container flowers

When Charlie and I went outside this morning I saw that it had been raining. It is raining again. Charlie barks at the loud clap of thunder.

I’m beginning to feel like life will go on. I mean, I know it will. But loss sometimes strips that idea from you because the pain is so overwhelming.

The pain is still there, throbbing like a heartbeat inside of me. But it is starting to feel a little more manageable.

Charlie was always over shadowed by his sister. He followed her lead. She was jealous when it came to me, and so he stayed at the end of the bed. I could pick him up and put him close to me and he would not stay there.

This morning while I was still lying in bed, he timidly crawled up near my face. I praised him and stroked his head and told him how much I love him. My sweet, sweet boy.

charlie

The other night I was in bed reading and heard him go down the doggy steps. I read a bit more and then got up to see what he was doing. I looked in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom.

I began to get a bit frantic and started calling his name. I went back through the rooms again and looked under anything he could crawl underneath. I kept calling his name but couldn’t find him.

Then I could see his head as he crawled out from under the bed. I’ve never seen him go under there before.

But occasionally Abi would go under the bed when there was a fly inside. I wonder why he suddenly went under the bed? I was puzzled by this.

tree

I didn’t realize that Jade’s leaves would be multi-colored. I watched Jade bud in early spring and have watched her slowly evolve over the past month or so.

tree

Here is the lemon balm growing in the crack of the cement near the blue raised garden bed.

lemon balm

It’s kind of amazing that something can grow in the most unlikely of places.

It reminds me that we find love and comfort in unlikely places too sometimes.

On this cement patio I have so many containers of beautiful flowers and herbs and plants.

Slowly, a bit more each day, I’m beginning to understand that there will come a time when they will bring me joy again.

Abi gave me almost 12 years of unconditional love. She meant the world to me. I know there will be a day when I can think of her sweet face and not cry.

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33 Comments

  1. I think Charlie’s personality will continue changing as he gradually adapts to the loss of his sister and realizes he’s now the one and only. I was just talking to my neighbor-friend yesterday who now has one cat, Sophie. Sophie’s brother died last year. My friend said Sophie’s personality has completely changed; that she’s more friendly and cuddly. Blessings to both you and Charlie.

  2. Charlie is beginning to explore places that were most definitely Abi’s territory before. When the dominant dog is no longer in the environment, the more submissive dog slowly accepts that he is free to be in those territories without repercussions. That has been my experience with the dogs I have had over the years.

  3. What a wonderful post and such beautiful photos. Not only is a pleasure to read your words, it is also a pleasure to read the comments from your followers.

  4. I’m happy to hear that some of the constant pain and sense of loss is starting to lift. Also, happy that you and Charlie are forging a new relationship. Animals have so much “knowing” that we are totally unaware of most of the time. There are animal communicators that seem to be able to “tune in” to the tho’ts and feelings of the animals we share the earth with. I think it would be wonderful to be able to do that. I mean, if you pay attention and are receptive you can know their tho’ts and desires in many cases but the animal communicators seem to go beyond that rudimentary ability. It’s very fascinating to me because we humans on this earth need to learn from the animals. I believe that the creatures that share the earth with us can help us understand that we need to take care of the earth in order for all of us to survive.

    I love the photos of Charlie. He has such an endearing little face. It’s kind of exciting that you will likely get to know him more now.

    And the patio! It’s all so beautiful, Brenda. Jade’s leaves are amazing. Gorgeous. I bought some annuals yesterday. They will be the first flowers I’ll plant. Since I bought them it’s been raining and I haven’t been able to get out to do it. Hopefully tomorrow will clear up and be sunny and I can get them in their beds. I am also trying to figure out what and where I will put the potted flowers I want to decorate my deck with. I might have to go back and look at some of your earlier posts to see examples of what you have done on your patio. How you arranged things, etc.

    I’ll close with a little quote from my dear mother when things weren’t going well or we were feeling sad or discouraged. She would always say, “Just keep looking up. Things will work out. Just keep looking up.” I wasn’t ever exactly sure what she meant, but the message seemed to be ‘look forward, not back’. At the very least it communicated her love and a sense of hope that all would be well. I hope you find encouragement in the sentiment. Hugs to you and Charlie.

  5. I love seeing your plants and flowers. Jade is beautiful ! You certainly have given her great care as you do all things around you. So glad Charlie is coming up to head of the bed. In SC we have been having rain showers day and night for over a week. Everything here is drenched and it is too wet to work much in the garden. I can’t do much anymore due to back issues but I still try to fix a container or two and I have to leave it at that. Keep your spirits up Brenda and give Charlie an extra hug.

  6. Brenda, I’m so glad you are feeling stronger and that Charlie is beginning to establish a new relationship with you. That makes me smile. Your plants are just flourishing. Enjoy your Sunday tomorrow. Carol and Molly

  7. What is that tree you have growing in your container patio. I love it. I am just now learning what I can grow in containers. Thank you

  8. I think Charlie is grieving too. Maybe he thought Abbi was under the bed since he couldn’t find her. So cute he is comforting you. Hugs❤️

  9. Yes, tears of joy remembering sweet Abi:). Charlie could be looking for Abi, our late cat Tiger did looking for our Xena. Rain is good for your beautiful garden.
    Talking to Charlie might help too:).
    I talk to my Bella and Zoe all the time, some of the best conversations I ever had!:)
    Take care, Kathleen in Az

  10. We have a 14 year old cocker and a 5 year old toy poodle who are devoted to each other. Knowing that the cocker’s time is growing shorter, we got a rescue Shiztzu puppy so the poodle would not be as lost when the inevitable happens. Well, now the poodle and the puppy won’t go outside to do their business unless the cocker goes with them. So we haven’t solved the problem; we just added to it! I am glad that you and Charlie are feeling better. Love seeing pictures of both Charlie and your garden.

  11. I love hearing how Charlie is opening up. Just as the flowers on the patio are blossoming so is Charlie. I was taken aback at the beauty and color on your patio. You are amazing. I can hear it in your writing things are getting a little easier.

  12. Life does go on, it can be hard because we don’t want life without our loved one. It is good to realize that you will find joy in life again, but it may just take awhile. Since dogs are “pack” animals, I would imagine that the loss of Abi might be quite a change in Charlie ‘ s status. It is heartwarming that he rest up to be by you. Hope you have a peaceful weekend.

  13. Your flowers are so beautiful , its just starting to be time for planting here in WI . I’m glad things are starting to get better for you . Years ago when one of my cats died for months my dog and the other cat looked for her . I wonder if that’s what Charlie was doing last night .

  14. Like you said, I think sweet Charlie was kind of put in the back seat due to Abi.. and he was probably fine with it as that was their dynamic. Now that she is gone, he will more than likely feel able to get closer to you, both physically and mentally. Our pet’s personalities do change as their little “herd” or group changes. We had 3 new stray kittens that we rescued and were keeping them in our garage to tame them enough to take them to the shelter. They were all wild! Gradually, 2 of them became more friendly and used to us and we could pick them up, but one remained totally untouchable, scared and too skitterish to even touch. One day we finally got the two tamer ones in a carrier, and caught the scared one using some good cat food. Took them all to the shelter to be adopted. The 2 were fine, but the one “scaredy wild cat” went wild and ran all over the office, jumped on the furniture, tried to climb the walls, and then hid under the copy machine. We had to move everything to get him out, and they said they couldn’t take him! So he came home with us to “tame down” more, etc. Well… we could not believe it, but the very next day, once the other two kitties were gone, he started coming out, coming to us and letting us pet him! Within a few days, I was holding him in my arms and he would let me do that, and he loved it. What a change with the two other ones gone. He remains with us to this day (1-1/2 years later) and he is the most lovable, sweet, and affectionate cat I’ve ever had! Charlie may change too and become more loving and affectionate and not quite so standoffish… he probably knows it’s OK now, be be closer to you…….. and I know he is also feeling your hurt and wants to comfort you. Take care….. Marilyn

  15. …and, thankfully, the healing continues. Dogs are the best medicine ever! Your flowers and tree are so beautiful.

  16. Sweet boy ! He crawled up to comfort you, and receive comfort from you ! Do. you think he crawled under the bed looking for Abi ? You are right – there will come a day when you can think of dear Abi and not cry – or cry tears of joy for all the love she gave you and Charlie….
    Your garden is just beautiful – you have such a green thumb !

  17. So glad Charlie is feeling comfortable about cuddling with you now!!! What a comfort to you both! So happy for you, too, that your soul is able to feel some happiness again.

  18. Dear Charlie! It’s very moving that he’s reaching out in a way he didn’t or couldn’t before. Love hurts, as you well know, but can heal too.
    The garden looks so fresh – and Jade is wonderful. Such rich colors – you have the gardener’s touch, Brenda.
    Mary

  19. Brenda,

    Grief has its own timetable for sure. We certainly cannot rush it and even thought it hurts, I’m not sure we would even want to. If that makes sense. Charlie crawling up to your face brought tears to my eyes.

    Your flowers are lovely.

  20. You have a green thumb for sure; your patio is overflowing with fabulousness. Jade has really come to life, too and is so beautiful. I love trees!

  21. How very sweet that Charlie came to lay by your face. Thinking about it brings happy tears to my eyes. The love between you both will help to ease your grief. I’m so glad that you have each other. Focusing on each other will help to fill the void in your hearts. My beloved 12-year-old kitty died suddenly in October. She was our only pet. Two days later, we brought home a stray from the shelter. Loving her helped to fill the void in our hearts. And we needed each other, just as you and Charlie need each other, especially now. Thinking of you….
    Gayle xo

  22. We have a second dog, younger by 7 years, that had to occasionally take the back seat to my Maci and her health issues the last two years of her life. It’s been interesting to see her personality develop since Maci’s been gone. Nothing I ever wanted to experience but so be it. Life goes on.

  23. I had happy tears, when you mentioned that Charlie came to lay by your face. Again, little by little..Have a lovely weekend Brenda..

  24. My heart went to my throat when you wrote that Charlie crept up near your face in bed. How sweet was that! I know you will continue to find comfort in each other.

  25. bless his heart.
    he’s finding his way.
    and if they love and grieve… and we know that they do…
    he will go through times that seem strange to you but are part of his healing too.
    bless both of you! xo

  26. Brenda my Persian cat died unexpectedly a year ago next month. I still miss her terribly and all the other cats I’ve had in the last 15 years. Our pets are not just animals, but our family with fur coats. We love them and they love us back.
    I know in my heart that Charlie feels “something” with his sister gone, they were a pair and he knows something’s not quite right. I’m glad you have each other to help one another through this sorrow. Lots of hugs! (-:

  27. Good afternoon,
    I am so happy to hear that you are feeling a little better. Life does go on but it will take awhile to feel your new “normal.

    How sweet that Charlie came to the head of the bed, I am sure that he is trying to comfort you and to get comfort as well.

    Your plants look gorgeous! Have a nice day, stay cool.

  28. Your posts are beginning to be upbeat and brighter again and that’s not meant as a criticism, your heart was broken and how wonderful to have an outlet to share…things are beginning to bloom here in N.Y.too,we weren’t sure there for awhile since it snowed through most of April!
    Get plenty of rest and remember to eat,HUGS!

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