Letting Her Go

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Letting her go was quite possibly the saddest day of my life.

On Wednesday, when I picked Abi up at the vet’s office, he took me aside to talk.

He told me that the most humane thing for her would be for him to come to my apartment and give Abi a shot. And not let her suffer.

With her at home, she would no longer receive the IV fluids and vitamins she’s been getting at his office. But he told me there was nothing else we could do for her.

So we decided that he would come over yesterday so I could keep her at home with me.

Just before noon, he called to say he was on his way, with one of the girls from their office to assist him.

Letting Her Go:

Abi had not left my bed all morning. I moved her to the couch to their soft dog bed. Charlie and I were next to her when he gave her the shot.

I tried to be as calm as I could for Abi’s sake. Just kept talking to her, telling her I loved her. Watching the light leave my baby’s eyes, letting her go, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.

When The Light In Their Eyes Is Gone:

When the light is gone, you know they are gone too. There was no way around letting her go because she was suffering.

I was about to fall apart, so I scooped up Charlie and went out to the patio while they did whatever they do after a pet dies.

After a while, his assistant came to the patio door and told me they were leaving. In other words, taking my baby’s body away.

I nodded. There was nothing left to say. I had to let her go.

They took Abi to be cremated. At least I will have her ashes here at home with me. That gives me some degree of comfort, I suppose.

Charlie and I are consoling one another as best we can. He can’t figure out where Abi is. We are grieving.

When you try not to think about something because it hurts so much, then that’s exactly what you think about. It’s like something sitting in the middle of the road, and you can’t drive your car past it.

I want to thank all of you so much for your kind words, comments, and emails. It means a lot to me.