Riley chose a black Mustang.
My Little Family:
Andrew and Marley and Riley are my only grandchildren. They have their problems and they have their strengths. Like all of us.
These are my people. We’re a small group. We love one another. And we have our warts like everybody else.
Ivy:
And I must add Ivy! She’s my favorite companion and best buddy.
Ivy “talks” to me now. She meows and I ask her a question and she replies with another meow and so it goes until I figure out what she wants and get up and give it to her. (Usually food of course).
All of you are my other family, I’m proud to say. You’ve stuck with me through thick and thin. Good times and bad. I’m lucky to have you.
Another great post! Thank you for taking the time to write this blog. I really appreciate it. You have such a gift of writing! And I loved seeing your family!
I look forward to your posts each day! I loved this post so much!
Brenda, What a wonderful post. I love hearing about your sweet family and strong bond you have with one another. I feel like I almost know each and every one of them. I am raising two great grandsons (ages 12 and 14). My 14 year old is mildly autistic and so talented, smart and sweet. My 12 year old is talented in so many areas. He loves to cook with me garden with me and rearrange the furniture and decorate with me. My husband and I adopted their mother when she was five. She was my first grandchild. We also adopted her sister and brother, (ages 2 and 3 at the time).
Thank you for sharing your family with us. I feel privileged. Blessings to you and yours. Sandra
Like a lot of people, I consider my dog my child. She’s part of the family. When someone ask me what kind of dog she is , I always respond “she’s a mixed blessing” instead of a Heinz 57. I think of a child that most people would consider not normal as a mixed blessing. They bring so much to our lives and see things differently but not necessarily in a bad way. We learn from them too. You have a lovely family !
Very interesting post! You have a lovely family and made them real to your readers. I hope they understand and are ok with your honesty! You have a great talent of description. And design and so much more. I hope you land where you find the things you love.
Brenda, I love learning more about your family. I have not seen photos of your grandchildren for many years and they are growing leaps and bounds.
Your daughters are beautiful just like you.
Happy to be a part of your family!
xo
You have a beautiful family Brenda. Your girls are amazing. Thanks for sharing them with us. Your last line brought a tear to my eye. I’m so happy I found you one day a long time ago doing a random internet search!
I’m so glad you did too!
What an incredible family. Thanks for sharing. You’re blessed!
I truly am. And I’m grateful for each one of them.
Oh this was a delightful read. Such fun hearing about the family, especially the grandkids and what they are up to. Your girls are amazing, both forging their paths through life. You are a lucky lady❣️
Yes, I’m fortunate.
You have a beautiful family. We humans are all different from each other. Fishing is a great sport. Your description of Andrew, reads that he is a great child, who is learning about our big world and Universe and finding his place in it. Our country had at least one President with the first name Andrew. Children have cruel and mean speach to each other and adults do to. We must all learn to temper our anger and not talk to another in a hateful speach over small troubles.
Children maybe hear this mean type of language from their parents. Or maybe that’s just the way kids are before they mature some and realize how hurtful it is.
I remember you telling us a little bit about Andrew in the past. My heart breaks for how he is treated and how hard this must be for his parents. I have a cousin who has two autistic boys. They are 12 and 15 now. The 12 year old is totally non-verbal and goes to a special school. The 15 year old is mildly autistic and goes to high school, but has extra help there. If Andrew was kicked out of school, what do his parents do for his schooling? Is there a special school or program for him? I sure hope so.
Right now he’s in a mental health type facility because they have guards in place to keep him from running away as well as a medical staff. They have school there for 4 or so hours a day with just a handful of students. Regular school rooms these days have 30-35 kids and he just can’t handle that. But they won’t let him stay in the special education room all the time at regular school, which is what he needs. There are very few places for kids like Andrew in this state. And the few there are won’t take him because of his tendency to run away. That is a liability for them. However he can’t stay where he is for more than about 4 months. There is a long line of kids waiting to be placed there.
Yes, these are the best posts! I love hearing about you, and your family! You have a wonderful family! Thank you for sharing them with us! You are blessed!!!
Yes. I truly am!
I love reading your blog. I have been reading your stories ever since you were married the last time. I have ofen thought about writing my about my life but I’m just not a writer. I’m just a wild and crazy gal! Fly by my shirt tail. I was born in TN but grew up in VA. Hope you find your forever home soon. Good luck. Thanks for writing.
You have a nice family, Brenda…nice writeup on you all!! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for posting this today, Brenda. What a very lovely (I am serious) post . It just made my day, hearing about your family. This is a very precious part of your life to share with all of us. Thank you again!
Lovely to “meet” your family, my favourite post of yours. We are lucky to have you Brenda.Your daughters a very accomplished. I can’t believe Andrew gets kicked out of classes and summer camp. I’m in Australia so different system. Is there no assistance for him at school, a one on one assistant?
I’m so grateful for our two children and our three grandchildren. Our kids won’t have anything to do with one another, which is very hard on this mother’s heart, but it’s their problem to solve. Neither my husband or I have much to do with our extended families. He has 9 living siblings (another sister passed away a couple years ago), his mom is dead, and his father lives several states away. Most of them have nothing to do with him as he walked out on them many years ago. I have 2 much older brothers but found out a year ago that they and our mom have said terrible things about me for years. Our dad passed away several years ago and I miss him so. But life goes on.
I’ve come to realize that it’s probably a good thing that I don’t know my extended family. Look at all the problems it causes.
Just wanted to say you are not alone, in the extended family issues!! My brothers wrote me off a lot of years ago…and my husband’s only sister is a piece of work…she will bring sadness of one sort or another…now we live a continent away…it is peaceful this way. Sad though.
I’d like to know who has a “perfect” family? LOL! I don’t have any children or grandchildren, but tons of nieces, nephews, great-nephews and great nieces, and even great-great nieces and great-great nephews. Geez, makes me feel old at 73, yuck! Your grandchildren are lovely. And of course, my nieces, nephews, their offspring, and their offsprings’ offspring, are all perfect and gorgeous and I love them all dearly although they drive me nuts sometimes. Let’s hope we can leave them with a world they want to inherit – or if they don’t, that they can make it better than we did.
I completely agree with that last statement!
You have a beautiful family and I love reading about them all!
Thank you. There’s nothing over the top about any of us. We’re just plain folk.
I really enjoyed reading about your beautiful family. I have two children three grandchildren, and one great grandson. My great grandson is 4 yrs old and he is autistic. He is brilliant and his teachers are amazed at what he knows. I pray that he will be able to cope with this cruel world we live in.
Yes, it can be a cruel world when you’re “different.”
Lovely family, Brenda. They have grown so much. Handsome grandsons and beautiful granddaughter. Enjoy them!!!
Those photos are dated. But they were all I had. I love to look at them at different stages in their growing up.
Thank you for sharing your family with us. They all are beautiful. We all have our warts but that just makes us special! My daughter has Aspbergers, she’s a genius but has problems in social settings. She works very hard to try to fit in. It’s taken her years but she does fairly well. I wouldn’t change anything about her!
Your family sounds wonderful. I. sure they always give you something to smile about!
I like to think of autism as “special” instead of different. I think each individual child is special in their own way.
Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed seeing your family. Aren’t we lucky to have our families, warts and all? Would trade them for the world!
Nope! Wouldn’t trade them for the world. Warts and all.