It’s Just Me & Charlie Now
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It’s just Charlie and me now.
I talk to him, praise him, brush him, and spend lots of time petting him.
I will say, “Do you want to be brushed?” And he comes running to me. I hold him against me to feel his warmth and brush him while he sits so still. I love him so much. And I know he misses Abi. She was the alpha dog, and he followed her everywhere.
Abi was such a talker. She was always saying something to me and telling me to cut her food into smaller pieces. She’d let me know that she had thrown up in another room and wanted me to go clean it up.
She was so funny that way. So full of pranks and mischief. Abi was what you’d call “the life of the party.”
And now my heart is breaking into tiny little pieces because I miss her so very much.
Her Goofy Smile:
She had that goofy smile that everyone loved.
On the last day of Abi’s life, when the vet and his assistant arrived, she lifted her head. She cocked it to the side, as she always did, and smiled at them. It damn near broke my heart.
Christy, the vet assistant, said, “Abi’s smiling.”
Abi smiled at them even though she was sick and so very weak.
That last week of Abi’s life, she faded right before my eyes. And there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless.
And then she was gone. Her little body was completely still, and the light left her eyes. I’ll miss her always.
It’s Just Me & Charlie Now:
The sounds now are the air conditioner coming on and going off. The birds are chirping outside the window. I can hear the occasional traffic from the street.
I just heard the ducks fly over, and Charlie barked at their quacking.
My mind flits around and doesn’t know where to land. I’m thinking about my flowers, and then I’m remembering Abi’s last few moments. And then I’m crying.
Then I’m wondering what to eat. Not because I want to eat, but because my body must keep going.
It is summertime, but suddenly I’m cold. I’m wrapped in a blanket. It’s as if my spirit lifted off with Abi’s, leaving behind an empty body.
Abi has left us and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I hope she makes lots of friends there and is happy. That her body is mended now, and she can run and play.
A Short Springtime:
Springtime weather was short. Now we’re headed right to hot weather.
I have to keep the blinds and curtains closed for the most part, or it gets too hot in here. The lack of insulation and the thin windows are no match for the weather.
When you close your windows, you’re essentially saying, “Closed For Business,” aren’t you?
I guess that’s kind of where we are right now, Charlie boy and me. We’re mourning and closed for business.
Loss of any kind is always hard. But death pierces your very soul.
I’m just going through the motions.
I’m okay for a bit, and then I’m sobbing. It hits when it hits. Ugly wracking sobs that shake my body until I’m weary. I’m about as tired when I wake up as when I go to sleep.
A day at a time, I know that’s the answer. First, it was a minute at a time, then an hour at a time.
Just a day at a time. One foot in front of the other one.
Every evening, I go outside to water and deadhead the flowers. My container plants are beautiful, but that beauty is wasted on me right now. All I see is loss and the fact that my Abi is no longer here, doing the cute things she always did.
It’s just Charlie boy and me now…
So Much Personality:
Abi had so much personality. She had her quirks and funny ways, and she made everyone laugh. How does such a strong presence just suddenly be gone?
For some reason, this old Hank Williams song comes to mind…
“I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”
Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I’m so lonesome, I could cry
I’ve never seen a night so long
And time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hide its face and cry
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die?
Like me, he’s lost the will to live
I’m so lonesome, I could cry
The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I’m so lonesome, I could cry
I have been a silent follower for a while, but I wanted you to know my heart is breaking for you and Charlie. I don’t care what anyone says, losing a pet is very tough. They are family. I am still not over my little Jack Russell Minnie I had to put down 2 years ago due to cancer. It really hurts and my heart hurts for you.
It is interesting to read the differences between Abi and Charlie. Points out that each pet has its on personality just like friends. Each makes a different contribution to our life and can not be replaced. As life goes on, we add new friends/pets.
You express your pain beautifully. Thanks for sharing.
oh dear Brenda I am so very very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl 🙁
It will get better Brenda but you are right, one day at a time.
Tania
Dear Brenda
Hello – my name is Kathy and I send my deepest and most sincere sympathy regarding your loss. I donot have a blog of my own but found yours about a year ago and so love your take on life, pets, book reviews, etc. I thoroughly love it all! Please take care of yourself and Charlie and know you are both in my prayers.
It gets better but the silence for me was the hardest to bear. Sending you and Charlie good thoughts and hugs.
I’m curious if Charlie tries to comfort you when you cry? My babies get upset when I’m upset and they try to comfort me. Molly licks me….Monkey cuddles me. Lily doesn’t know what’s going on really any more but she used to come over to me and push her head into me (that’s her way of hugging.)
One day at a time Brenda and it will get better. Charlie is a good boy but shows you love and affection in his own way. My Molly isn’t a cuddler either but we are a team and that’s all that matters. Your flowers look beautiful! How is that grandson? One day at a time. Carol and Molly
I think your song words draw a tear to many an eye.
It is good to talk of your Abi, from the quirky little things she did to every single detail of what made her special to you. We may think of a dog as a simple creature but truth be told they are anything but simple.
There are few places you can go in life where grief can truly flow but your readership seems highly compassionate, understanding and caring for you. Share your love of Abi with them because it is good for you …and them.
If I were asked what made my boy so special to me, I could write pages and pages. I fear words would flow non stop and remarkably too given a creature of so called simplicity?
My song has been certain lines in Through the Years by Kenny Rogers. Lines such as, “I knew I belonged right here with you” and “you turned my life around”.
I read a line the other day that said, “you left but your forgot to tell my heart how to go on without you”. Yet, in the still of a moment or maybe when I’ve so exhausted myself with grief, despair, tears and yes anger too – I do indeed still hear him.
In these quiet moments I tell him I love him, I tell him how much I miss him and I ask him to help his pathetic mom who’s heart is shattered in a million pieces.
Abi will help you too Brenda. Give yourself time and allow the gift of Abi to flow. These experiences are about as real as it gets. Bless you …
My heart breaks for you and Charlie. Sending hugs.
So very sorry to read about sweet little Abi, may she rest in peace and be remembered always as the sweet little personality she was.
Your words bring tears to my eyes. I pray that your sorrow is eased. You are a strong brave lady and I know you’ll adapt and deal with this loss but tight now that doesn’t make it any easier. You are on my mind and in my prayers.