And So I Bought A Tree
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So, yesterday, I bought a tree. I decided to swing by Southwoods Nursery on my way to the grocery store. It’s just a few miles from my apartment.
When I want to relax and not be inside a store, that’s often where I head. I like to walk around, listen to the water fountains, and just enjoy being outdoors among so many plants, birds, and butterflies.
It’s kind of heaven on earth.
Naturally, my cart went right to the Japanese Maples.
The tree specialist came up to me, and we talked about trees. I mentioned the Japanese Maple. But once we came to the Jade Butterfly tree and he explained why he likes them so much, I was sold.
I told him that I love the turning of leaves in the fall. The Jade Butterfly turns a bright yellow. And when you open up a leaf with your fingers, it resembles a butterfly in shape.
Future Size of My Tree:
It can grow 12-15 feet tall. And it can grow up to 10 feet wide. Hardiness is Zone 4-9.
I got a pot they told me was the right size, their potting mix, and one of those rolling plant gizmos so I can move it around. And of course the tree.
I’ve invested $125 total in this tree. It is like furniture for my patio. It is the bones of my garden space. And you know what they say about good bones.
I then headed to the grocery store, sipping on the sweet tea I’d picked up. For some irrational reason, I was so pleased with myself.
My mind drifted back to when I lived in Texas, when my confidence was at rock bottom.
I remembered how scared I was to even think of venturing out on my own at age 54. Moving to another state with the pupsters and starting a new life.
I still recall looking in the rear-view mirror at my beloved home. With my pond, flower gardens, and huge pavilion.
I told myself: This is the last time you will see that house. And I flipped up the turn signal and turned right on my way out of town.
That very day, my ex was moving back into what was our home with his girlfriend. It was no longer my house. It would be her house.
I wondered: Do I even know what I’m doing? Can I really pull off this whole new life thing?
I Am Thriving:
And here I am more than six years later. Thriving. I’m 60 now, and a little worse for wear with the ankle injury.
I lived in a little blue house for a while. But after the injury, I couldn’t handle the steps carrying groceries, and so I moved to this patio apartment.
Life isn’t perfect. But it’s good. It’s really good.
My confidence is no longer on the floor. It’s going up, up, up with no end in sight. I did it. I found a way to make money and take care of us.
Have you ever seen that TV commercial of the Black woman who takes an ancestry test to find out which nationality she is?
She puts on this big hat, looks in the mirror, and says: “It’s just a hat. But it’s the most important hat I’ve ever owned!”
Well, this is just a tree. But it’s the most important tree I’ve ever owned. Because it’s part of my new confident life.
I have my patio set to rights with the removal of the problematic trees. And I have this whole new appreciation and excitement about that patio. Silly as that may sound.
I will live here indefinitely. For the most part, I’m happy here.
I Adapt:
I may live in the city, but I can and do have a nice urban garden. And I had a gazebo for a year and loved it, but it was not long for this world in the brisk, sometimes brutal Oklahoma winds.
That’s okay. I make the best of things. I adapt.
In gardening terms, I’m a perennial.
Tree and groceries in tow, I got home and realized that I had a sunroof on my Pathfinder. I have not used it since I moved to Oklahoma because I somehow forgot all about it.
Had not given it a single thought.
I realized that the young man who put my tree in the car didn’t really have to angle it in the front just so it would fit. I could have opened the sunroof that I somehow forgot about for over six years, and the tree could have stuck out the sunroof.
This made me laugh. I’m such a dufus about a lot of things. I forget how to turn on my car lights because I rarely use them. So when the weather gets stormy, and it gets dark, I have to figure them out all over again.
But one thing I know for sure: when I fall down, I pick myself back up. I may cry. But I rectify the situation as best I can. And I move on stronger than I was before.
Life Goes On:
You win some, you lose some. Life goes on.
It doesn’t really matter what happens to you. It’s how you deal with what happens to you that really counts.
I don’t need a man. I don’t even want a male companion. And he said I couldn’t make it without a man to take care of me.
As I drove down the road I’ve driven many times, I realized that the home I was driving to is just an apartment.
But it’s the most important place I’ve ever lived.
What I’ve learned: Live in the now. Don’t try to look too far ahead.
Life is ever-changing. Sometimes it picks you up and plops you down somewhere you never thought you’d land.
But what is important is that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.
Yay for your new tree!
Funny how the worm turns. You are thriving on you own, and the ex is/was on a downward spiral.
Yes, funny how the worn turns! Love it!
Very inspiring post, Brenda. I love that you're discovering the strength in yourself that was there all along, and I love hearing the joy in your words. If only more people could appreciate that the small things in life are really the big things in life.
Funny how we reach deep within ourselves and realize that we were stronger than we thought we were.
Oh, Brenda, it's been too long since I've visited. I just love this post. I'm going to go back and try to catch up a bit. And thank you for your kind words about Mr. Buffy. I'm so happy I found him. I think some things are meant to be, and he is one of them for sure! Have a great weekend!
Donna
We miss you in Blogland, Donna!
Oh…I love this post! Your new tree is lovely…but the sentiment behind it is so very powerful! I'm so happy for you…and the confidence to make a go of your new life I always knew you had. You are a strong woman Brenda! Enjoy your day! 😉
I love you readers! I love having you on my journey because I always learn from you gals too!
What a wonderful post Brenda. Thank you. I Was never confident until the menopause hit and then suddenly I was, I was speaking up when I saw an injustice to myself or others etc etc. I looked at myself in a different way and I too said 'I can do this'about a lot of things I wanted to do but never had the courage before. My husband and sister were amazed.
Anyway absolutely must mention the tree, I love love love it!! I have made a note of the name, now have to see what zone we are in. I have never seen a tree like that before so maybe we don't have them in this area of Canada or at all.
Love to hear about your life and how you have come thru and are where you are today. You have a lovely house and garden which I really enjoy seeing along with the pupsters of course.
Pretty much the same thing happened to me. I was 48. It took me awhile to realize my strength. Really I guess it took me to my fifties to listen to my gut.
Thank you Brenda, it's been a rough week and I needed this post. I love your patio. I have been renting where I live for 8 years now and am just starting to get into the love it while you rent it mindset, can't wait to see where it takes Me! Gina
It's so important to love where you live! I won't ever be able to own another home unless a miracle occurs. So I have learned to love my rented homes.
Beautifully written ~ thank you for sharing your feelings. Words we all need to be reminded of ~
Thank you! Sharing feelings is something I encourage you to do here. We're all here for one another!
I think that's why I was so pleased with myself yesterday. I felt like a tree.
THE HAT IN THE COMMERCIAL IS A GELE.
THE TREE IS YOUR GELE. IT HELPS TO CONFIRM WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW, THAT YOU ARE A STRONG, INDEPENDENT LADY.
"YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY" AND YOU ARE AWESOME.
THE TREE WILL BE LOVELY ON YOUR PATIO, AND I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HOW YOU "STAGE" IT AMONG YOUR MANY LOVELY GARDEN PIECES.
SNUGGLES TO THE PUPSTERS
Hi Brenda~
Wonderful post, and wonderful advise for everyone! Isn't it amazing how a tree can make you feel so strong and resilient? I don't really know you, only through your posts, but I can tell that you are just like that tree; you might bend, but its going to take a lot for you to break! You are a strong, courageous woman! And, I love your new tree!
Hugs,
Barb
I've almost broken a time or two. But I manage to live on.
Wonderful post. What a pretty new tree for the patio.
I just repotted it and have been rolling it around the patio, trying to find a home for it.
Your new tree is wonderful. It is going to be perfect for your patio.
I so love butterflies, I just had to choose a Jade Butterfly tree.
Great post, Brenda-congratulations for how far you've come! Now, you KNOW you have to name that tree…..
You all help me. What shall I name it?
The Tree of Life. Here's a definition of the phrase:
In this way, the tree of life is a symbol of a fresh start on life, positive energy, good health and a bright future. As a symbol of immortality. A tree grows old, yet it bears seeds that contain its very essence and in this way, the tree becomes immortal. As a symbol of growth and strength.
Brenda I am so proud of you! It's a hard lesson for many of us women to learn and I'm there with you. I love my home and my simple pleasures in life;grandchildren, books, plants, watercolor painting and solitude! The tree is amazing!
You and I have both been down that road. We ended up on some dead ends, but we managed to find clear road.
You have much to be proud of with all you have accomplished.
This was a very inspirational post and I loved it. I started over also at 60 years of age. It was scary but I persevered and here I am 14 years later and I have a very good life. WITHOUT A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME!
So many women stay in unfulfilling relationships because it it scary to be alone. Yes, but somehow we all make it and are the better for it.
I wrote it for women like you and me. And for those that are thinking about starting again, but are afraid to take that step. It took me years to get there.
Great post Brenda! Love the new tree!
Tania
Thanks, Tania! I love it too.
What a strong post! Love your stamina and determination…and love that tree, XOXO
It sure is an emblematic tree for me. A butterfly tree.
Insightful post with wisdom galore! Thank you for reminding us strength arises and we are forever learning and growing. Life is a chapter lived one page at a time; we might want to read the ending "right now", but we would miss so much between the journey. Have to go smell those roses and be grateful for Today!
You are so right! We often try to look so far ahead. But that is needless. We never know what will happen along the road.
I feel like you wrote that post for me today, Brenda. I'm going through some stuff right now and I really needed that!
I'm so glad! Email me if you need a friend to listen.
Wise words today, Brenda. The tree looks just right in your space. Was the scientific name for tge tree on its tag? It looks like it might be in the Gingko family. If it is, they are supposed to be very hardy in urban conditions as well as rural areas. You may have read the book from long ago called 'A Tree Grows In Brooklyn'. One of my mum's favourite books and of course, I had to read it too and also enjoyed it. The tree in that story was a Gingko.
It says: Ginggo Biloba.
Sorry. I was trying to read without my glasses on and type: Ginkgo Biloba
Ginkgos are one of my favorites! They are bright yellow in fall. They are also called the maidenhair tree, because the leaves look like maidenhair fern. You know Ginkgo Biloba is one of the natural remedies–I think for memory. Ginkgoes have little fruit on them, so that's probably what they make it out of. Love them!! They always make me smile.
The ginkgo is called a living fossil because it dates from the time of the dinosaurs, virtually unchanged. There couldn't be a better example of a survivor than that type of tree. It is obviously perfect for you. Two strong survivors, thriving together.
Great blog! Love your writing! I truly believe you could make a living writing. How about a book from you. Maybe a compilation of your blog posts from the time you left to now with your new confidence.
The way I look at, I guess I do make a living writing. Or almost anyway. Maybe someday.
BRAVA!!!
this little post is a tour de force in how to simply stay calm and carry on. I've always admired that slogan. and how it came about with the brits in WWII. especially reading about those who endured the blitz.
there was/is an inner strength. and it just grows and grows. like that beloved little tree will.
it'a a joyous day! here's to all new kinds of beginnigs all around! brava dear lady! xo
I like it too. Such strong words.
Oh my gosh, I love this post! Happy for you about your tree, too. It is beautiful and will give you joy for years to come.
Every time I look at it, I think of my new beginnings and also that of my new little tree.
I love this post.
Thanks, Debby!
As I was reading your post I was thinking, "me, me, me." I was the one who left and never looked back. I faced some tough times but always survived, like you. He said I would starve to death, ha, I have been so happy and thankful that I took the step and improved my lot in life. As I read your posts I think we have so much in common we could have been sisters or cousins. I love your choice of trees. I am looking forward to seeing it grow in your loving care.
He told me the same thing. I'd end up in the gutter. I'd starve to death. Yet he's the one that wouldn't stay even one night by himself. Had to move his girlfriend in with him the very day of our divorce hearing. Now I see it was his lack of confidence that made him do the things he did.
This is a wonderful post, Brenda. It reminds us all that we are in control of our own lives. I love your new tree and what it represents in your life. xo Laura
Thanks, Laura! We've both been in hard places and persevered.
You go girl. Life is good.
It surely is. The glass is half full.
I also needed to hear those words this morning. Thank you Brenda! The tree is beautiful and will add so much to your patio. Since your tree is in a pot, how will it handled the winter months when the temperatures go below freezing? I admire you Brenda for all you have accomplished and was reading your blog when you lived in Texas. You have come a long way and you made it on your own..
They said it should be okay in this pot. To protect it when the wind is blowing. And to keep it watered through the winter. Guess I'll see.
Love this post, too Brenda. Usually, with any large potted tree or shrub, as long as the pot can drain you shouldn't have any problem with freezing or overwintering. Love your city garden!
What a beautiful tree! and a beautiful post. It's nice to be able to reflect and see just how far we've come sometimes. You are awesome!
Sometimes when we "put pen to paper" we realize things we may not have thought about otherwise.
Thank you, Brenda. I needed these words this morning. I love your patio oasis. I am anxious to see the tree leaves open and look like butterflies! How beautiful!
Have a wonderful weekend!
I'm glad I was able to supply them for you! I'm anxious to watch my little tree grow.
Brenda you are always inspiring to us! Always looking forward to your blog. may you continue to help others thru it as you always have. <3 to you and punsters
Sorry, pup sters (i hate autocorrect)
I'm so happy that my words helped out in some small way.