There has been the most beautiful butterfly on my patio lately. It loves the red penta blooms that are left. I so enjoy watching it as it dips into the flowers.

Is there anything more graceful than a butterfly? It is almost poetic to watch.

Butterflies are symbolic of personal transformation. Many cultures associate the butterfly with our souls.

I spent much of yesterday afternoon at my doctor’s office getting a prescription for a urinary tract infection, so I was not able to engage with the comments as I usually do.

I had a chance to read some of the comments yesterday, and will get to the others today.

Wind chimes on my patio

Each morning I sit down here and try to shape my feelings into words.

Feelings are fleeting, as we all know. They come and they go. Sadness can befall you and then joy might fill your heart in the next hours.

We are all unique in our ways of dealing with grief. My way is to write. It is my therapy. It is where I document and put things that are in my heart at the moment.

I would hope that you understand that if I’m sad when I write one day, it is not a description of my entire day. It is what I’m thinking right then.

If any of you were to write down what you are feeling from one hour to the next, I imagine your words would run the gamut of emotions. That is the way life is, ever changing.

I just try to tell my story, such that it is.

Mini pumpkin in my plate hutch

Losing Abi, and then having the worry about Charlie just five days later, which continues to this day because they’re not sure at this point what has been going on with him, has been hard.

I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. It complicates my grief because what is past with Abi and what is present with Charlie are both figuring into my thoughts.

Having just lost one dog, the mere thought of losing the other is very stressful.

But so far so good after the last dose of his medicine a week ago.

Our pets are our babies. Many of us have raised our children, if we had any, and now live alone with our pets. They are our family that we care for with love and devotion.

Charlie on the patio

I don’t want anyone worrying about me because I am fine.

I am in a good place. Sometimes I just need to remember Abi here with you, and in so doing, I grieve her here as well.

I will soon be leaving to have lunch with my daughter. Have a great weekend.

“We are all butterflies. Earth is our chrysalis” – LeeAnn Taylor

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23 Comments

  1. Everybody grieves whether it’s a person or a pet that passes! There’s nothing wrong with you bc you don’t mope around all the time! You take care of Charlie and yourself, watch over your plants, go places, decorate, craft, read alot and your very involved with your daughter and grandson’s life. This is your blog Brenda and you can say whatever is on your mind! Oh, I forgot photography too- taking all those beautiful pictures and gardening! Did I miss anything? ?

  2. Oh, about butterflies — about two months ago, we were in a national forest area of our state and we saw several beautiful blue butterflies in a wet sandy area, getting a drink. They looked perfect. Then, two weeks ago, we were back in the same place, and saw only one such butterfly. Its wings were ragged and actually, one wing was reduced to only about three-fourths of its original size. But it still was flitting about. It certainly was a symbol for not giving up when things get rough!

  3. Hi Brenda. We’ve had more butterflies this year, surely because there are more flowers. When we moved here two years ago there were no flowers at all and just one tree. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I still do feel a bit of amazement when butterflies land on the buddleia, or butterfly bush, that a friend gave me last year. I planted it where I can see it out the kitchen window, and it has been a pleasant sight. I’m glad you can look out at your patio and see lovely flowers and insects.

  4. I agree that we are all unique in how we handle grief. I have lost many pets (as a child and as an adult), and have also lost my father, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, friends, and worst of all, my firstborn son. There is no right or wrong way to handle or express grief, and there is no timetable. Writing about it, as you do, is great therapy. If you were curled up in a ball or turning to alcohol or drugs to dull your pain, or not seeing your daughter and grandson, then yes, that would be worrisome, but it sounds like you are handling your grief and stress in a healthy way.

  5. The butterfly is beautiful. I just hate the fact that many of them are endangered, especially the Monarch. I want to plant more of the plants that are beneficial to them in my yard. It’s beyond me how people who own companies that produce the toxins that are killing them can sleep at night. It’s all about money to them. So sad.

    Glad you were able to get out for lunch with your daughter. I enjoy doing that with my daughters, too, although we don’t often get the chance these days with them being busy mothers and my oldest daughter living an hour away. But I always ask for lunch with them for my birthday.

    Hope you and Charlie have a good weekend together. I would love to meet little Charlie with his tongue out. He’s such a cutie. I think we would get along.

    Take care, Brenda.

  6. Grief takes as long as it takes…only you will know when it begins to wane. I’d see shadows on the floor, or clothes and my heart would lurch, because I’d think it was my Springer. It took forever – even in a home he’d never lived in – before the pain turned to sweet memories. Surely no one thinks you’re going to wake one day and decide to stop mourning her. It happens when it happens.
    You and Charlie might enjoy the Warrior Canine Connection on Explore.og. It’s a great organization that has a 24/7 puppy cam – only right now there are 3! I don’t do links so Google it if you need some therapy. I’ve finally stopped the hourly addiction – sort of. (The pups are only Goldens and Labs, but boy are they cute.)

  7. I think you have a big, caring community of readers who want the best for you and Charlie. As part of that community, I know that I miss hearing about Abi’s antics. In our way, we grieve with you for her. Thank you for your candor in sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

  8. I too understand your grief; I think you should continue to write about and express it. I just lost one of my cats 10 days ago; my grief comes out of nowhere sometimes it seems…

  9. I am glad you had some time out with your daughter today. It gives your mind a new place to rest for a while when you people watch or just take in the beauty of the day. I went to a thrift store and shopped around this afternoon and I feel better browsing and finding a few new patterns for me to sew or some new fabric to play with. I feel your emotions so much about grieving and realize through your writings that I AM normal and will always feel sympathy for those that can’t take care of themselves. And I am grateful I am like that !!

  10. The grief comes and goes. Some days and minutes are better than others. The picture of the butterfly is beautiful. Have a beautiful weekend with Charlie. Colleen and Baron

  11. I just love those picture of Charlie with that tongue hanging out, he is so adorable!
    Enjoy your weekend Brenda and Charlie!
    Carol and Molly
    xoxoxo

  12. It will be 4 months since I said goodbye to my Dad on Oct 4th. Some days I’m ok, I know he’s not suffering any longer. Sometimes the grief hits me like a ton of bricks, and flattens me.

    I know I will need to say goodbye to my old girl, Lily, soon – she’s losing control of her bodily functions and having a really tough time getting up and down the stairs. I knew it was inevitable, that’s when I started searching for a new sweet angel to welcome into our home, to keep Monkey company after Lily is gone. It doesn’t make the thought of it any easier, but I do want to scatter her ashes in my dad’s garden, as he was extremely fond of her and always, right up until the end, talked about how she was the BEST dog. They will be together when she goes, and I’ll visit them both there daily.

    Have a great lunch with your daughter, and a wonderful weekend with your sweet little Charlie.

  13. Dear Bren,
    It is alright if you still grieve. Myself and my daughter are still grieving for our babies and it has been several years. It gets better in time but you never forget.
    So cry as long as you need to.
    Brenda I just love little Charlie. He will be ok, I will pray for him as I do for mine.
    Love You and Little Charlie,
    Shirley

  14. Good morning Brenda,

    I hope that you have a wonderful lunch with your daughter. Grief is an unpredictable thing, it sneaks up on us sometimes and settles in for a bit. Other times just a fleeting moment, a few tears and then a smile of happier times. Please continue to share whatever you would like we are all here for you and if you.

    I hope you and Charlie have a wonderful weekend.

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