Turning The Page

All is quiet except for a few birds in the bushes out front. The sun is shining in through the storm door.

Charlie likes to see what’s out there. Even if it’s just a truck in the alley, he barks to let me know it’s there. That something is different.

I love days like this. Fall approaching. Summer slowly coming to an end, but raising its sunny head every few days to remind us that it’s not ready to leave the stage quite yet.

I see trees with leaves that are starting to turn, a bit of red and gold popping through green leaves. It tells me that fall is steadily marching toward us.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. – Dylan Thomas

Hosta bloom

Charlie just now insisted on going out, so I trailed after him with my camera, a common occurrence.

As I stood there, geese flew overhead. I saw a female cardinal in the distance. A dragonfly up toward the roof. The clematis making a comeback after it slept through the heat of summer.

When you go outside, take in what you see and smell and hear. It’s important to note that nature is constant and yet ever changing.

Here is the female cardinal through my zoom lens, hundreds of feet away. I wonder if she is waiting on the male cardinal to fly in and join her?

Did you know?

From Wikipedia…

“Pairs mate for life, and stay together year-round. Mated pairs sometimes sing together before nesting. During courtship they may also participate in a bonding behavior where the male collects food and brings it to the female, feeding her beak-to-beak.”

Zinnia growing in a cement crack

So many wonders outside. Zinnias and lemon balm growing in a small crack in the cement. Trees changing colors.

Flowers still blooming, like this salvia, and at the same time turning brown.

Salvia bloom


Last night I was thumbing through a magazine. The TV was background noise and Charlie was sleeping at the end of the bed in his usual spot.

I turned the page and there was a dog toward the bottom. I zeroed in on it immediately. It wasn’t a Yorkie, but it had Abi’s face and eyes. I was momentarily stunned.

It was the four month anniversary of losing her and there was her face staring back at me. I was breathless for a time. It had her funny face, her features in all the right places.

I couldn’t stop looking at the image, now seared into my memory. It was like she came back to me for a time. I didn’t want to lose her again.

But then finally I turned the page.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
– Seneca


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  1. Lovely sentiments and writing today .
    I love that you saw the pix and it looked like Abi Rose .
    I love her name ,How did you choose it ,perhaps you can share that with us sometime .
    I love the smell and early signs of fall ! Here in the mountains of Tennessee we are beginning to see it !
    Hugs to you and Charlie !

  2. How very interesting seeing “Abbi” on the television, Brenda. Also, the occurances that the reader left in her response above mine. I do believe it’s possible our loved ones sometimes contact us via those kinds of happenings. I have never experienced anything like that but have read about them occurring. I think they are always meant to be benign and comforting.

    Fall does seem to be inching closer but today is quite warm here. The nights are cool, though, which I love. I haven’t seen any cardinals in my yard recently but I do know that they mate for life. I wasn’t aware of their mating rituals like the male feeding the female. So many amazing and wonderful creatures on our beautiful planet. Even the earth worms whose lives I always save when I am digging in the dirt. And the poor bees that are suffering so from the chemicals that certain companies continue to produce and sell that poison them. I find it unconscionable. (Sp.?)

    Hope you enjoy a quiet and peaceful evening. Sending a pat for Charlie and a hug for you. Take care.

  3. My daughter died two years ago at the end of August. So, when September 1 hit 10 days ago, I felt a sense of relief I wasn’t expecting. It was like a wet blanket had been lifted from my head and shoulders, as if the formal mourning period was over. Boy, do I feel relieved to get to this point, even if it is just a temporary feeling. Yes, I definitely miss my daughter, but, it feels so good to have the sharp pain of the first year, and the general grouchiness of the second year, to be behind me. I know for a fact that feeling better does not mean I’ve forgotten my daughter. Instead I can remember her in a more clear way than when I was burdened with feelings of sadness, anger, and misplaced guilt.

    As for the photo you saw that looked just like Abbi — in the first months after my daughter died I had a number of instances of things happening that seemed oddly related to her. It lessened over time, but still occasionally happens. I told the grief counselor about these things in the first year, and she indicated she had such things happen when her mother died. She was a credentialed professional and not a kook, so, I thought it was interesting that she seemed to support the notion that these occurrences aren’t just coincidental. I found objects that had belonged to my daughter in the strangest places considering she’d never been in this house, since we were moving into it the weekend that she died. Sure, I could reason that maybe I or my husband accidentally dropped the object that we found in a weird place. But, it only happened with things related to her, and not to my son or step-son or my husband and me. So, it just seemed very odd. For instance, I found her college ID laying on the grass in the back yard. That was so strange! Sure, I’d been moving boxes, and maybe it fell out of a box. But, it was so strange that it was her ID, and not something related to anyone else in the family.

    So, you could have more such instances of seeing things that seem related to Abbi! I hope they can be a comfort to you.

  4. Many wonders in nature, for sure!
    I like nice fall weather, just not the shorter days. I do love the oblique angle of the sun in fall and the particular light it gives.

  5. Brenda,

    I held my breath just reading this. As far as Fall, it’s always been a Season I look forward to. Not this year though. I’ve been wanting time to just stop until I’m ready to move forward. As you well know though, it doesn’t wait for us.


  6. I used to grieve the ending of summer, but this year I am kinda looking forward to it. I know I will not enjoy the cold winter weather, especially if we get a lot of snow.
    I have been stocking up my pantry, filling my freezer and assessing my winter wardrobe to see what I need to purchase. If it snows, I will hunker down and stay inside where it is warm and cook lots of good recipes like stew, chili, soups, and casseroles. I will miss fresh fruit every day, but will most likely turn to oranges and apples.
    The mornings are turning crisp and cool and I have stopped wearing crop pants first thing in the morning while taking Lily out, and am now wearing sweat pants which of course by noon I have to change out of into my summer stuff.
    I am watching the tree leaves turning brittle, and starting to fall. so far no signs of leaves turning yellow and orange and for some reason I do not remember what they did last year.

  7. Good morning Brenda,

    The beauty in nature is spectacular, from the fungi that pop up seemingly overnight to the flowers, butterflies, bugs, and more.

    You can never loose your Abi Rose, she in in your hear my friend.

    I hope that you and Charlie have a wonderful day!

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