It’s now been one month since Gracie died.
Last night I lay in bed and went through my catalog of memories of her, trying to permanently etch them into my mind.
I went over the cute little things she did that brought me such joy.
And then the heaviness of loss sends me tumbling down the rabbit hole of grief all over again.
“No one can truly understand the bond that we form with the cats we love until they experience the loss of one.“
Memories Of Gracie:
Like when she’d put her little head in the palm of my hand and rub against it. I’d be so happy just cradling her head and enjoying the warmth of this sweet baby.
The best times with Gracie were at night when she’d curl up next to me and sleep while I read a book. I’d keep looking over at her, so happy she’d made her way into my life.
During the night she’d often wake me up by walking over my face and head. She’d decide she wanted to play at 3 a.m. And I’d always wake up for her so she wouldn’t feel alone.
That little kitten was the sun and moon and stars to me. She was a bright, bright light in my life and she lit up every room she wandered into.
Gracie seemed to know that I was her mama from day one. She looked at me with her bright blue eyes that said “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”
And I wanted her for all time.
I was just so grateful to have her be a part of our little family.
“Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.”
– W.S. Merwin
Was She Sick & I Didn’t Know It:
If she was sick I didn’t pick up on it. Or sense anything wrong except for the day when I took her to the pet ER several weeks before.
They filled her with fluids and sent her home. And I thought she would be okay. That the scare of losing her was over.
You see, I was her mama and I feel like I should have known something was amiss. I feel like I let her down somehow.
People can tell me the opposite till the end of time, but I can’t let go of that feeling.
I’m so sad that that bright light has been extinguished. I just hope it glows somewhere else.
For I can’t bear the idea that she just went away like a puff of smoke and disappeared altogether.
The memories I have of her are that she brought exquisite joy into my life.
She was like a kite whose string slipped from my hands and floated up into the sky.
My little Gracie Mae, you had such a short life. You were gone way too soon.
Sleep, my little darling, and maybe one day we’ll be together again.
Gracie Mae Pruitt: 2021-2022