And So I Bought A Tree
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So, yesterday, I bought a tree. I decided to swing by Southwoods Nursery on my way to the grocery store. It’s just a few miles from my apartment.
When I want to relax and not be inside a store, that’s often where I head. I like to walk around, listen to the water fountains, and just enjoy being outdoors among so many plants, birds, and butterflies.
It’s kind of heaven on earth.
Naturally, my cart went right to the Japanese Maples.
The tree specialist came up to me, and we talked about trees. I mentioned the Japanese Maple. But once we came to the Jade Butterfly tree and he explained why he likes them so much, I was sold.
I told him that I love the turning of leaves in the fall. The Jade Butterfly turns a bright yellow. And when you open up a leaf with your fingers, it resembles a butterfly in shape.
Future Size of My Tree:
It can grow 12-15 feet tall. And it can grow up to 10 feet wide. Hardiness is Zone 4-9.
I got a pot they told me was the right size, their potting mix, and one of those rolling plant gizmos so I can move it around. And of course the tree.
I’ve invested $125 total in this tree. It is like furniture for my patio. It is the bones of my garden space. And you know what they say about good bones.
I then headed to the grocery store, sipping on the sweet tea I’d picked up. For some irrational reason, I was so pleased with myself.
My mind drifted back to when I lived in Texas, when my confidence was at rock bottom.
I remembered how scared I was to even think of venturing out on my own at age 54. Moving to another state with the pupsters and starting a new life.
I still recall looking in the rear-view mirror at my beloved home. With my pond, flower gardens, and huge pavilion.
I told myself: This is the last time you will see that house. And I flipped up the turn signal and turned right on my way out of town.
That very day, my ex was moving back into what was our home with his girlfriend. It was no longer my house. It would be her house.
I wondered: Do I even know what I’m doing? Can I really pull off this whole new life thing?
I Am Thriving:
And here I am more than six years later. Thriving. I’m 60 now, and a little worse for wear with the ankle injury.
I lived in a little blue house for a while. But after the injury, I couldn’t handle the steps carrying groceries, and so I moved to this patio apartment.
Life isn’t perfect. But it’s good. It’s really good.
My confidence is no longer on the floor. It’s going up, up, up with no end in sight. I did it. I found a way to make money and take care of us.
Have you ever seen that TV commercial of the Black woman who takes an ancestry test to find out which nationality she is?
She puts on this big hat, looks in the mirror, and says: “It’s just a hat. But it’s the most important hat I’ve ever owned!”
Well, this is just a tree. But it’s the most important tree I’ve ever owned. Because it’s part of my new confident life.
I have my patio set to rights with the removal of the problematic trees. And I have this whole new appreciation and excitement about that patio. Silly as that may sound.
I will live here indefinitely. For the most part, I’m happy here.
I Adapt:
I may live in the city, but I can and do have a nice urban garden. And I had a gazebo for a year and loved it, but it was not long for this world in the brisk, sometimes brutal Oklahoma winds.
That’s okay. I make the best of things. I adapt.
In gardening terms, I’m a perennial.
Tree and groceries in tow, I got home and realized that I had a sunroof on my Pathfinder. I have not used it since I moved to Oklahoma because I somehow forgot all about it.
Had not given it a single thought.
I realized that the young man who put my tree in the car didn’t really have to angle it in the front just so it would fit. I could have opened the sunroof that I somehow forgot about for over six years, and the tree could have stuck out the sunroof.
This made me laugh. I’m such a dufus about a lot of things. I forget how to turn on my car lights because I rarely use them. So when the weather gets stormy, and it gets dark, I have to figure them out all over again.
But one thing I know for sure: when I fall down, I pick myself back up. I may cry. But I rectify the situation as best I can. And I move on stronger than I was before.
Life Goes On:
You win some, you lose some. Life goes on.
It doesn’t really matter what happens to you. It’s how you deal with what happens to you that really counts.
I don’t need a man. I don’t even want a male companion. And he said I couldn’t make it without a man to take care of me.
As I drove down the road I’ve driven many times, I realized that the home I was driving to is just an apartment.
But it’s the most important place I’ve ever lived.
What I’ve learned: Live in the now. Don’t try to look too far ahead.
Life is ever-changing. Sometimes it picks you up and plops you down somewhere you never thought you’d land.
But what is important is that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.
Once upon a time over 10+ yrs ago I had a ex who di me wrong and said I would never make it. I did and I have a hisband and life better than I ever imagined. Good things do come!
It's just getting out the door and moving on that's so hard initially.
I have a good feeling about this little tree, that it is going to grow and thrive under your care. xox
It's losing its leaves now.
I love your new tree. Love it!
Don't ever underestimate yourself.
You can do anything!
Monica
I think women do underestimate ourselves a lot. Boys are raised to be more confident.
We are strong and more capable of so much that we sometimes don't give ourselves enough credit. You go girl! I'm looking forward to watching that beautiful tree grow and continue to be inspired by your beautiful garden and if I may say so your cute "quirky" apartment. I'll never get tired of seeing photos of Abi and Charlie. Have a wonderful Monday! Carol
Abi loves to have her photo taken.
Great post!
The tree is perfect, you are a survivor, and I still enjoy coming to your blog and reading what you are up to. It's been awhile but I'm recently back to blogging. Come visit me sometime.
Susanne 🙂
I was just over there after I saw your comment on another post. I will!
Your words are so, so true, Brenda. And so inspiring. I am facing the possibility of making a big change in my living situation right now and after thirty-some years in this house I am going through a lot of angst thinking about moving and living somewhere else. But I've decided, like you, to just live in the now and let the Universe be in charge. I will adapt to whatever comes.
I'm so thrilled that you bought that tree! It's such a very positive sign that you can not only adapt to the current situation but make lemonade out of it! I know that doesn't make sense, but you know what I mean!
That tree is a symbol of your ability to "make it" all on your own.
Thanks for sharing so much of your life, Brenda. It never fails to inspire me, for sure. I think I'm almost as excited about that tree as I would be if it was mine!
The tree belongs to all of us in some ways. I think the tree was a momentous decision. A plant is one thing. A tree is more permanent somehow.
I feel I can use you as an inspirational example for patients I work with. Thank you.
How sweet of you to say!
I must say, your tree looks just as at home in your little oasis as you do. Congratulations on the success of making it on your own. Your post could have been about me. I remember looking back at my home on the hill in the middle of the culdesac and thinking, I hope I am making the right decision. I loved my home and I still loved him at the time as well. But I could not tolerate the alcohol. So to you – kudos and congratulations and GREAT trea!
Guess we're in the same club then. It's hard to leave all that. But peace is more important.
Amen girl! To paraphrase Forrest Gump – "Life is like a box of chocolates" and you really never do know what life is going to throw at you. Breathe deep, exhale slowly and put one foot in front of the other and just go forward. I enjoy reading your blog and am glad you are here online for us.
And I'm so glad to have you all as friends. You light up my day!
A butterfly tree. How perfect!! And you, my dear, are
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you!
What an inspiration you are! So positive and upbeat but I know that wasn't always the case but you've pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and gone on to make a life for yourself and your pupsters. Congratulations for doing that so many don't have that resilience.
Love your tree and the entire patio. You definitely have a green thumb and the creativity to make the patio beautiful.
I SO love gardening, wherever I am!
Brenda I just loved this post! 🙂 Kind of reminded me of moving on from a bad marriage, buying my place, and starting to plant trees and bushes here ( Putting Down NEW roots 🙂
There are so many of us. And it seems we are friends right here, bloggers and readers alike.
Very well said and very true. What you said can apply to so many situations. Being able to make our own decisions is freeing. Leaving your "old " life behind took alot of guts but look at you now. I am so happy for you and I know you will enjoy your tree for many yesrs.
It can apply to many situations. I never thought I'd be so glad to make my own decisions.
Oooooeee, what a post! You are one tough cookie and your words are such an inspiration (obviously…look at the responses). I went through my own transition many years ago and learned that I, too, am resilient. Yes. I. Am. And so are you and all the others who've written here today. And Michelle, you can do this.
By the way, Brenda, your tree is lovely. I hope it grows as straight and strong as you have.
Mindy
We are a unique club of women, and we keep each other strong.
Just a beautiful post. Lovely words and fabulous attitude and perseverance. Sometime things are meant to be and it sounds as if the tree and the day was meant to be.
I do love my Jade Butterfly tree!
Beautiful post. I read your posts every day. I have watched you change. You did pick yourself up. You have kept moving forward. You are an inspiration to many. Life is hard, but there is so much beauty we just have to have eyes to see it. Thanks Brenda, you turned lemons into lemonaid.
With the help of all of you friends!
I have often thought about leaving a comment but haven't. I have followed you for a long time and I'm encouraged by your journey. This post struck a cord with me today, you see I'm in the process of picking myself back up and it's slow and painful at times but I'm starting to feel like I might make it after all. Thank you :O)
Emailed you. We will be here for you as you pick yourself up and dust yourself off!
Brenda, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. My past came back and slapped me today, hard. A past that I truly thought I was over and done with. We all have our pasts, our trials, and it doesn't really matter what they are because they all have a common thread of hurt. What hurts me may not even register on your scale, and visa versa, but we are all connected as women and tend to understand each other in this regard.
I needed to hear your words today in a big way and remember I am not alone — even if my experience isolates me. Thank you.
We are truly here for you! Feel free to email me as well.
Oh Brenda, once again such an inspiring post. You give so much strength to so many women. Yes, you do need to write a book. Your words and photos will fill it in no time. I've been with you Force a very LONG time and I remember in Texas how you'd drive out into the country and write of its beauty. I loved your patio there but I love this one even more. It will be exciting to see the tree thrive under your care.
Annette, yes you've been with me for so long. You sent me one of your garden plants when I first moved to Tulsa, and I so appreciated it!
In many ways this may be one of your most important posts. You say so many wise things that describe who you have become – on your own! All of us women can learn from your words Brenda. Why is it that so many of us women, in this age group especially, were raised without confidence. I made great grades when I was in school but it never seemed that important to my parents. My mother was more concerned that I be thin and pretty and find a good husband. So many of us simply did not grow up learning that we could support ourselves, live on our own and be happy doing so! I am so proud of you Brenda and I can and need to learn so much from you!
It was just another time. That confidence was often just not instilled in us.
I love the choice of the tree! It was meant for your cozy patio. May it grow strong and provide you with many years of shade and butterflies to watch.
I didn't think I could get so excited over a tree!