(Updated on September 27, 2023)
Do you know why it is important to be your own best friend? To not always put your own needs on the back burner?
It is because if we don’t love ourselves, no one else will either. We have to show we are worthy of love and respect.
I’m still reading the book I ordered about estrangement in relationships. I’d say I’m about halfway through it. It’s meant to serve as a workbook.
Sometimes I read chapters and feel stronger. I’ll feel somewhat resilient for a time.
And sometimes I cry. For what is gone, what seems lost.
An Ongoing Process:
I do believe that tears are necessary when you are growing any kind of garden. The seeds must be watered in order to germinate. A garden is an ongoing process of watering and tending to.
I am a work in progress.
I’m getting emails from others who are estranged from loved ones. They felt they were all alone.
They are not. And they were surprised to learn this.
There is power in numbers.
Why you must be your own best friend…
After a lifetime of being critical of myself, I am struggling to learn self-love.
I’m learning that this is not a selfish process, but one that is completely necessary to our emotional survival.
“Talk to yourself like someone you love.” – Brene Brown
What Society Mandates:
We women are so hard on ourselves. Society dictates that we must be strong. Be the best mothers and wives and sisters and friends.
To be the ear that always listens. Knows exactly what to say. Be the women that give and give. And then give some more.
Until we’re all used up and blowing in the wind because we’ve lost our substance.
But that isn’t healthy. Why do we put ourselves last?
And why do we feel ashamed and less than when we can’t be everything to everyone?
“You are not going to heal if you keep pretending that you are not hurt.”
We women have to stand strong, together, to withstand the storms that inevitably come. To nurture one another.
We have to keep reminding ourselves that we are just as important as anyone else. Actually we’re more important. And thus it is vital that we take care of our own needs.
Why do we feel selfish when we do that?
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur
We’re Only Human:
We are human; thus we are not perfect. Or anywhere close to perfect.
We mistakes. But we deserve forgiveness. Most of all, we must learn to forgive ourselves.
I realize that I am using a lot of quotes in my posts lately. But I need the words to read back to myself. They give me strength.
Because I know someone at one time felt just like I do in order to write these words, and thus I am not alone.
Sometimes I repeat them out loud for emphasis. To ingrain them into my thinking. And most of all to negate the voice that tells me I am not good enough just as I am.
“True self-care is not bath salts and chocolate cake, it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.” – Brianna Wiest
I am weary of going over and over the past and wondering what I could have done different. Or better.
What I might have said. How I could have responded.
I am tired of living with one foot still stuck in the past.
Learning To Be Your Own Best Friend:
Every day is a new day. It’s full of possibility. And we get to choose how we spend it.
We must choose joy.
I’ve spent far too much time judging myself. It has impeded my healing.
I know that I must jump back into life with both feet. Drag one foot that is already in the abyss onto solid ground.
Or my garden of life will not survive.
I want to control the negative voice that takes over when I am vulnerable or afraid.
Because I want my garden to flourish. And it won’t if I don’t nurture it. If I don’t show it love I know it will die.
Maybe we don’t realize it, but we give others permission to hurt us.
It is not so much what happens that matters the most. But it is how we react and respond to what happens instead.
We must also learn to accept that not everyone will love us. Which is why it is vital that we love ourselves.
We need to listen to what they are telling us. And then learn to get up and have the courage to leave the table.
Be Your Own Best Friend:
We must learn how important it is to be our own best friend. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we have little to give to others.
Don’t judge yourself more harshly than you judge everyone else.
Listen to your instincts. The person who has persevered and survived all these years when no one else was there to hold you up.
You survived by virtue of your own strength.
Please be your own best friend.