Letting Her Go
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Letting her go was quite possibly the saddest day of my life.
On Wednesday, when I picked Abi up at the vet’s office, he took me aside to talk.
He told me that the most humane thing for her would be for him to come to my apartment and give Abi a shot. And not let her suffer.
With her at home, she would no longer receive the IV fluids and vitamins she’s been getting at his office. But he told me there was nothing else we could do for her.
So we decided that he would come over yesterday so I could keep her at home with me.
Just before noon, he called to say he was on his way, with one of the girls from their office to assist him.
Letting Her Go:
Abi had not left my bed all morning. I moved her to the couch to their soft dog bed. Charlie and I were next to her when he gave her the shot.
I tried to be as calm as I could for Abi’s sake. Just kept talking to her, telling her I loved her. Watching the light leave my baby’s eyes, letting her go, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
When The Light In Their Eyes Is Gone:
When the light is gone, you know they are gone too. There was no way around letting her go because she was suffering.
I was about to fall apart, so I scooped up Charlie and went out to the patio while they did whatever they do after a pet dies.
After a while, his assistant came to the patio door and told me they were leaving. In other words, taking my baby’s body away.
I nodded. There was nothing left to say. I had to let her go.
They took Abi to be cremated. At least I will have her ashes here at home with me. That gives me some degree of comfort, I suppose.
Charlie and I are consoling one another as best we can. He can’t figure out where Abi is. We are grieving.
When you try not to think about something because it hurts so much, then that’s exactly what you think about. It’s like something sitting in the middle of the road, and you can’t drive your car past it.
I want to thank all of you so much for your kind words, comments, and emails. It means a lot to me.
Your vet was very kind to do that for you and Abi. I know there are no words to make this transition any easier for you and Charlie. But I do pray for your peace.
I was wondering if Abi had suffered. You did the right thing, but oh how hard it is! It’s not something I wish for anyone to go through, but I suppose those who have fur babies knows that terrible day will come. But it’s so worth it.
Thank you for sharing Abi’s passing. It has helped me to better understand losing my fur baby. You are a wonderful person who cares for other people and fur babies. And I am so glad to know that you are having Abi cremated. She will always be with you. I wish I could take away your pain, but only time will help with that. God bless you and Charlie.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear Abi. Thank you for sharing her life with your readers. I read your blog every day and think of you as a friend. You have been such a wonderful mother to your pups. Abi and Charlie are the reason I have my yorkies Milo and Molly!
I know it was a comfort to Abi to have you and Charle there by her side as she slipped away. You have a wonderful vet to come to your house like that. Charlie will understand where Abi has gone. I’ve got tears in my eyes at what you have gone through. Our little dogs live forever in our hearts.
I am so sorry to hear this sad news. You have always been such a wonderful caregiver to your dogs. (and cats, previously). Truly, this was your last, selfless act for Abi.
How nice of the vet to come to the house and bring his assistant to help care for Abi. I feel as tho he was greatly concerned for you, too. I know your heart is aching so much now. I’ve followed you with those pups for years and I know the void she will leave. Charlie needs lots of love and cuddles now too so I’m sure he will console you.
Brenda,
What a gift of love you gave to your sweet Abi. You and Charlie continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Brenda ~ bless you for doing the absolutely right thing for your beloved Abi. And blessings on your wonderful vet and his staff, for coming to you. I had been worried about a possible ride home for you.
May the wonderful memories you have of Abi Rose sustain you in the days and months to come. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve.
More cyber hugs coming your way ~
A caring and compassionate vet. I do not think many will make a house call these days. It’s SOOOOOO hard to decide to put a beloved pet to sleep, but you did the right thing for your girl after trying medical intervention and care. Abi did not suffer, that’s the most important thing. I hope you won’t second guess yourself, Brenda. The pain will pass with time. The joy and love and memories of Abi will live on.
Oh Brenda. We chose the exact same thing for our Abby when it was time. We felt it would be less stressful for her to have the shot administered at home. I know there are a lot of us crying along with you. I’m glad you have Charlie with you. Take good care
So, so hard and painful. Very proud of you for staying calm for the sake of Abi.
Dear Brenda,
In 2013, I broke up with someone whom I was with for twelve years. We had just gotten the house of my dreams and had gotten engaged. Up until that final year, I thought I’d had the world on a string. I had a rescued black Labrador that he had gotten for my birthday and I had a chocolate Labrador that showed up one day. Anyway, the future between us fizzled, I had to move in with my mom for six months until I could find a little house I could afford and love.
When I moved in, my chocolate lab had gotten so sick. I took her to three different doctors and finally the last one found the cancerous tumor that was causing me to lose her.
I ended up losing her on Christmas Eve that year, and it almost broke me. I had lost so much and was trying to start over from nothing. But my black lab and I found that we could make a life, and with the help of your blog helping me enjoy my new found freedom to make my own cozy home, we managed, and you helped. I thank you for that.
In the summer, I rescued a wonderful older Bichon from a local dog rescue program run by people who just love animals.
We made a garden, took walks and my babies made me laugh and forget the hurt. I became a dog foster mama. I felt like I had a purpose.
I had to lay my black Labrador to rest this winter. It was so hard to say goodbye to my angel who gave me strength. But he taught me to keep going and to continue to love. I have my bichon and a little mutt whom I became a foster failure for, and we are making our way.
I just want you to know that I thank you very much for your stories and your openness in sharing your life. You have helped me with my heartbreak, and I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that you give back so much. My heart goes out to you and the silence that has entered your life. I hope you and Charlie possibly find another companion- there are so many, especially, the older ones, that need the love that you know how to give.
I’d hug that vet and his assistant if I could. They did a kind thing for you and Abi. It’s hard to come by such thoughtful kindness. My heart is with you, Brenda.
” GRIEF, I’VE LEARNED IS REALLY JUST LOVE. IT’S ALL THE LOVE YOU WANT TO GIVE BUT CANNOT.
ALL OF THAT UNSPENT LOVE GATHERS UP IN THE CORNERS OFYOUR EYES, THE LUMP IN YOUR THROAT, AND IN THE HOLLOW PART OF YOUR CHEST.
GRIEF IS JUST LOVE WITH NO PLACE TO GO..”
SNUGGLES TO CHARLIE, AND LOVE TO YOU PRECIOUS LADY
This is beautiful Leslie ~ thank you for sharing it ~
My prayers are with you so that you find acceptance of your dear Abi’s passing. May you find joy and peace with Charlie for many years to come.
What a wonderful life Abi had and I know she left behind some wonderful memories to help fill the hole in your heart.
(((Hugs)))
Nancy
Dear Brenda, you made an incredibly hard but loving decision. You and Abi were blessings to each other. May your days get lighter from here on out. Thinking of you.
I am so glad you are having her cremated and she will be home with you once more. We did that with all our pups and it is a real comfort when that sense of loss is so unbearable. How wonderful that you have such a compassionate vet … what a blessing!
Our dear pup had the same diagnosis and while we were offered the option of giving her subcutaneous fluid treatments at home and did so, it only served to delay the inevitable.
Praying for you and Charlie. Don’t be surprised if he too mourns her loss. So glad the two of you are there to comfort each other. (((Hugs)))
You have an amazing vet to come to your home to help you and Charlie with Abi. Take time for yourself and hug on Charlie because he has to adapt and mourn too. You have given each of them a wonderful life full of love but it still hurts. I had to have two of mine put down in the space of two months and it was very hard. You have such a kindred spirit Brenda and you make us all feel loved. Sending you ((((((hugs))))) and healing thoughts.
I am so sorry, Brenda. Our dogs definitely become members of our family and it is so heartbreaking to say goodbye. Sending hugs and prayers.
Shelley
I am so glad the vet could come to your house so Abi could be at home. My son lost his cat recently to cancer and his vet came to the house. I was with him and it was good to not have to go back to the vet for that. I know this hurts terribly but always remember you gave her a wonderful life. Maybe you could plant something special in remembrance of her? I’m sending you and Charlie all my comforting and healing thoughts.
That is amazing your vet did this for you. Prayers for you during your sad time but you will wonderful memories of your Abi.
your vet is wonderful to do that for you. instead of a cold and clinical room.
i have the ashes of both my little dogs… Sarah and Zeke. we were a family.
they will be buried with my own ashes and next to my husband when my time comes. they were like my own children. just as Abi and Charlie are for you and all those who love an animal here feel about them. we mourn with you over Abi.
and maybe it’s an odd thing to say… but having two beautiful little urns holding their clean white ashes in the same room with me was comforting and still is. it’s like they’re somehow still with me. i know it makes no sense. i’m just telling you if you feel that way too you are not alone! in their lives you know that they are ALWAYS wherever WE are! and so they’re still with me. and if it has ever offended anyone seeing their little urns on the shelf near my favorite books then they’ve never said so. and it would make no difference to me. it’s my home.
i find in it peace and love and simple acceptance of the circle of life.
sending you love and peace too at this hardest of times dear Brenda. xo
I am so sorry Brenda. I am glad she could be with you and Charlie before she passed on. Sending hugs and prayers for you and Charlie. This is very painful I know and have been where you are right now. Please know that time does not make the heart ache and loss and pain easier but it does have a way of making this loss more tolerable. I wish that for you.
Hugs,
Kris
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Charlie .
One of the hardest things we will ever have to do. Sending warm hugs and much love to you and Charlie.
Sor sorry for your loss! Our dog is getting old and having problems…
Brenda, You are admired and loved by so many people. Your care and love of Abi and Charlie show what a really good person you are. You won’t get over this but you will get through it. Charlie needs you now more than ever. cuddle him, love him and keep him close to you. After all, he too lost Abi and he will miss her and mourn for her.
I hope you will dig into your garden and change things around your in your apartment because I think it will truly help and Abi will be right there beside you and Charley. Animals have souls as sure as I’m sitting here writing to you so they are ALWAYS with us forever and ever.
Please take good care of yourself because we all want to continue reading your blog. Know that your readers all love you and are thinking of you and Charlie and little Abi.
Having read about your pups over the years has been a pleasure. I will miss reading about Abi but I hope as you will remember her in the best light possible and let us share your memories. Your vet sounds like a wonderful, kind and caring person, the best helper under the most difficult circumstance. Wishing you and Charlie love and peace in this very difficult time.