What Happens After Leaving a Domestic Violence Situation?
This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase through links on my site, I may earn a commission at no cost to you. For more information, please see my disclosure policy.
What happens after someone leaves a domestic violence situation? Once they sever the emotional bond with the person who abused them, they will have to figure out the next step.
How do they begin to heal?
Legal struggles will likely follow.
The victim must find a way to move forward.
And then what?
How Domestic Violence Affects the Brain:
Abuse physically and chemically alters the brain, affecting function and the body’s stress response. This may lead to long-term chronic conditions.
This dysregulated state often makes it nearly impossible for them to manage intense emotions. They have great difficulty in making decisions.
However, just as trauma can negatively rewrite an individual’s brain, effective therapy can certainly help mitigate these factors.
It can take time for an individual to begin feeling safe once they are away from their abuser. Especially if the perpetrator was controlling and violent.
The effects of this type of trauma will vary from person to person depending on various factors. Such as age, stress, frequency, and severity of abuse.
Possible Effects of Trauma:
- Depression
- Prolonged sadness
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Drug abuse
- Alcohol abuse
- Constantly questioning yourself
- Flashbacks
- Suicidal thoughts or attempts
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
The body holds the unfinished stress energy in its tissues and muscles. So there’s that to deal with too.
What is a Trauma Bond?
A trauma bond occurs when a person develops a deep and unhealthy bond with their abuser. This occurs because of the recurring cycle of abuse, power imbalance, and unpredictability.
If a victim breaks the trauma bond, they must find a way to begin dissociating their emotions and feelings from their abuser.
This explains why a victim of abuse may return to their abuser, despite the physical and emotional consequences. It also explains why she stays much longer than she should.
Once the victim has successfully left the relationship and is in a safe environment, they will still have to process all these emotions.
What is PTSD?
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that some people develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Domestic abuse is one such trauma that can cause PTSD.
A domestic violence victim will have to find a way to deal with the psychological consequences.
When trauma is not processed properly, it may remain in the subconscious and cause severe psychological problems that inhibit a person’s day-to-day life.
Almost two-thirds of domestic abuse survivors go on to experience PTSD.
Key Structural and Functional Brain Changes:
- Amygdala Hyperactivity: The brain’s emotional alarm system becomes over-sensitized, making the survivor constantly scan for danger, feel hypervigilant, or react intensely to neutral situations.
- Prefrontal Cortex Weakening: The region responsible for logical thinking, impulse control, and emotional regulation shrinks or becomes less active, making it harder to calm down or process stress.
- Hippocampus Shrinkage: The area that helps process and store memories, distinguishing past trauma from present safety, loses volume. This contributes to flashbacks, memory gaps, and difficulty learning.
- Physical Brain Injury: Repeated blows to the head or strangulation can cause hypoxic, anoxic, or traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), slowing down processing speed and executive functioning.
Healing takes time and looks different for everyone. Some may try therapy or meditation to help with the flood of emotions they will be left with.
There will be regret and self-recriminations. Blame to process. And the finality of letting go.
Unwanted and Intrusive Memories
When memories seem to turn against us, they can be traumatic, especially when they are memories we’re trying to forget. These intrusive memories may look like the following symptoms:
- Reliving traumatic events over and over or having flashbacks of the event
- Recurring memories of the event while waking or sleeping
- Upsetting nightmares
- Physical and/or emotional distress triggered by sights, sounds, and even smells that remind you of the traumatic event
Avoidance
Avoidance is a common reaction to trauma but can become problematic. If it’s the main method of coping, it can interfere with your ability to heal after trauma.
These are some of the symptoms of avoidance:
- Resisting thoughts or conversations about the traumatic event
- Avoiding people, places, or acts that remind you of the event
Trauma Anniversaries
It is normal for people who have experienced trauma to be upset or on edge on the anniversary of an event. It is when these reactions are severe or extreme that it indicates a deeper potential problem, such as PTSD.
They will feel the date that’s coming up. They dread it and fear it, and wish they could move past it or sleep through it. Their body may stiffen up in response to the upcoming anniversary.
Changes in Physical and Emotional Reactions
The changes in physical and emotional reactions are sometimes referred to as arousal symptoms. These symptoms emerge in reaction to the trauma:
- Become easily startled
- Constantly vigilant for danger
- Unable to sleep
- An inability to concentrate
- Irritability
- Anger, aggression
- Guilt and shame
Years of emotional abuse permanently alter a person’s mental, emotional, and physical health. It changes how the brain processes safety, identity, and future relationships.
Possible Long-Term Effects:
Mental and Emotional Health
- Depression and Anxiety: Persistent feelings of worthlessness, chronic worry, and clinical depression.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Flashbacks, nightmares, severe emotional dysregulation, and hypervigilance.
- Personality and Dissociative Disorders: Challenges with emotional control, borderline personality traits, or dissociative coping mechanisms.
- Shame and Low Self-Esteem: Deep-seated beliefs that you are defective, guilty, or unsafe in relationships.
The victim may wonder whether she’ll ever be able to trust someone again.
Physical and Neurological Health
- Chronic Pain and Illness: Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, and severe headaches.
- Cardiovascular and Metabolic Diseases: Higher risks of heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and obesity.
- Immune Dysregulation: Altered responses to chronic toxic stress that weaken the body’s immune and nervous systems.
- Brain Structure Changes: Reduced volume or altered development in brain areas responsible for memory (hippocampus), emotional processing (amygdala), and decision-making (prefrontal cortex).
Behavioral and Social Effects
- Substance Abuse: Increased likelihood of misusing alcohol, prescription medications, or illicit drugs to self-medicate.
- Relationship Difficulties: Difficulty in setting boundaries, or a higher vulnerability to repeating cycles of abuse.
- High-Risk Actions: Self-injury, eating disorders, or compromised impulse control.
Behavioral Signs of Past Emotional Abuse:
- Constantly Apologizing: You frequently say “I’m sorry” even when you have done nothing wrong. This stems from being conditioned to believe that any conflict or discomfort is your fault
- Automatic Apologies: You say “I’m sorry” out of reflex even when you have done nothing wrong.
- Hypervigilance: You always scan the room or watch people’s tone and body language for hidden anger or danger.
- Trouble Making Decisions: You second-guess yourself or feel terrified of making a “wrong” choice because your judgment was constantly mocked or controlled.
- Minimizing Past Behavior: You brush off cruel things that happened to you by telling yourself, “It wasn’t that bad” or “They didn’t mean it”.
- Chronic Self-Doubt and Shame: You carry an underlying belief that you are broken, unlovable, or at fault for how others treated you.
Relationship and Social Signs:
Being abused can alter how a victim deals with the world, even after they are free and far away from their abuser.
Here are a few of the emotional difficulties they may experience:
- Difficulty Accepting Affection: Kind words, gifts, or gentle touches feel suspicious, uncomfortable, or hard to trust.
- Gravitating Toward Toxic Partners: You repeatedly find yourself in friendships or romantic ties that mimic the old, unhealthy cycles you grew up with or lived with.
- Emotional Numbness or Detachment: You shut down your feelings or go on “autopilot” to block out pain.
- Isolation: You pull away from friends or family because it feels safer than opening up or letting people see what you are going through.
Physical Signs
- Insomnia and Nightmares: You struggle to fall asleep, wake up often, or re-experience distressing moments in your dreams.
- Somatic (Body) Pain: Your nervous system stays locked in a stress loop, leading to chronic headaches, migraines, gut issues, fatigue, or muscle tension.
So you can see that leaving a violent relationship is not the end of dealing with the ramifications of it. This person will need emotional support as they work toward healing.
If you recognize these patterns and want support, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or exploring resources through organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It (DVAM) is observed every October in the United States to mourn victims, celebrate survivors, and unite advocates to end intimate partner violence.
Purple is the official color used to symbolize domestic violence awareness and honor survivors.
DVAM began as a “Day of Unity” in October 1981, organized by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Congress officially designated it in 1989.
Resources and Support:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788 for 24/7 confidential crisis support and safety planning.
- Workplace Support: Survivors can speak confidentially with human resources about safety planning, Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), or local legal aid resources.
