When Charlie and I went outside this morning I saw that it had been raining. It is raining again. Charlie barks at the loud clap of thunder.
I’m beginning to feel like life will go on. I mean, I know it will. But loss sometimes strips that idea from you because the pain is so overwhelming.
The pain is still there, throbbing like a heartbeat inside of me. But it is starting to feel a little more manageable.
Charlie was always over shadowed by his sister. He followed her lead. She was jealous when it came to me, and so he stayed at the end of the bed. I could pick him up and put him close to me and he would not stay there.
This morning while I was still lying in bed, he timidly crawled up near my face. I praised him and stroked his head and told him how much I love him. My sweet, sweet boy.
The other night I was in bed reading and heard him go down the doggy steps. I read a bit more and then got up to see what he was doing. I looked in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom.
I began to get a bit frantic and started calling his name. I went back through the rooms again and looked under anything he could crawl underneath. I kept calling his name but couldn’t find him.
Then I could see his head as he crawled out from under the bed. I’ve never seen him go under there before.
But occasionally Abi would go under the bed when there was a fly inside. I wonder why he suddenly went under the bed? I was puzzled by this.
I didn’t realize that Jade’s leaves would be multi-colored. I watched Jade bud in early spring and have watched her slowly evolve over the past month or so.
Here is the lemon balm growing in the crack of the cement near the blue raised garden bed.
It’s kind of amazing that something can grow in the most unlikely of places.
It reminds me that we find love and comfort in unlikely places too sometimes.
On this cement patio I have so many containers of beautiful flowers and herbs and plants.
Slowly, a bit more each day, I’m beginning to understand that there will come a time when they will bring me joy again.
Abi gave me almost 12 years of unconditional love. She meant the world to me. I know there will be a day when I can think of her sweet face and not cry.