Where You Hang Your Apron
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A house is where you hang your apron. It is where you eat meals, sleep, and make decisions. It is where you spend your time and live your life.
Probably most important of all is that it’s where you will never be turned away. You belong there as surely as you breathe.
You see, I don’t live in a fancy house. I rent a home, and it’s not at all grand. So you won’t see decorating posts from me that show a lot of expensive things.
I’m not one of those bloggers. I doubt I would be, even if I had the money to buy fancy things. It’s just not me, I guess.
Humble Beginnings:
I come from very humble beginnings. We were poor. And we didn’t have a car to get around.
My grandmother, great-grandmother, and I walked to the grocery store in town and walked back home. It seemed like the paper sacks got heavier with every step.
But we had one hell of a garden. We ate well. Blackberry cobblers. Fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, and potatoes. My favorite meal, one I still look back on fondly, was pinto beans, fried potatoes, cornbread, and sweet iced tea.
We didn’t go to restaurants. Not that there were more than a couple in that small town to dine at anyway.
I was suddenly on my own at an early age. When I was 13, I didn’t know diddly about life, how to take care of myself, or what to do.
I’ve Made Mistakes:
I’ll be the first to tell you that I’ve made lots of mistakes and learned many life lessons. The greatest tragedy of all is that I got married three times.
Try as I might, I never did get it right. And I don’t have the desire to try anymore. I just want my peace, my dogs, and a roof over our heads to keep us safe.
If I had my life to do over again, I would have become one of two things. I’d either have majored in library science instead of journalism and been a librarian. Or I’d have become a nature photographer.
I have Asperger’s and don’t really like to be around people much. So I would probably have headed for the hills and become a nature photographer.
No Fancy Houses Here:
In terms of this blog, if you want to find grandeur and read about fancy houses, I’m sorry, but you’re in the wrong place.
I’ve lived in fancy houses. And those grand houses, I can promise you from experience, won’t make you happy. Modest ones won’t tilt the scales either.
Houses are simply where you hang your apron. When you finish cooking and wash the dishes, you take your apron off and hang it somewhere in your kitchen.
It’s a testament to how much you love your home and those who live in it. You cook meals and clean up. And in a few hours, you’ll start all over again.
It’s what a homemaker is. And that should make you feel proud. You are taking care of whatever needs to be taken care of. Make sure the home’s occupants are fed and that they have clean clothes to wear. You get on your hands and knees and scrub the floor.
Some Bad Situations & Bad Decisions:
I suppose you could say that I’ve been in some bad situations. The kind of bad that comes with being married and miserable. It’s about feeling trapped, when you can’t decide whether to chew off your foot or die trying.
I can’t blame other people. It is what it is. Other women have been through what I have and lived to tell the tale. Maybe it left them a little rough around the edges, but life will do that sometimes.
Agony will settle in your heart and force you to see that fairy tales don’t last. Just like in a book, they come to an end. You turn the last page, close the book, and move on.
No matter how much your heart is breaking or how many years you spent loving someone.
Those I Love:
I have two daughters that I love dearly. And three precious grandchildren. I had my first child young and didn’t know beans about mothering. But I also wasn’t blessed with a mother of my own to teach me.
I love the spoiled and sometimes ornery pupsters. At times, they’re as silly and aggravating as the day is long. But they’re the best companions a woman could have. They love me unconditionally, and nothing beats that.
They’ll never give me anything but complete devotion, and when they look at me, I see love in their eyes. Nothing beats that. I’m here to tell you that nothing on earth beats that.
Nice Things:
I rarely go to stores and buy new things to show you. But I did once upon a time. I think I was mostly trying to fill the emptiness I felt within.
I used to own lots of niceties. But I sold the bulk of those things before I moved here. Because I needed the money to relocate out of state more than I needed the stuff. I don’t miss those things.
What is most important is a beating heart. No matter how hard you try, you can’t breathe life into “things.”
I don’t begrudge people their beautiful and expensive things. Because I once had them too. But in the end, I was more than happy to trade them in for another kind of life.
A new lease on life, you might say.
What I Have Learned:
That old saying is true. Money can’t buy you love. Or loyalty or happiness.
There’s nothing worse than being in a room with someone and feeling lonelier than you ever have in your life.
Learning that made me feel humble. I felt that I’d failed, and that thought trailed me for a while. It still bothers me sometimes that I just couldn’t get it right.
I have regrets. But who doesn’t?
A house is where you hang your apron. So wear it proudly as you create a home that you love.
Brenda you and I have much in common. I married 3 times and never go it right and I just give up. I love living in my little duplex now with my sweet Charlie Kitty. I don't have fancy things and I don't need nor want them. Time with my daughters, my great son in law and my adorable Grandson make my life the best. I am blessed to have a great Mom still here on earth and I gain much strength from her holding on to her life! I once tried to fill my life with 'things' but now it's full of family, friends and their love.
We learn along the way, don't we? I obviously didn't learn that I wasn't cut out for marriage until I'd had three strikes and struck out!
Brenda
Yay Brenda! So honestly poignant. I love this post.
If one is not honest, I don't know how on earth they hope to help others in a similar predicament.
Brenda
Oh what a beautiful post / I can relate to A LOT of it! 🙂
I imagine a lot of women can.
Brenda
Honey if I had a dollar for all the hurt and harm I've endured from a man I'd be a rich woman today! Instead, I'm a poor woman who lives simply and love wisely I finally made it…I have my cat, and two woofies and I'm a happy woman with a rewarding fulfilled live!
Purrs…
You and me both! I feel much more fulfilled without a man in my life than I ever did with one in it. Took me three tries to figure that out. But better late than never!
Brenda
Brenda, I read LOTS of blogs each day, but yours is the one I miss the most when you haven't posted. There's just something so warm and cozy, so real and welcoming that always brings me back. I look at all the "perfectly" decorated homes and think they're nice, but the one that I'd most like to sit and visit in is yours. We are looking to downsize in the near future and I'm looking forward to it. I hope that I'll be able to make our new home really "ours" and create the same feel you've created in your home!
Well thank you. You just made my day!
Brenda
Love your sweet heart Brenda, your precious pups and your cozy blue house!
Blessings,
Cindy
Just like there's all kinds of cars, there's all kinds of houses. But they're what we call home, no matter what they look like.
Brenda
Very touching post, Brenda. I'm glad you are happy.
Sami
Thank you. It's nice to feel peace.
Brenda
Not all of us have big beautiful homes, or money to buy things all the time. My home is where my husband, dog, and memories are. I found out real quick that if you don't have your health….new dishes really do not matter. I still love pretty things….but now, I can look and enjoy and not always have and enjoy. Your yard will be beautiful again….when you are able. Something to look forward to!
You're so right. I like pretty things, but I don't love them anymore. They didn't love me back. They were a pain in my butt because I constantly had to dust around them and find space for them. I like a pretty home with inexpensive trinkets in it. Things that didn't send me to the poor house, as they use to say in my youth. There are lots of things to look forward to. And not all of them even cost money!
Brenda
BEAUTIFUL BEYOND WORDS…ONE OF MY FAVORITES….I LIVE IN A MODEST LITTLE BLUE HOUSE…DUMP IN A SNOW BANK ON A COLD SNOWY DAY IN MARCH…LIFE IS GOOD.
I find life good without a man in it. I know a lot of women have wonderful marriages and partners and I am truly happy for them. But my happiness would not include that again. I have learned to live modestly, frugally, and I know how much money is in the bank. I know what's what because now I'm in charge. Life is good.
Brenda
I am a lot like you Brenda, I too live alone in a house with 2 doggies. You are lucky to have a Judy in your life. I have no one but me now since January. Divorce was not the culprit that took my husband, it was cancer. There is not a day goes by that I do not tear up over the loss. Material things do not bring happiness when there is no one to share it all with. I would give it all up in a heartbeat to be able to turn back the clock, but I know that is impossible, so I take one day at a time. Every day grief puts on a new face. Some days are better than others. When I think I will be okay then something reminds me of the hole in my heart, and my loss. I find staying busy helps me, but then there is now double the work on my shoulders so I have no choice in the matter. It takes me 2 days to mow the yard. It use to take my husband 3 hours to do the same job. I also have 2 grown daughters in their 30's, busy women with full-time jobs and homes of their own to care for. I have a grandson who is almost 18 months old. There are no men in their lives to help carry their burdens. My oldest is now divorced 2 times, both husbands cheated on her. It is hard to find good, faithful men anymore. A lot of single woman find it more stress-free to remain alone. I always said I wouldn't marry again. I don't need the grief and I sure don't want to watch another man die. Hang in there, you are slowly getting to where God wants you to be. Everyday can be and is a blessing.
(((HUGS))) Susanne 🙂
Amen about the stress, or lack thereof, in ones life. I have struggles. I stress about paying the bills. But I no longer have to stress about the hour a man is going to walk through the door and I don't know if he's going to be sober or drunk or mean. I think there are just far too many men (and of course women as well) who want to have it all. Mine lied to my face the entirety of our marriage. I was blindsided by that. I was driving a car and he was sitting in the passenger seat and he just said it like he was talking about what to watch on TV that night. Then I learned true fear. I wasn't smart enough before that. But when you know what they're capable of, when they can lie without batting an eye, you'd better be watching your back. I'm sorry, Susanne, for your grief and your daily struggles. Wish you lived close and we'd help one another.
Brenda
I think you're a very wise woman. You've had a lot of trying experiences in your life which makes you strong and wise. You're right that money can't buy you happiness. Tell that to someone who is clinically depressed. All the money in the world won't make a difference! And….sometimes, our pets are our best companions. They don't ask for anything in return. Just our company. Isn't that nice? I hope you continue to "find your way" in your new life in your sweet little blue house.
I've heard people say: You can be happy if you choose to be. Well, they haven't met up with the monster called clinical depression. But there are ways to fight it, and that's with help and medication and putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. I'm soldiering onward. I thank you for being my faithful and valued friend, Kelly.
Brenda
Brenda, I too am divorced (twice). Never again. My heart belongs to my 3 grown sons, daughter-in-laws, and grandsons along with my parents and siblings. Some people are just not meant to have a marriage. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love working in my yard, just getting into photography, and visiting with friends and family. I am getting more involved with my church which is giving me a new found joy. Enjoy your life and keep writing and photographing. I love your blog and check in daily.
Love you!
I agree with you. It isn't that we haven't met out "soul mate." We just flat don't want to be in a relationship or be married. I like living alone. I like the quiet. No loud ball games on TV & shouting over them. My trust, living with someone in that capacity, is just gone. As in not coming back. I am happy with my dogs and my blog and my readers and blog friends. I am content in a way I haven't been in a very long time. You don't HAVE to be with a man to be complete, I write with a more than a hint of sarcasm.
Brenda
Once again, you've written a beautiful and touching post, sharing your life and heart with us. I wanted to share something with some other followers you might have that maybe have not had the chance to talk to you: Brenda has the sweetest voice, it can melt butter. I too wish I could go to the Cozy Little House for coffee and meander over life with you.
I too cannot imagine life without animals, it just would not be fun. Although we are way down in our numbers: Went from 6 cats to 2; 4 dogs to 3, really 2 1/2, our newly rescued lab keeps jumping the fence and walking into peoples houses and spending the night! What a pistol. Chickens are gone, too. And one big Palomino is in retirement now here at home.
Animals never judge, never criticize, never do anything but look at you with loyal loving eyes. I don't think I'd much want a life without pets. The pupsters are, right now, on either side of me.
Brenda
There's nothing to say except you are 100% right. Contentment and happiness comes from within.
And once a person realizes that that notion is true, it all depends on what they bring to their lives. Not what someone else does.
Brenda
And, that is all that matters! Happiness is worth more than all the latest gadgets or "things"! Glad you are happy!
Took me a long time to get here. I was looking forward, backward. Every way but inward.
Brenda
I found you a few days ago on a pinterest search for country homes and I have been reading you ever since. ( I even went back a long ways) This post today is beautiful and describes so much how I feel. I especially like this : "What is important has a beating heart. No matter how hard you try, you can't breathe life into "things." Thank you for a great post today!
I'm happy to have a new reader. Welcome to Cozy Little House. Where I take lots of photos, tell the antics of the pupsters, and decorate real cheap.
Brenda
The important part is "built with cash." Bottom line. No mortgage. And the fact that you're going to share it is even better. Families use to live together, different generations. I think things would be better if we still did that more. Children would never lack for love with so many around them.
Brenda
I enjoy your blog so much. I have a huge house my father-in-law built that is now ours since they past. It is not fancy. It was built with cash and never has had a mortgage. It needs tons of work and love. We are "dividing" it in half for my step daughter and her husband to make it more manageable. I too, have had all the fancy stuff, I don't miss it one bit!
I thank God everyday for my wonderful husband who loves me more than life itself, and truly wish all of us could experience that kind of love.
I try to live simply and be thankful for what I have. My house would be cleaner without pets, but what they give in return makes up for that ten fold! So I'll stay in my big, not done house with the kids and the pets, and just be happy. I wish the same for you too.
I think I finally have the right shoes on. Part of it was coming back to Blogger. To simplicity. Not trying to be someone I'm not. I love your house by the sea. I love every nook and cranny of your collected and colorful eye candy.
Brenda
We live in a small house, pay cash for everything and still have way too much stuff. We have learned that living simply has brought us contentment and satisfaction.
We have friends in BIG houses with BIG lives who are now discovering they have everything, but nothing. And after many years of marriage, they are divorcing and lost.
You seem happier today than when I first began following you – like you finally have shoes that fit and you can walk in them.
Brenda, you may not live in a fancy house anymore but you live in a house that hundreds of people from all across the world want to visit daily. Isn't that right?
We find the best kind of beauty there–the cozy, comfortable, colorful kind. We find a hostess who shares everything she has and is. And we find a hostess who is determined and persevering, who sometimes does feel low when circumstances pile on her but who lifts her chin, grabs her camera, goes online to look for new bloggers to help along the way, and takes care of two live, fascinating, loving little bodies.
I think you are living an authentic life.
I sure like the idea of an authentic life. For me, if I don't share it all, I feel stifled. Like I'm having to keep a secret and thus I have to watch my words so I don't let it out. With me, what you see is really what you get.
Brenda
How true your words are that you are contended and at peace with the world. You are more than any other time I've known you during the last few years. You have so many faithful followers and they love you for who you are – not what you have. You have so much talent in your writing and photos that so many of us will never have. So, enjoy it and those precious babies and your little blue house.
Love,
Judy
I know you're going through a lot right now. And it's scary. The pupsters miss you. But when you walk in that door, it's pure love I see when they jump in your arms.
Brenda
Brenda…
How I enjoy reading your 'down to earth' posts. You are not for show or about bragging. Your real story is refreshing. I love humble people more than anything. I wish you were able to move about more like you did before your fall. But how your are now – seems like a reflective and real person. We do become wiser after many mistakes – which we all have. I love your little blue house – a very cozy house indeed. Enjoy your day, friend!
xo
Holly
Holly, I love your "down to earth" style of decorating. Was just over at your blog last night and I always think: Why didn't I think of that? You have a real talent.
Brenda
God has brought you to this place..he knows what is best for us and he walks beside us all every day and keeps us safe..never fear Brenda for he will always be near..what you are feeling when you feel at peace is the holy spirit inside of you…You are one lucky woman!Please NEVER doubt that..and LOVE is all we ever need…Love you Brenda! Carol
And I love you, Carol. For always being such a strong supporter of mine in good times and bad. You can't buy loyal followers either!
Brenda
Brenda, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I know you've come a long way. I sure hope you're happy and somewhat contented in your little blue house.. I'm sorry that you can't get out and dig in "Mother earth" like you used to. I pray you'll be able to keep your insurance..
Even though I have my son and daughter living with me, I'm not contented. I am blessed to have my home and my grown "kids", but life isn't like it used to be. Our two kitties do give us a lot of laughs, but I've had to curtail some of the decorating that so things don't get broken and plants don't get eaten. So, my home is not really all mine.
I really enjoy seeing the pictures that you take of your yard, your yard birds, and Charlie and Abi.. I'm glad you splurged on your chair. That really wasn't splurging though. You really got a good deal.
As for the men in your life, when personalities don't mesh, and you have conflicts it is not one person's fault.. It takes two to make a marriage work. Don't look back.
I wish you only good times, good health, prosperity and much happiness in the future.
Hugs, Charlotte in Virginia
I've learned that when we can no longer do things, we create a different path to it. If I can't dig in the ground, I will dig in a pot. If I can't walk through big stores, I'll sit in the comfort of my home and order it online. Adjustments are sometimes just a necessary part of life.
Brenda
As my Mom used to say, "There's always a way". I'm really glad that you have the mind set that you do. You're doing great my friend. It's a good thing if we can be flexible when we have adversities.
What a heartfelt post Brenda. I totally agree about it being the things with a beating heart that mean the most. We have a modest home. Nothing fancy. We are lucky we bought before the housing market went crazy 15 years ago. We are also blessed to have land to garden and explore. We both teach, and spend the summers home with the kids, so we stretch our pay to do this. It's not easy, but I know that there are many who have less, who don't have a constant or job security, so we don't complain. Besides, if it was that bad, we would take on any summer work we could. There is something to be said for a place to hang your apron. That place that makes us feel comforted, safe, and loved. I love your words, I love the images that accompany them, and I thank you for your honesty.
Honesty is really all I know. I never was good at trying to be someone I'm not. I'm pretty transparent. And if that's okay with all of you, then I'll stay that way.
Brenda
What a wonderful song, I too believe that wherever we live, humble or grand home, PEACE and the sense of belonging should always be there. Thanks for sharing this Brenda!
I don't necessarily think our house belongs to us. I think maybe we belong to it.
Brenda
Dear Brenda…What an honest post. I have followed you too and have noticed the more peaceful person you have become. I hope that things continue well for you and maybe get even better…"keep looking up" (a verse from the Bible)….. as my husband would say.
Have a nice day, Balisha
I know you have gone through a terrible loss. Yet here you are. Still joining in the conversation, still being a part of us. I commend you for your strength and fortitude.
I may be poor, probably lose the health insurance I just got through Insure OK this month. Because at the end of the year it goes away. But for now, and the next months, I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I think if I really wanted to, I could just take a few steps and I would be entirely outside the tunnel. Yet it creates a sort of safe shady spot…
Brenda
Once again, I see my life reflected in your words! I was very unhappy married also, but part of that was also my fault…that I always knew, but I chose to ignore the truth, untill it was too late. I also LOVE my Bella Schnauzer just about more than anything!!!!She and I can take on anything!!! when I got divorced, I told my husband, that I wanted her more than anything else, and luckily he knew she belonged with me!!!!! Keep writing…keep gardening…keep going…I HAVE to believe our lives will be all we want them to be one day…
I think my life has finally come to the place where I want it to be. I feel a peace I've never felt before. I like living alone with the pupsters. I don't really have room in my life or my heart for a "relationship." I am doing what makes me happiest. Writing, being outside with my camera. I think I have finally found the recipe for happiness. And, as they say, in my own back yard.
Brenda
I completely agree Brenda. All the gadgets in the world won't make you happy. It is that wet nose and wagging tail that warms my heart.
Having taken this journey with you the past couple of years I am proud of you for being where you are now. You seem more content and happier. Move forward, never look back or you could trip over something.
I miss your cats too!
hugs
Sue
It still tears me up to see photos of the cats. I keep wondering how long that will last. I hope they're okay, that they're content being where they are. That's all I know to do.
Brenda