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  1. Amazing post today Brenda. Lots to think about. Couldn’t agree with you more. This past Christmas my daughter who lives quite a distance from me, told me she was making something quick for Christmas dinner instead of the tedious conventional turkey dinner. As she works full time like a lot of young moms she wanted more time to just relax with the kids and play with their new games. I told her this was a terrific idea and after the fact she was very happy on her choice. When my kids were young, I never saw this as an option as sad as that sounds….very proud of my daughter.

  2. My mother hated funerals. When she was a little girl her father made her kiss her deceased grandmother’s face. She was horrified by this and didn’t want to do it, but my grandfather forced her. She had nightmares for years. She told us that when she died she did not want a funeral. We honored her wishes, but there were people who didn’t get it.

  3. Condolences to your daughters, may they find peace and healing.

    Yes, making our own choices bolsters our confidence and self-worth and there is nothing wrong in making new traditions which does not automatically mean we are going against expected traditions. Oftentimes the change we choose is what is best for us and fuels our continued growth through life, regardless of our age.

    I will say that I know of no one who likes funerals but I remind myself that while it may be a very nice celebration of life, it is also an opportunity for the living to accept their grief and know it is ok for their healing to progress, allowing for closure as needed. There is no wrong or right, there is what is best for each of us as well as what is best for those we care about.

  4. There is no such thing as a perfect woman, although we who were raised in the 1950s and 1960s were taught that was so – or at least something to strive for. Our “models” were Donna Reed (as Donna Stone on her TV show), Jane Wyatt as the mom on “Father Knows Best,” and Barbara Billingsley as the mom on “Leave It to Beaver.” Even back then I thought there was something very wrong with those shows. None of those moms worked outside the home like my mom did in order for she and my dad to feed six of us and keep those ugly old rental flat roofs over our heads. My mom never wore a fancy dress and pearls when cooking, her hair was usually a mess and her apron was usually dirty. Dads also never cooked in those shows, although my dad did – he actually was a better cook than mom. There was never any hint of financial struggle in those TV households, no used furniture or four daughters sharing one bedroom on two sets of second hand bunk-beds. Some of us learned early that what was on television and what was real life were worlds apart. Beaver’s dad may have told him that he would have to stand up tall, be proud of himself and work hard for what he wanted in life, but would he have told that to his daughters if he’d had any on that show? Probably not. And to think so many people still want the 1950s to be the model of living for women these days. Oh my.

  5. We have avoided funerals if we could. We neither one have ever felt comforted by such…maybe some do. I think we honor our parents by however we live our day-to-day lives. Not a short little service. Any rate, our kids all know we do NOT want any kind of service ourselves. And to be quickly put into the ground. And for them to do however it comforts them.

    1. I love this post! Thank you ever so much. Sometimes the things we grew up with …our thoughts or expectations of life, as well as others’ expectations of the what is supposedly “the norm”, (or maybe not norm) can make us feel inadequate; although, not being of our choice or how life turned out for us as adults. :0)… ! We can just be the best person we think we can be and try to be happy! That is who we must live with and its between us and God above who gets it. :0)

  6. Wonderful post. I agree with you whole heartedly and you’ve expressed my beliefs so much better than I could. My sympathy to your daughters.

  7. I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments and thoughts, Brenda!

  8. Continued prayers for you and your family at this time. Grief means you had love. I so agree with your thoughts today. Take time to take care of yourself.

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