Sisters & Maybe Friends
My youngest sister’s name was changed when she was adopted.
It was then that she became Marietta.
She went through life never knowing about our parents. Or her other siblings. Or me.
But now we’re learning some very unique things about one another.
Marietta keeps to herself. She is surrounded by her beloved pets. She prefers their company to that of humans.
She says she always speaks her mind. She tends to be blunt, to say what she thinks when she thinks it.
She admits to always being uncomfortable around people, and to being socially awkward. Still feels that way.
She says she was a social outcast as a child. She was different. Not better than. Not less than.
In first grade, Marietta read on a 12th grade level. She received an “A” in Speed Reading.
Proper grammar is important to her. She’s excels at spelling.
She has told me that in the last few years, she has wondered if there is some degree of savant skills in her brain function.
These last few years, though, things have become harder for her, due to MS. Things take longer than they once did.
With her specific MS, the plague lesions are on her brain instead of her spinal cord. She says it causes cognitive functions to go awry.
The last couple of weeks I have learned more about her than I would have known in
a lifetime, had she not taken one of those ancestry DNA tests.
I am fascinated by all these traits she has. Because it sounds so very much like someone I know.
I wonder if this is happenstance. But somehow I just don’t think so.
Marietta had a history she knew nothing about. And a past she wished she never knew at all.
We can think about “if onlys” till the cows come home. But that won’t change anything.
We can only take this very day we’re given, and make what we can of it.
I don’t claim to understand why things happen the way they do. I just roll with the tide and hope to live to see another day. And maybe another one after that.
Somehow I’ve been given this gift, suddenly, of someone who shares my blood. And possibly much, much more.
Which for some reason brings to mind a quote I’ve always loved by Robert Frost. It goes like this:
“We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”
I, too, wish you and your sister a rewarding and comforting relationship with each other. Despite the extreme differences in your histories, I believe that if you start from where each of you is at present and let the past be in the past you will be able to have a loving and supportive relationship with Marietta. If that is what you want, of course. I wish you both well as you travel this new path.
Thanks for sharing this most personal part of your life, Brenda.
It's wonderful that you have found each other and are getting to know each other as friends and sisters 🙂
Hello Brenda, Such great news- a sister. I love your Blog and can relate very much to the topics you post. Including preferring being alone- but not lonely…and so much more. Your honesty shines through your Blog posts! About the ups and downs, decorating on a budget- the cuteness of the pooches…. I ALWAYS look forward to your posts. No matter the title and just love your magic with rearranging as I do the same as well. Much love and happiness too you and your new found sister- friend. Deanna (Montreal, Canada).
Brenda, have you done one of the DNA tests by the same company as your sister? If not, I think it would be a very wise thing to do. That way the coumpany would verify the match . That way a confidence scheme by this supposed sister could be ruled out and you could proceed secure in the knowledge this is really your family,
This really sounds wonderful, Brenda, to find two sisters. But I am sceptical that this may be a scam. For what reason, I don't know. Please be cautious. Anyone could have made this up if they have been reading up on your stories of yourself here on the blog. That would be a perfect way to gain your confidence, to pretend to have the same traits as you. Ask your sister if she could forward the results directly from the ancestry site or for her to take a photo of the screen and send it to you. I don't want to pop your happiness at finding the sisters but you must take care and get proof.
I am sure that once you meet, she will realize that your relationship can certainly enhance her life. We all need family for support and unconditional love.
This could be something special for both of you…hoping it works out for you, Brenda!
It sounds like you are so very much alike and it's not too late to know her. What a gift!
It's so exciting for you to find out about your sister! I hope that you can meet in person at some point. That would be the best.
How did you find each other? You mentioned DNA. Was it through Ancestory.com? I'd love to do a DNA if it could connect me to family. I read your description of your sister and kept thinking it sounded like your description of yourself. Can't wait to hear more when the time is right. Happy for you. Sandra
This is so interesting! Do you think you will ever meet her in person?
Brenda, this is just amazing, and nothing short of a miracle. I'm so glad you've found each other. I'm hoping your bond will grow and become stronger, and be not only sisters, but friends.
That would be quite nice if it happens. Thanks Debra.
Write a book, Brenda. You've got it in you!
I don't know if I'd have the patience for an entire book.
Oh, my goodness..This sounds like a miracle, really it does. I pray you will meet in person, someday soon..Have you talked on the phone, exchanged e-mails, or letters? How did you come to "talk" to each other? Wow, it is just so wonderful!!
We haven't yet talked on the phone. Just traded emails back and forth.
Wow Brenda…it as if you were describing yourself…I would venture a guess that she too has Aspergers…I hope so much that you two can have a great relationship!
I would venture that she is. She hates crowds and noisy places too.
This development is fascinating on its own, and very interesting considering it is going on at the same time you've been pondering the estrangement with your eldest daughter. Two relationships moving in two different directions.
Kind of like the saying: When one door closes, another one opens. Or is it the window? I forget. While I've been grieving one, suddenly this happens.
I found some half siblings when I found my birth Dad many years ago. We connected and it was great but once Birth Dad died we lost touch. I hope you can keep a connection with your sister, you sound very much alike.
I guess we'll just see how this plays out.
Im thinking this is a positive reunion. You have similar things in common . How did she find you.
First grader on a 12th grade reading level, wow. Amazing how you both have high IQs, I'm assuming.
Excited for you to learn more. Do you look alike?
I don't know. I've never seen a photo of her.
Very happy for you, Brenda – what a gift, family. May you enjoy each other and the relationship you will build as it suits you, for many years to come.
Thanks, Karen. This has all been so surprising.
I am very happy to hear you have reconnected to your sister. This budding friendship will provide many answers/insights into yourself. I can look at my siblings (there are 9 of us) and I can recognize many of their traits in my own ways of thinking and doing things. Some are not so pretty to look at, others are good. Enjoy the process.
One sister seems like two members of my family. This one sounds quite a bit like me.
One never quite knows what each new day will bring us but I think you've found another beautiful flower to include in your garden. Marietta seems to share some very similar traits with you. It must be quite astonishing to meet someone who so quickly has felt safe enough speaking with you to share her personality traits with you. You are marvellous, Brenda! I hope that in time, the both of you will be able to process all this newfound information about your family and each other.
I love new flowers blooming in my garden.
there is an east indian saying that everyone comes into our lives for a reason… and at the right time.
wishing you and marietta the BEST in all these wonderful new discoveries. one day at a time. xo
I am so very pleased for you. You've written about how important family is, and I sincerely hope this is the beginning of a new connectedness to a person who certainly is family. I wish you and your sister the gift of time so that you can listen to each other and let a new relationship bloom.
Yes, I hope so too.
I think it's fabulous that you have connected with your sister. My daughter is just starting to make contact with her Romanian birth family, with whom I've been in touch ever since we adopted her. They love her so much, what a blessing!
Mary, I so admire that you kept up with her family. You'll have lots of info for her.
Life certainly has a way of surprising us. I hope this relationship turns out to be a fulfilling one for you both.
Life does have a way of jolting you our of complacency.
I am so happy for you Brenda! Finding out about your siblings has got to be wonderful. I wonder if you'll be able to get together at some point & visit? I'll be waiting to hear more of your family. Take care…
I really never saw this coming.
I'm so thrilled for you. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship and kinship. Can't wait to hear more..
I hope you and your sister have a growing relationship that enhances both of your lives.
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