Turning The Page
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All is quiet except for a few birds in the bushes out front. The sun is shining in through the storm door.
Charlie likes to see what’s out there. Even if it’s just a truck in the alley, he barks to let me know it’s there. That something is different in his world, and he is right on it.
I love days like this with fall approaching. Summer is slowly coming to an end. But the sun that only summer owns raises its head every few days to remind us that it’s not ready to leave just yet.
But soon the season will be turning the page…
I see trees with leaves that are starting to turn colors, a bit of red and gold popping through. It tells me that fall is steadily marching toward us.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. – Dylan Thomas
Charlie insisted on going out, so I trailed after him, my camera in hand.
As I stood outside, geese flew overhead. Then I saw a female cardinal in the distance, a dragonfly up toward the roof. The clematis is making a comeback after it slept through the summer heat.
When you go outside, take in what you see, smell, and hear. It’s essential to acknowledge that nature is both constant and constantly changing.
Nature will be turning the page…
Here is the female cardinal I see through my zoom lens, hundreds of feet away. I wonder if she is waiting for the male cardinal to fly in and join her?
From Wikipedia, On Cardinals…
“Pairs mate for life, and stay together year-round. Mated pairs sometimes sing together before nesting. During courtship, they may also participate in a bonding behavior where the male collects food and brings it to the female, feeding her beak-to-beak.”
So many natural wonders outside. Zinnias and lemon balm are growing in a small crack in the cement. Amazing how healthy these sturdy plants look! They adapted to a small strip of cement.
Trees are slowly shifting and changing colors, and turning the page.
Flowers are still blooming, like this salvia, while others are turning brown at the same time.
Last night I was thumbing through a magazine. The TV was background noise, and Charlie was sleeping at the end of the bed in his usual spot.
I turned the page, and there was a dog toward the bottom. I zeroed in on it immediately. It wasn’t a Yorkie, but it had Abi’s face and eyes. I was momentarily stunned. Gladdened and saddened at the same time, the two emotions warring with one another.
It was the four-month anniversary of losing her, and suddenly, what almost appeared to be her face stared back at me. I was breathless for a time. It had her funny face, her features in all the right places.
I couldn’t stop looking at the image, now seared into my memory. It was as if Abi had come back to me for a time. As if she had somehow reappeared to soothe me and wipe away my tears.
Oh, I didn’t want to lose her all over again. Grief overwhelms me daily because I miss her so much!
But then, finally, as in all things, in life, I had no choice but to turn the page.
Lovely sentiments and writing today .
I love that you saw the pix and it looked like Abi Rose .
I love her name ,How did you choose it ,perhaps you can share that with us sometime .
I love the smell and early signs of fall ! Here in the mountains of Tennessee we are beginning to see it !
Hugs to you and Charlie !
How very interesting seeing “Abbi” on the television, Brenda. Also, the occurances that the reader left in her response above mine. I do believe it’s possible our loved ones sometimes contact us via those kinds of happenings. I have never experienced anything like that but have read about them occurring. I think they are always meant to be benign and comforting.
Fall does seem to be inching closer but today is quite warm here. The nights are cool, though, which I love. I haven’t seen any cardinals in my yard recently but I do know that they mate for life. I wasn’t aware of their mating rituals like the male feeding the female. So many amazing and wonderful creatures on our beautiful planet. Even the earth worms whose lives I always save when I am digging in the dirt. And the poor bees that are suffering so from the chemicals that certain companies continue to produce and sell that poison them. I find it unconscionable. (Sp.?)
Hope you enjoy a quiet and peaceful evening. Sending a pat for Charlie and a hug for you. Take care.
My daughter died two years ago at the end of August. So, when September 1 hit 10 days ago, I felt a sense of relief I wasn’t expecting. It was like a wet blanket had been lifted from my head and shoulders, as if the formal mourning period was over. Boy, do I feel relieved to get to this point, even if it is just a temporary feeling. Yes, I definitely miss my daughter, but, it feels so good to have the sharp pain of the first year, and the general grouchiness of the second year, to be behind me. I know for a fact that feeling better does not mean I’ve forgotten my daughter. Instead I can remember her in a more clear way than when I was burdened with feelings of sadness, anger, and misplaced guilt.
As for the photo you saw that looked just like Abbi — in the first months after my daughter died I had a number of instances of things happening that seemed oddly related to her. It lessened over time, but still occasionally happens. I told the grief counselor about these things in the first year, and she indicated she had such things happen when her mother died. She was a credentialed professional and not a kook, so, I thought it was interesting that she seemed to support the notion that these occurrences aren’t just coincidental. I found objects that had belonged to my daughter in the strangest places considering she’d never been in this house, since we were moving into it the weekend that she died. Sure, I could reason that maybe I or my husband accidentally dropped the object that we found in a weird place. But, it only happened with things related to her, and not to my son or step-son or my husband and me. So, it just seemed very odd. For instance, I found her college ID laying on the grass in the back yard. That was so strange! Sure, I’d been moving boxes, and maybe it fell out of a box. But, it was so strange that it was her ID, and not something related to anyone else in the family.
So, you could have more such instances of seeing things that seem related to Abbi! I hope they can be a comfort to you.
Many wonders in nature, for sure!
I like nice fall weather, just not the shorter days. I do love the oblique angle of the sun in fall and the particular light it gives.
Beautiful pictures and sentiment.
Brenda,
I held my breath just reading this. As far as Fall, it’s always been a Season I look forward to. Not this year though. I’ve been wanting time to just stop until I’m ready to move forward. As you well know though, it doesn’t wait for us.
Susan
I used to grieve the ending of summer, but this year I am kinda looking forward to it. I know I will not enjoy the cold winter weather, especially if we get a lot of snow.
I have been stocking up my pantry, filling my freezer and assessing my winter wardrobe to see what I need to purchase. If it snows, I will hunker down and stay inside where it is warm and cook lots of good recipes like stew, chili, soups, and casseroles. I will miss fresh fruit every day, but will most likely turn to oranges and apples.
The mornings are turning crisp and cool and I have stopped wearing crop pants first thing in the morning while taking Lily out, and am now wearing sweat pants which of course by noon I have to change out of into my summer stuff.
I am watching the tree leaves turning brittle, and starting to fall. so far no signs of leaves turning yellow and orange and for some reason I do not remember what they did last year.
Good morning Brenda,
The beauty in nature is spectacular, from the fungi that pop up seemingly overnight to the flowers, butterflies, bugs, and more.
You can never loose your Abi Rose, she in in your hear my friend.
I hope that you and Charlie have a wonderful day!