When I think back over my life I see peaks and valleys and meandering curving roads.
I never knew what was beyond the crest, at the bottom of the valley or what was around the bend in the road.
These roads are my quilt and I am the stitches that sew it together.
For much of my life I was hard on myself for mistakes I made and paths not taken.
There were times when I said something I wish I had not said. Or times when I could have spoken up when I had the chance, but sadly, did not.
Often there is a small window of time, then that is gone and you can’t bring it back.
How would we know compassion and the depths of feeling if we hadn’t had some bumps in the road? If we hadn’t stumbled and made mistakes and taken wrong turns.
This is what I was thinking about when I woke up this morning.
Just one of those random thoughts that appear and then take off like a spool of thread rolling across the floor.
I look back and I’m well aware of the mistakes I made. I can’t undo them.
But instead of wishing them away, I’ve come to realize that I need to look upon them as lessons.
We need to recognize their value and forgive ourselves for the things we’ve done. For the things we cannot change and for which there is no going back.
The loss of those you love is a part of life. It stings. It hurts like hell.
Especially when they chose to walk away while you stood still and watched them go.
You wonder what you could have said or not said.
You wonder where the road shifted. And if words would even have made a difference had you spoken them.
You cannot will them back. You have to let them go.
And that is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
Some of the people I’ve loved were just passing through, though I couldn’t have known that at the time.
I’ve come to accept that people in my life, people that I love, may at some point choose to walk away.
I’ve learned that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay.