Yesterday I was out back in my patio garden, looking at the burned plants. I weaved in and around all the pots and decided my patio garden looks something akin to a war zone.
A war with the sun and high temperatures that are starting to burn up my garden.
So many of my plants have turned brown. My zinnias are still blooming, but they look like they’re on their last legs too.
And it’s just August 2.
This is happening earlier and earlier every year and it saddens me.
Is there any point in working hard and creating a garden only for it to be gone so soon? Not to mention the expense involved.
The alliums that just began blooming are still looking good. The plant was new last year and this year the blooms are thicker and more developed. This pot is somewhat in the shade.
Even most of the plants I have in partial shade are just not up for this awful heat.
It’s much too hot to go out and sit in my wicker chair. I only go out to water the patio garden and that’s it.
It’s even hard to get photos because my camera lens fogs up as soon as I go outside.
I will have to rethink next year if I’m still living here.
Still On A Month-To-Month Lease:
By the way, I never did sign a new lease for my apartment. I’m going to continue paying month to month.
My 85-year-old neighbor asked the maintenance man for a filter the other day. And he told her that they weren’t getting any new supplies, so he didn’t have one.
He said before this new management company recently took over, someone did not pay the bill.
Well, that would have to be the owners who didn’t pay the bill I suppose. Because this management company put a notice on my door about a month ago saying they were now managing the complex.
He said no one will send him supplies until the bill is taken care of. Hopefully that problem is resolved by now.
The Unsteadiness Of The Real Estate Market:
The real estate market is going to be like this for a while, it looks like. And maybe it’s for the best as for my own plans. Maybe I’m just not meant to take on a loan and home repairs and all that.
Eventually one of the senior (55+) complexes will have an opening. I am on 3 lists right now.
There are only three 55+apartment complexes in Tulsa that aren’t income-restricted.
Or they’re the kind of senior facility that has meals and all that for a high fee. And I can’t pay that kind of monthly rent.
I’ve decided that grief is a continuous loop. The images of Charlie just keep appearing in my mind. Over and over again.
I see him walking out on the patio. Sitting in the passenger seat of my car. Lying next to me in this chair.
And then the worst memory of all. At the vet’s office when the female veterinarian looked up at me and said: “He’s gone.”
That image appears a lot in my mind. And it breaks me.
I miss him, both of them, so very much.
Yesterday I ate my supper while tears fell into my plate.
I just kept eating. And grieving. Wishing I could push back time to when Charlie and Abi were younger and full of life.
Where Their Photos Are Now:
If you noticed, I took their photos off the blog page at the top of the sidebar. It is just too upsetting to have it there right now when I’m still so raw with grief.
So I put them on the Home page, photos of Abi and Charlie, and a little memorial for them.
It never seems like enough, the words I use to convey my love for them.
That love is too big to be contained.