It is dim and gray outside this morning. I just got back from taking a sack of trash down to the corner dumpster. It’s better to get out before the sun starts bearing down.
It rained again late yesterday afternoon. So strange. It will be sunny and nice and then suddenly out of nowhere there’s thunder and dark skies. And the rain comes pouring down with a vengeance.
I’ve wondered for months where my cardinal couple went off to. They’ve been here the five years I’ve lived here and then suddenly they were gone.
I miss the bright red male perching up in the tree and the more sedate colored female hopping along behind him.
I added that little solar fountain to the bird bath hoping I could encourage them to come back. I’ve always heard that the sound of water attracts birds.
This morning I was laying in bed thinking about loss. And how, if time didn’t dim our memories, we would stay stuck in place. Completely immersed in grief and unable to wade out of it.
I just keep propping poor Charlie up and hoping every day I can keep him going awhile longer. Yesterday he was coughing so and I’d done all I knew to do. I started crying and found myself saying: “I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do.”
I try very hard not to let him see me cry. So I pulled myself out of it fast.
Just over a year ago I lost Abi, and I can still hardly even think of her without breaking down.
So I just try to keep Charlie comfortable and give him his medicine and try to hang on to the fact that today is all that we have.
Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. We have today. And if we don’t make the most of it, then we’re not truly living.
It took me years to learn that. But now that I have, just thinking those words snaps me back into reality. Because if you don’t enjoy what you have right now this very minute, you will regret it later.
Pets can’t verbalize their pain. So you do the best you can and hope it’s enough.
I’m debating even planting vegetables next year. Every April I get all excited and think of having fresh veggies in meals and feel so hopeful. But this year has been a bust in that department.
So unless I figure out a whole different type of raised bed that is off the ground, I might not bother with vegetables next year.
Some of you mention getting something to shade overhead. Maybe next year I’ll look into it. Off season when the prices are lower.
I think the plants I moved over to the French doors will do much better. Plus when you gather them closely together, they create their own little rain forest. The humidity rises up off each plant and benefits them all.
Just make sure to give each individual pot room to breathe.
On the other hand herbs are hardy plants for the most part. Look at all the basil that has cropped up through the cement cracks and in various pots on my patio.
If I’m feeling a bit down, I can just go out to the patio and rub the leaves of my herbs to release their potent individual scent. That immediately makes me feel better.
The mint and lemon balm that is now at least a foot tall and growing out of tiny cracks in the cement amazes me. Virtually maintenance free plants.
Other nearly maintenance free plants are ornamental grasses, and the show they put on is certainly worth it.
Last night I watched another episode of Bloodline. Nolan’s mother is making the rounds trying to get money out of Danny’s family.
Sally the matriarch is starting to lose it a bit. Loss is getting to her and having Nolan and his mother around is chipping at her nerves.
John is putting out one fire Danny left behind only to have another crop up right behind him.
But then that’s how lies are. One little crack in the surface ultimately causes another crack to form. It’s like unraveling a thread.
Then I started reading another book. I like to end my evening before sleep reading. It’s calming and readies me for sleep.